This Is Me. But Who Am I?

[tasha7905]

Chapter 42 - A light in dark times.

I stayed with Henry for a while, but I couldnt sit still I needed to know how Matilda was. I kept asking but all they would tell me was that she was still in surgery. Her family arrived and sat with Henry so I made my way to see Belle.

"Wow you have missed out on everything havent you" I said sitting next to her "Not like you your usually involved in the drama."

"Oh Im sorry I didnt know anyone was in here" A voice disturbed my thoughts. A nurse had entered the room "I thought this might help" She said and it was only then that I noticed the baby in her arms. Belle and Ric's baby with everything that had happened I had nearly forgotten about him.

"Can I hold him" I asked although I didnt really know why, it just seemed like the right thing to do for Belle and Ric if they couldnt hold him someone that loved them should.

"Yes of course" the nurse said. She handed him to me and left the room.

"Hi" I said holding his tiny hand. "Im your uncle Lucas. I will be looking after you until your mummy and daddy can. This is your mummy here she is just sleeping but she will wake up soon and talk to you." Tears were pouring down my face "Then your daddy will come in and cuddle you." I continued.

I looked down at him he looked so much like Belle except for his eyes they were definately Rics. This poor little innocent child had no idea his life could be changing at this moment. That he may not have any parents.

"Eventually" I carried on "you will get to meet your Uncle Henry and Auntie Matilda, You will really love her and she will really love you although not too much otherwise I met get jealous" I laughed to myself. This little person seemed to make life more bearable. I wasnt sure I could cope before but now I knew I had to for him.

I stood up and opened the door, I gave the baby to the nurse and asked her about my friends. Ric was now out of surgery and in the same room as Henry but there was still no word on Matilda.

I walked into henry and Ric's room neither were awake. All I needed was one of them to wake up, if one did then it would give me the faith to believe the others would.

I sat there for a while in silence and was disturbed when Mrs Hunter came in.

"Hi Lucas love" She said her tear stained face matching mine.

"Any news of Maddie" I asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "Sorry not yet, they have more surgery to perform, she is still bleeding a lot. They did give me this though. They removed Maddie's jewellery. I thought you might want to keep this safe for her. She held my hand and put something in it and leftthe room.

I opened my hand and there was the ring I had bought Maddie, it seemed so small and pointless now.

I cried more tears then than ever before. I couldnt control it. I pressed the ring so hard into my hand it left an imprint.

The hours semed to get longer and longer and all I wanted was for one of them to wake up all I needed was a friend..........................

[tasha7905]

Chapter 43 - The two of us.

I woke up and for a split second I had forgotten everything, then suddenly it all came flooding back. I opened my eyes and looked around I was still in Ric and Henry's room.

In my hand was Maddie's ring. I looked at it. I need to see her I thought I didnt care what the Dr's said there was no way they were going to stop me.

I walked down the corridor and saw the Hunter family. I stood a little way from them not wanting to intrude. Mrs Hunter saw me.

"She is out of surgery for the moment" She said coming up to me.

"Why only for the moment" I asked worriedly.

"Lucas sit down" She siad holding my hand.

"Please just tell me what it is. I love your daughter and I need to know." I pleaded.

"I know you do Lucas, but I think your too young to be dealing with all of this alone, so I asked your dad to come." She looked behind me.

I turned and saw my dad standing there. I became a 5 year old again when I saw him. I got up and hugged him so tightly. I started crying so hard. I honestly didnt think I had any tears left but just having my dad there brought more out. Then I suddenly remembered that Matilda's mum wanted to tell me something.

I sat next to her. "Please tell me is Maddie going to be ok?" I asked.

"We honestly dont know Luc. She needs a kidney transplant to survive, so we need to find a suitable donor. You know that people can live with only one dont you?" She asked me. I nodded. "But Matilda's are both damaged. So she doesnt stand a chance with out a transplant, which makes Henry the obvious choice, but even if he does wake up his body may be to weak to cope. It may take too long for his body to heal properly."

"How long can she last" I said blinking away tears.

"They said two weeks maximum, they can keep repairing her kidneys for a little while, but it wont last forever." "She replied blinking away tears of her own.

