Eli Posted July 14, 2007 Report Posted July 14, 2007 I´ve had a very bad break-up recently and have jumped into a new relationship. I´m 17 in a few days and the guy I´m with now is 31 in September. Opinions would be much appreciated. It's a pretty big age difference IMO but it could definitely work out as well. As pointed out you should probably try to find out if he's really a decent guy, I think that would be my best advice.
Marieh Posted July 15, 2007 Report Posted July 15, 2007 Advice grils? So this weekend a friend of mine invited me and some people for a party that someone she knew was having etc. The girl who invited us has a BF and they've been together for some time now but there's something between them that no one knows is etc. Anyway. It turns out she's been flirting with one of the guys, not telling him that she was taken so when he found out he was a little bit shocked. Anyway, I ended up kissing him, and she saw us and she just left, saying something that she needed a drink (or two). I ended up spending the night with him, no sex, just fooling around, having some fun, but I just can't help feeling guilty. I know she has a BF and stuff, but the look on her face and all it was just terreble and we (me and him) talked a bit about it before the party was over etc. Should I feel guilty? Should I tell her that I spendt the night there? She's not my bestfriend, but she's a friend that's always there for me, and I'm just to afraid to talk to her about it. I tried asking a (closer)friend of her if she was mad etc but she didn't know. HelP?
penny lane Posted July 15, 2007 Report Posted July 15, 2007 I´ve had a very bad break-up recently and have jumped into a new relationship. I´m 17 in a few days and the guy I´m with now is 31 in September. Opinions would be much appreciated. I had a friend who was in practically the same position and i told her this: You have to question why a 31 year old man is interested in a teenager, when he probably has a car and a job and a mortgage and all his friends are getting married and having babies. There is obviously some reason, but it's probably not that he wants to hang around the Trafford Centre with you on a saturday afternoon. (i see you're from manchester btw!). While i'm sure you're a lovely person, surely it would be more normal for him to want a girlfriend his own age...? I mean, i know sometimes these relationships work out and i don't want to be preachy, but i would just be aware of this stuff. Should I feel guilty? Should I tell her that I spendt the night there? She's not my bestfriend, but she's a friend that's always there for me, and I'm just to afraid to talk to her about it. I tried asking a (closer)friend of her if she was mad etc but she didn't know. I don't know if it's a question of feeling guilty - that's a matter which rests upon your own moral code and no-one can advise you on that - but rather just learning from this mistake i.e, when you see other people's messy situations, stay well away! In the interests of moving on, i think it would be better to tell your friend and whatever the consequences are, at least you'll have a clear conscience and you can move on from there. However, i wouldn't necessarily pander to her completely - after all, the guy was not her boyfriend and she was in the wrong as well by flirting. I would say something to the jist of: "You're my friend and i don't want to feel awkward around you or keep secrets from you because of the other night. Basically what happened was __________. Considering that you have a boyfriend, i didn't feel i was doing anything wrong, and still don't. However, i've been thinking about it, and i realise how it might seem from your POV. I'm sorry if i hurt you, that wasn't my intention." and blah blah blah blah! Just be mature and straightforward - what more can anyone ask for?
flutterby Posted July 16, 2007 Report Posted July 16, 2007 Advice grils? So this weekend a friend of mine invited me and some people for a party that someone she knew was having etc. The girl who invited us has a BF and they've been together for some time now but there's something between them that no one knows is etc. Anyway. It turns out she's been flirting with one of the guys, not telling him that she was taken so when he found out he was a little bit shocked. Anyway, I ended up kissing him, and she saw us and she just left, saying something that she needed a drink (or two). I ended up spending the night with him, no sex, just fooling around, having some fun, but I just can't help feeling guilty. I know she has a BF and stuff, but the look on her face and all it was just terreble and we (me and him) talked a bit about it before the party was over etc. Should I feel guilty? Should I tell her that I spendt the night there? She's not my bestfriend, but she's a friend that's always there for me, and I'm just to afraid to talk to her about it. I tried asking a (closer)friend of her if she was mad etc but she didn't know. HelP? I agree with caitlyn rose, you have to tell her, as hard as it might be, if you don't she might find out from someone else and won't get the full story. Then it will look like you have something to hide and that you feel you are in the wrong and that is why you didn't tell her. As far as feeling guilty, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about! She has a boyfriend for goodness sake! If she is interested in this other boy she should stop stringing her boyfriend along. I understand why you do feel guilty though, it just seems to happen doesn't it?! Even when you know you're in the right for some reason you feel bad! If anyone should feel guilty it's her for reacting badly when she already has a boyfriend. Good Luck xx
Marieh Posted July 16, 2007 Report Posted July 16, 2007 Thanks for the advice caitlyn rose (and flutterby ) I talked to her and she wasn't mad at me or him, she was just shocked when she saw us and didnt know what to do or say. We talked a bit but she was at work, I've been texting her some and she insists that she's not mad and that it all was a joke from the beginning that went to far. I've also been texting with him, sounds like the word is out so I'm glad I told her about it (but she had allrady heard it from someone else so I just gave her the full story )
claire_louise Posted July 18, 2007 Report Posted July 18, 2007 Marieh, I was in a vaguely similar situation a few years ago. My best friend at the time was seeing one guy and also stringing along a close friend of his. Eventually they both found out what was happening and a while later I ended up getting together with the friend. I know it's not the same, but personally I never felt the slightest bit guilty - I'm sure the girl did have genuine feelings for both guys but she behaved like a b***h. Oh and by the way, I'm still with the guy five years on.
vikkysmile Posted July 19, 2007 Report Posted July 19, 2007 Hi everyone sorry i have not been on for ages. Been jetting all over the country and got a new job with the airlines but more responbility im in charge on flights. Just waiting to be sent out to australia on a flight now, been everywhere esle but not oz. Last night i was in spain which was baking out there.
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