MarMar Posted July 10, 2006 Report Posted July 10, 2006 Yeah, you're right. I know the person who said it does not know about my emotions and he was probably not trying to be mean. It's just what it took to get everything to run over. T (boyfriend) has said that he thinks I should get some help, as have others we socialize with. Most of the people I know/hang with don't know because I put on a brave face. Luckily, my lectures last year was few, so I didn't have to do anything every day as I did in high school and caused me to have a lot of absence. I don't function if I have to go to school every day. I need days where I can just be depressed, sleep and walk around in my bathrobe. As for professional help. Maybe it could work. I am awfully shy, and just saying out lod that I have a problem is more than I can handle at the moment. Right now I can say that yes, I am depressed, yes, there are days when I don't get out of bed, and i wish I would just die as I cannot go on. Mental health has never been something we have talked about in my family, and my mother thinks I'm this perfect daugher. Of couse, not as perfect as my sister, who's always done great in school, and now at work after she got her degree in nursing. I will never be able to live up to her standards she's made for me. I will never be the one to make my mother proud. Where am I going with this? Right now I can't get myself to go to my doctor to get a referral. Not right now. Maybe at a later time, but not I am more than busy keeping my head over the water.
Maaike Posted July 10, 2006 Report Posted July 10, 2006 One thing really stroke me: you say you can never make your mother proud. That's so wrong! Maybe you don't have the life your sister has, but that's normal: you are different persons. You cannot make your mother proud in the way your sister has, but you can do it in your own way. I'm sure your mother's really pleased with a daughter like you; for example, she will be proud of the fact that you have a boyfriend that loves you for who you are. That's just another confirmation of how wonderful you are. As for the professional help: take your time for it. Like you said, you're not ready for it. Well, leave it then. It will not help you if it only makes you scared. But if it gets worse, or if you really feel you're living on your last powers, professional help should be the the final option. At least then you tried. And being shy doesn't have to be an obstacle. I'm sure all the people who rely on professional help had to cross a line. You"re not alone with this feelings.
MarMar Posted July 10, 2006 Report Posted July 10, 2006 Thanks for all the replies you've posted tonight. I guess you're right that my mother is proud of me because of who I am, but I have always been in my sister's shadow. It's easy to say that I don't consider myself intelligent, but I know people would not agree. My sister is the best at school stuff. Maybe because she is just better at the theoretical. I am too, but maybe I have another form of intelligence. Either way, in junior high and high school I was constantly hearing that she got better grades than me. But, now that I am in uni, I have, for the first time, heard my mother say that she is so proud of the grades I'm making. This is something I have never experienced before, and I have never had a particularly close relationship to her. I don't know. I guess tonight has just been a little bad. Thanks! You have helped a whole lot.
Maaike Posted July 10, 2006 Report Posted July 10, 2006 Short answer: Hey, you just said yourself you made your mother proud! Well done! And also remember that, although school is really important, it's not the most important thing in life. There are other ways to make yourself and other people proud. I'm glad I helped you a bit. I truly hope you're going to be okay. And if you need someone to talk to, I'm here, it might be a little weird, but it can help you get some things of your mind for a while. Just scream and I come running to you! I'm going to bed right now. Sweet dreams! x
MarMar Posted July 10, 2006 Report Posted July 10, 2006 I should be going to bed as well. Nighty-night.
MarMar Posted July 10, 2006 Report Posted July 10, 2006 Ok, lots of people have asked how to pronunce my name. Here is a short (2:20m) recording me and my boyfriend did earlier. I am shy, so I didn't talk much... and not in English, but he pronunces my name as it is done in Norwegian. To download, go here
Emmadolly Posted July 11, 2006 Report Posted July 11, 2006 Hi Mer, as i read earlier in this thread, that you feel that people don't reply to the posts you make, have you stopped and thought on the positive side of it. That you have made such a good point, that all they can do is reply and say ' i agree'. Members don't bother replying to mine, as they are ****, next to others. I am aware of your depression and it is very hard for you to see the positive side of things that go on around you. I grew up in the shadow of my older brothers, there is 9 and 12 years between them and myself, i am 35 years old. The younger of the brothers, has i have mentioned to you before, he suffers with Schizophrenia and has done for the last 25 years. You are a very brave person to open up your inner thought and feelings to members on his board, as i suffer sometimes with mild depression. But as it is so mild, i can pull myself together or it will just take a funny thing for one of my children to say. I have had post natal depression, and for the life of me i felt guilty as hell for being depressed and feeling that way, as i thought i was being selfish by having this down feeling. Because i has new born babies that slept the clock around, never ever woke up for their 2 o'clock feed. I had more sleep when they were born, than before i was pregnant. But i was still depressed, the depression turned me in to the cleaning freak i am today, i clean the house all the time ( it has taken me ages to do this post, as i had to stop and clear a few things up in the kitchen). My house is spotless, as i am cleaning all the time. I always have the front door locked, so then when people arrive without me knowing they are coming just to visit, it will give me enought time to do a quick tidy up before i unlock the door. I have also mention in a few posts that i have a new pup, and he needs walking, so when i feel i dont want to leave the house to take him for a walk with the hubby and the kids, i get my ironing board out, and just say i cant come as i am busy. I have also had a very hard relationship with my mum, we have never seen eye to eye, my dad thinks it is because we are very similar in certain ways, i bloody hope not. Even though one brother has a mental illness with 2 smashing teenage boys, he is a fantastic father, my other brother is a MD of a huge company, but is never there for his wife and my neices. And little old me, a nurse with a smashing hubby and 2 brilliant kids. I know which 2 of her kids she is proud off, because we are happy. But years ago, i thought to myself i will live a life for me to be proud of, and for my kids to be proud of their mum. It does not really matter what others think about you, as you live with your fears, goals and aims everyday. Nobodyelse does. I can't believe i have sed this much about my self.
MarMar Posted July 11, 2006 Report Posted July 11, 2006 You might want to give it more than 13 minutes.
Emmadolly Posted July 11, 2006 Report Posted July 11, 2006 You might want to give it more than 13 minutes. There was me thinking you were all having your beauty sleep. I was only going to give it 10 minutes.
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