I couldnt listen anymore, I ran down the corridor and I could hear my dad following me. I got outside and threw up. How had it all got to this. We were 5 kids who took risks with each others feelings but not our lives. Yet somehow 4 of them were in hospital beds. At least 3 may not surive and the other may not walk. I was sick again and then I felt my dads arms around me.

"I need to see her" I shouted at him.

Beth spoke to the doctors and arranged for me to go and see her even though I wasnt family. I walked in slowly, she looked so peaceful so beautiful. beth had told me the only reason she was asleep was because of the anisthetic, and that she could wake up at any moment, but she would be groggy and not with it.

"Hi baby" I said kissing her cheek, "Ive missed you, I wish you would wake up and look at me with those amazing eyes of yours." I lay my head on her hand. "Wake up darling. Im nothing without you, Its supposed to be the two of us forever remember thats what the ring was for. I put it in her hand and held mine over it. I stayed there for an hour and suddenly felt it, she squeezed my hand back.

If only that sign had made everything better for all of us, dont get me wrong I was over the moon at the time but all these little happy moments are hard to remember now.................................

[tasha7905]

Thanks for the reviews guys. here is the next chapter hope you like it.

Chapter 44 - Awakening

Two days had passed and not much had changed. Matilda came in and out of conciousness but wasnt really with it, because of all the pain killers she had been on, but today was the day they were going to lower the dosage so she would be aware of everything. The donor search was not going well, all the family had been tested but were not compatible, I kept trying to get them to test me but they wouldnt without my dads permission and he seemed to think I wouldnt be able to cope whatever the result. I didnt well still dont understand his decision, why couldnt he see I just wanted to save my girlfriend. All hopes were now pinned on Henry's recovery.

I was sat visiting Belle, I had been taking the baby in to see her and Ric every day. It just felt like the right thing to do.

The nurse came up to me and Said "I think you might want to take him somewhere else." she pointed at the baby.

"Why whats wrong with Belle?" I said. I had gotten so used to bad news that it never crossed my mind that it could be good news.

"There is nothing wrong with Miss Taylor, her condition hasnt changed. Its Mr Dalby, Ric he is awake and I think he would appreciate seeing his little one" she said smiling at me.

"Of course" I said standing up. I walked quickly to Ric and Henry's room. As I entered I gave a hopeful glance towards Henry's bed, but his body was still shut down. The doctors had discovered that he had hit his head harder than they had first realised, his brain activity was still normal though, so they said he would wake up eventually, we just didnt know if it would be in time for Matilda.

I sat next to Ric balancing his son in one arm. "hey man" I said touching his arm gently. He opened his eyes, he was propped up slightly on his pillows so I put his baby in his arms. "I think someone wants to say hi"

"hey little guy" he said quietly "hey Lucas"

"How you feeling" I asked.

"Not great, they are not sure if I will ever get the feeling back in my legs, so I could be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life. But this little guy seems to make it not as bad. " He said. Even though he was trying to sound upbeat there was a definate sadness in his eyes. "How are you Lucas?" he continued "The nurse told me how the others are, Maddie's in a bad way?"

"yea she is but I cant think about that. Today she will be aware of what is happening, So I have to stay strong. What else can I do?" I replied. I was finding it really hard to talk about Matilda.

"I understand man. I have to stay strong because Im a father now. When deep down Im petrified that im not going to walk again, Im scared that Belle wont pull through. Im scared for you, Henry and Matilda and I have only just woken up, you have been dealing with this alone." Ric said grabbing my hand.

"Dealing probably isnt the best way to describe it" I said laughing slightly.

"Well whatever. Thank you for being there for my son and for me, well for all of us." he said "Now go change and shower, because believe me you need to, then go and see your girl and enjoy spending time with her. Try and forget everything else at least for a little while. Oh and say hi from me and the little dude."

I couldnt believe Ric, I still cant he was going through more hell than me yet he was still the mature one, still looking out for me.

My respect for him has never faultered since that day and as long as Im breathing no matter what happens in life it never will......

[tasha7905]

Thanks for the great reviews guys. Here is the next chapter I hope you like it.

