Mr Oddly

The woman is a vicious harridan and harpie, who has put my poor Marilyn through hell. Since finding out about Marilyn's tragic situation she's called an uneasy truce, but I wouldn't put it past her to be lacing all those casseroles with something.

Quite right. If he thinks Mr Stewart has had it rough, he'll be in for quite shock if he scorns my beloved Ms Chambers.

I don't think he'll try anything of that nature at present - I've got him running scared. He's getting to realise he shouldn't mess with Mr Oddly, which is a wise decision on his part if I may say so.

Bless Nicole she seems like such a lost soul, and I think she could learn a thing or two from an altogether more intelligent, grounded and invigorated woman - and I think my travelling companion Marilyn Chambers could fit that role perfectly. Nicole certainly likes a man or two (I should know, I found a copy of that video in the attic) but she really needs to learn to control her urges and find one that's worth her time.

What a charming young man. Since I moved into Summer Bay House, we have had little to do with each, keeping ourselves to ourselves, but there's something deeply charming about this man. Last week I followed him down to the beach and hid under his towel, in an attempt to help us bond, but he didn't seem pleased to see me. Still, it is not the first time I have encountered the cold hand of rejection, and I shall endevour to get to know him more. What a tremendous person he would be to have in my life.

What an odious man. I've nearly died several times at this mans hand, and yet everybody seems to love him. One day the true evil in his heart will be revealed, you mark my words. In the meantime, I shall lurk in the shadows waiting to give him the biggest splinter of his life.

Miles always means well, his heart is the right place, but he does have a tendancy to grossly man handle me. Still he's taught me something about tortoises, but honestly, the way he patronises me sometimes, you'd think I was some sort of dummy.

I must admit being somewhat concerned about my dear travelling companion Marilyn Chambers getting involved with a man which such a tainted reputation, but for the time being I think their union is having a very positive effect. She's looking so radiant at the moment, which I can't fault. I only hope that son of his can keep his filthy mits to himself. If he's looking for a distraction perhaps he should read a little Oscar Wilde to ascertain the true meaning of wit.