Family Guy

[RainX]

Yeap it is hillarious! <3 Stewie for Da Win! XD

[Miss Tan Tan]

I have to seriously bump this thread because family guy is my favourite show! Ah the evil genius Stewie!!

[carmelle]

I love this show. Not that I need to say it or anyhting but Stewie is the best!!!

Here are some quotes...

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.

Stewie: What did you just say?

Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.

Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my b*t*h.

Lois: I'm gonna go get some oranges Stewie. Here, hold the rest of these bags for mommy."

Stewie: Oh, what brilliant parenting Lois. Leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. You know I might asphyxiate myself just to teach you a lesson. Here I go. Just like that boy from INXS..(Stewie tries to put bag over top of his head.)

Stewie: I'm going to do it! (Tries to put bag over left side of his head then climbs into it and tries pulling it over his head.)

BLAST!

Stewie: Good Lord Lois, either I was a c-section, or you're Wonder Woman! :lol:

Stewie: Damn you ice cream, come to my mouth! How dare you disobey me!

[Miss Tan Tan]

Stewie : Do you know what I do Meg? I spit in your mouth while you sleep!

Peter : Holy crop he's a crapple

just a few of my faves

[Aquamarine]

I hate Meg.

Yeah, I just had to say that.

WARNING NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER VIEWERS

My all time favorite quote was probably during the episode during the episode Peter was jealous of Chris's member size (just to put it nicely). In the end, they just laughed it off and Chris said "Hey dad, did you know your name was Peter?"

[Miss Tan Tan]

Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!

Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

Brian: You're drunk.

Stewie: You're sexy.

Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Stewie (talking on Sesame Street phone): Put me through to the Pentagon!

Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?

Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispacted Mr. Hooper, I've got 6 armed men stationed out side Big Bird's nest, and well as for Linda, well, its rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assasin approach now, isn't it?!

Ernie: Can you count to three?

Stewie: Oh indeed I can! (Pulls out a raygun.) One! Two! Three! Can I count to three for God's sake?! I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level!

(Peter is trying to potty train Stewie)

Peter: C'mon Stewie, don't you want to pee in the toilet like a big boy?

Stewie: Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try. Would you put your hands there on the toilet seat, it'll help me relax.

Peter: OK. (Slams toilet seat down on Peter's fingers.) AAAHHHHHH!!!!

Stewie: Listen you, I'll use these facilities when I'm DAMN WELL READY!!!! Until then you shall continue to sanitize my crevice and be DAMN GRATFEUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!!! Starting right . . .hmmp. . . hmmmp. . . . .hmmmmmp well then, not now, BUT SOON! (Walks off.)

[Miss Tan Tan]

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur

skeltons.)

Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Lois: You're drunk again.

Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

Peter- Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!

Brian (after Peter falls down and starts screaming): I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything

Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!

Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.

Chris: Me too!

Meg: Me too!

Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!

Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.

Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!

(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)

Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!

(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)

Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.

Brian: Hey, do you hear that?

Peter: What?

Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming.

Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say?

Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.

Peter: Trouble at the old mill?

Brian: What are you insane?

Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?

Brian: It's summer.

Peter: Bobcat?

Brian: RURURURURURU!!!

Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy!

Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice mellons.

Peter: Now listen pal!

Lois: Peter, I'm holding mellons.

Peter: Oh

Man: And her hooters aint bad either.

Peter: Now hold on a second.

Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!

Peter: Oh, sorry.

Man: No problem .

(pause)

Man: Your wife's hot.

Peter: Alright that's it!

[Luc]

Lois: Peter, what did you promise me last night?

Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.

Lois: And what did you do?

Peter: Drank at the stag pa -... Whoa! I almost walked right into that one.

Brian: All right, if you're serious about this, I'll go with you. But I better ask Peter and Lois if it ok first.

Stewie: Oh, they won't even know we're gone!

(Stewie takes out a remote and presses the button. Cut to the inside. Robotic Stewie and Brian emerge from the closet.)

Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! Blast! What the deuce!

Brian: I am a tool! Stewie is better than me at everything including arts and crafts and the guitar. I have no friends.

Brian: You ever stop and think "Wow, I'm married to that guy"?

Lois: Yeah, but I usually just suppress it.

Brian: Is that healthy?

Lois: What's the worst that could happen?

Peter: (inside Lois' head) I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, oh-oh, I'm a tumor!

Cleveland: (Seven hookers are sitting in Cleveland's living room) Okay Peter, that's it. You and five of those hookers get out!

(Peter is at a job interview)

Interviewer: So, Peter, where do you see yourself in ten years?

Peter: (thinks) Don't say doin' your wife, don't say doin' your wife...

(out loud)

Peter Griffin: Doin' your, er...

(sees photo of interviewer on the beach with his wife and son)

Peter Griffin: ... son?

[Formerly Known as FKAJ]

I loved Blue Harvest, especially the lines about Vader's inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market. And other lines such as:

Imperial Officer 1: Hold your fire. There's no life forms aboard.

Imperial Officer 2: Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now?

Imperial Officer 2: You don't do the budget, Terry. I do.

(Funny, because, when you think about it, with that one acton that guy brings down the Empire.)

Chris (Luke Skywalker): Is it a fast ship?

Peter (Han Solo): Are you kidding? It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.

Chris (Luke Skywalker): Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time?

Rush Limbaugh: My good friends, the liberal galactic media is at it again. They never stop. Now they're trying to convince us that Hoth is melting. Well, that's crazy, Just trying to scare us. And if that weren't enough to get you mad, we now have news that Lando Calrissian has been made the chief administrator of the Bespin mining facility. Gee, I wonder how he got that job. Well, let me tell you how he got that job. Affirmitive action strikes again.

Peter (Han Solo): We'll be safe enough once we make the jump to hyperspace. Besides, I know a few maneuvers. We'll lose'em.

[the Falcon starts listing lazily to the left]

Chris (Luke Skywalker): Uh, that was your maneuver? Moving slightly to the left?

Peter (Han Solo): Well, I mean we're not in the same place we were, huh? That ought to confuse'em.

Chris (Luke Skywalker): Yeah, but you hardly did anything. You just started listing lazily to the left. I'm pretty sure they can keep up.

Imperial Officer 1: Where did they go?

Imperial Officer 2: There they are! They're listing lazily to the left. Go left, left!

Imperial Officer 1: Boy, this guy knows some maneuvers.

I can't wait for the sequel, based on Empire Strikes Back. Boba Fett will be played by the Giant Chicken!

[Nathan.]

What's the name of the old guy who 'likes' Chris?