Chapter 45 - My Love

I stood outside Matilda's room for ten minutes before I could go in. I needed to compose myself, I needed to be strong Ric was right. I walked in and sat down she was asleep, I didnt want to disturb her but I wanted to be closer to her. I managed to climb on to her bed and lay beside her making sure I didnt touch any of the wires that were around her. I put my arms around her I made it so she was practically laying in my arms. I put my face in her hair the familiar smell made me feel so secure. I laid there for ages half of me pretending we were somewhere else.

"Are you trying to grope me when Im sleeping Lucas?" Matilda suddenly said. Her voice dry and scatchy.

"Maddie your awake, Oh god i have missed you" I said kissing her cheek over and over again.

"Hey calm down seriously ill person here" She said taking a sip of water " Luc is there any news on the others?"

"Ric is awake he says hey. I left him bonding with his son, Henry will wake up they say it is just talking longer then expected." I said trying not to show emotion.

"Thats my brother being lazy as usual." She was trying to hard it was obviously a brave front.

"Well I for one want him to wake up so I can find out if he can save the girl I love" I said trying to get her to talk about what was happening to her, I knew her mum had told her.

She completely ignored me "So hows Belle?" She asked.

"No change" I said getting worried about Matilda's state of mind. "Please darling, we have to face this. I will be here if you want to cry, if you want to scream, hit me if you want to, just react please."

"Luc whats the point, whatever happens I cant control it, either way I wont know whats happening. I get knocked out and have more surgery when we find a donor if the procedure works I wake up if it doesnt I dont" She said so calmly.

"What if we dont find one" I said bravely.

"Well we will so dont worry" She snapped.

"Look im being selfish. I dont want you to leave me" I blurted out crying again for the millionth time in the past few days. So much for me staying strong.

"What you think I want to leave you" She said tears running down her face "I dont want to die but we will find a donor. I have to stay positive cause I dont want to face the other option. I cant"

"Here" I said grabbing her hand " I have been looking after this for you and until you go for your operation I think you should have it back. I put her ring back on her finger.

She stared at it "Was that really only a few days ago" she asked me.

"Hard to believe isnt it?" I replied.

"Lucas do me a favour" She said

"Anything you know that."

"Kiss me" she said quietly.

"Thats it just a kiss" I said slightly baffled.

"Your kisses will make me forget for a while, they make me feel safe" she said smiling at me.

I leant over and kissed her softly at first and then more intensly. We melted into each other I never wanted that kiss to end but unfortunately we got interrupted.

"Sorry son, but I need a word" My dad said entering the room.

"I will be back soon" I said jumping off her bed and leaving the room after my dad. "Whats up?"

"Henry is waking up and as he is Matildas twin the doctors reckon he is the only chance of a match." My dad said watching for my reaction.

"Thats great" I said but dad was trying to keep me in reality.

"It may not work son, its risky for both of them if he is compatible and wants to do it. Look mate I know you love this girl but just be prepared." He said hugging me "Now go back and see your girl and then go and see Henry but dont pressure him this has to be his decision."

Everything seem to be getting better finally, but I guess someone was just giving us false hope...........

[tasha7905]

Chapter 46 - Taking the Risk

It was so hard not to get my hopes up when I was with Matilda, I stayed with her for 20 minutes more, and we just stayed in each others arms not really saying anything.

"I will go and you get some rest. But I promise I will be back later you cant get rid of me that easily" I said climbing off her bed.

"I wouldnt want to" she said and blew me a kiss. I watched as she closed her eyes. There was no way I was going to let her die. I needed to see Henry.

"hey" Henry said looking up as I walked into his room "Hows Matilda?"

"So you have been told then" I said not really sure what else to say.

"Mum came in. Is Maddie doing ok? I mean she is not in pain is she" his face showed concern.

"Only slightly but the drugs she is on take a lot of the pain away. It will get worse though if we cant" I didnt want to finish the sentance. I knew Henry was aware of the decision he had to make, it was written all over his face.

He could obviously tell what I was thinking. "Lucas there is no decision to make, of course I will do it if I can, There is no way I would risk my sisters life."

I sighed with relief and he carried on talking "You know how painful it is to lose someone you love Luc, we all do. If I can stop that happening again I will. I have already spoken to the doctor and he has explained the risks, Ive just got to have the test."

"Ok I will wait here for you" I said feeling completely useless.

"No go and see Belle I will meet you there" he said as a nurse came in and helped hin into a wheelchair.

I walked to Belle's room, she looked paler than before.

"Hey you" I said sitting down "You have a pretty great boyfriend you know that" I couldnt get any more words out. I didnt know what else to say, all words seemed to have lost meaning. I sat there holding her hand. I have no idea how long I sat there in silence but I was disturbed by Henry coming into the room.

"Do you know" I said looking at him hopefully.

He nodded "They rushed through the results" He wheeled himself closer to Belle's bed. I saw the pain flick over his face as he realised how frail she looked. "Im compatible, they are going to operate in an hour. I just wanted to talk to Belle"

"I will leave you then. I need to see Maddie anyway" I said

"No Lucas, stay we can go see Matilda after" Henry said forcefully.

"Sure" I said sitting at the back of the room.

"Hey baby" henry said grabbing Belle's hand tightly "Im sorry I havent been to see you lately but I got myself hurt. I couldnt let all the nurses give you attention I had to get in on the action. Look darling I may not be here when you wake up" Tears fell down his face "because you will wake up. I have to go and help Maddie get better, but believe me I wish I could do the same for you."

Tears fell down my face as I realised he was saying goodbye to his girlfriend and then it hit me I would have to do the same thing soon.

"I know you will understand why, and if anything does happen just remember that I love you and I have for longer than you've known." He continued.

I thought watching Henry would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do, well as well as my own goodbye to Matilda that I had yet to face. But yet again I was wrong burying somone you love was the hardest thing for all of us.....................

[tasha7905]

Thanks everyone. here is the next chapter.

Chapter 47 - Numb

"Shall I come in with you" Henry asked me as we stopped outside Matilda's room. I shook my head I needed to do this alone.

"Lucas, mate" I heard my dad say. I turned, he looked so worried I had never seen him like that. "Try and stay strong for her" he whispered. I nodded and entered the room.

"Hi" she said smiling st me. I logged that perfect smile in my memory just in case and then smiled at her. She could read me easily though. "Lucas dont, no sadness, no goodbyes. I will be back in a few hours."

"We dont know that" I shouted. Yet again not being strong for very long.

"I cant say goodbye Luc, I wont not to you. We have a lifetime ahead of us" She seemed so positive but I couldnt be.

"I need you to know things" I said sitting down on her bed.

"Go on" she said grabbing my hand tightly.

"I need you to know how much I love you, how I have never loved anyone like I love you. You mean everything to me and I cant face the thought of saying goodbye to you." I kissed her softly and put my head on her shoulder, I felt her fingers run through my hair.

"I love you too Lucas and whatever has gone wrong with us in the past doesnt matter, we are stronger now and we wont be saying goodbye, because I wont leave you. I will see you soon." She said I couldnt believe how strong she was. "Now get out of here so I can get on with this" she laughed.

I kissed her praying that it wouldnt be the last time. I left the room and ran straight into my dads arms, holding him tightly. I didnt cry or shout just held on to him as if he was the only thing I had left.

Half an hour later Henry and Matilda were wheeled off to surgery. I watched from a distance they were holding hands tightly. I kept out of sight giving Maddie what she wanted no goodbye.

"I will see you soon" I whispered after her.

I had been sat for 30 minutes when I noticed my dad with a doctor. I watched intently, I saw my dad shake his head in disbelief.

I ran over "Whats going on is it Maddie?" I shouted.

"No lucas. Its Belle she has suffered a heart attack her main artery got clogged some sort of complication during her previous surgery, she is still alive but she has to have an intensive heart operation.

I couldnt believe something else had happened and all I could do was wait. I noticed Ric being wheeled towards me. He put his hand on mine and we sat waiting.

Waiting for news of 3 people we loved, 3 people who were fighting for their lives..........

[tasha7905]

Ok going to post this quickly before work. Hope you like it.

Chapter 48 - Say goodnight not goodbye.

It had been 4 hours since Maddie and Henry had gone to surgery and just over 3 hours for Belle. Ric and I were still sat in the same places we had hardly uttered a word to each other, his hand was still on mine, a sign of a bond between us, hoping that bond would help the others.

I felt his hand tighten on mine and I looked up. There was a doctor with Beth Irene and my dad, you could tell by their reactions that it was not good news. I stood up pushing Ric with me, my dad noticed us and came over. We both listened to what he said intently. I couldnt take it, I walked away.

"Im sorry guys." I heard my dad shout.

I carried on walking saying "No" with every step. "Not like this. Not dead" All I could think of was we were teenagers we should be out having fun, getting drunk, having sex. Just like we used to.

I sat on a bench outside and tried to process what I had just been told. I didnt cry, I just felt numb in althe tragedy we had been through lately, I hadnt ever really believed something this bad would happen. I heard a noise getting closer to me and turned and saw Ric struggling to wheel himself over to me. I stood up and went to him.

"Hey, how you coping?" he said.

"It doesnt seem real, how are we supposed to deal with this" i said.

He looked at me blankly for the first time he didnt have any answers.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"To be honest, angry. I dont understand how this happened. With all the technology we have couldnt they have done something." He sounded so frustrated.

"We should go back in" I said feeling awkward even though I didnt know why. "See how the others are doing."

"Yea the ordeal isnt over yet, I kind of forgot this is all so unbelieveable." he said "Lucas are you are really ok?" I could see him looking at me staring straight through the front I was putting on.

"Just let me deal in my own way please" I said "Just like you will."

We walked back in and couldnt see anyone and then a thought hit me.

"Oh my god" I said stopping.

"What" Ric asked

"How are the hell are we going to tell Henry?" I blurted out.

We wanted to and our families would let us they understood the bond between the 5 of us. But how?

[tasha7905]

Thanks for the reviews guys. Sorry I left you hanging for so long, I ended up working for the majortiy of the weeked. Anyway here is the chapter you have been waiting for, I hope you like it.

Chapter 49 - Knowledge.

We walked into Henry's room slowly, he was asleep. We sat staring at him in silence again. I hate silence now it just reminds me of dark times.

"Henry" I heard Ric say.

"I looked up and Henry was opening his eyes, Ric gave him some water. He sat up slowly and before either of us could say anything he did. I guess he could see the loss and sadness in our eyes.

"Oh god" he cried out "Matilda"

"No Henry calm down" I shouted over his voice. "Henry listen to me. Matilda is ok, she really is fine. She will be awake soon the operation was a success."

"So if she is ok why do you both look so depressed, its good news surely" He asked confused.

I looked at Ric, "Maybe we should find his mum" I whispered to him but Henry heard me.

"No one of you tell me now" Henry shouted at us.

"Ok, just calm down though you are just out of surgery" ric said calmly. I was so glad RIc took over, I dont think I would have been able to find the words.

"Im sorry Henry while you were in surgery Belle suffered a heart attack, they tried to perform surgery but her heart failed. She is dead mate, sorry." Ric had tears running down his face but still I couldnt cry.

We watched as Henry tried to take in, what we were doing our best to understand.

"Will one of you tell Maddie when she wakes up, she should here it from one of us." He suddenly said.

"Yea I will" I replied I had already planned on telling her myself.

"There is something you guys should know" Henry said staring at us intently "Belle knew."

"Knew what mate" Ric asked puzzled "What are you trying to say?"

"She knew she had a heart condition, that would get worse through pregnancy, she knew there was a chance she wouldnt make it." Henry said softly.

I couldnt believe this. "Why didnt she tell us" I said although im not sure I really meant to say it out loud.

"She didnt want anyone to be morbid, she made me swear I wouldnt say anything. I only found out last week myself." Henry said answering me honestly.

"Im going to go and see Maddie, I will see you both in a bit" I said.

I couldnt get my head around this. Why didnt she tell me. Were we not close, did I spend to much time with Matilda. I really couldnt comprehend it.

I walked into Maddie's room, she looked so peaceful, how was I supposed to tell her our friend was dead. Eventually she woke up, now her reaction proves how well she knows me. It took her a few minutes to come round properly and when she did she looked at me.

"Belle" she said.

I nodded sadly and watched as tears fell down her face. I explained what had happened and how her heart had failed. Then I told her what Henry had told us only minutes before.

"Oh my god" Was all she could say.

I sat next to her and tried to hug her without hurting her. As soon as I felt Maddie's hands on me I cried.

We cried together, for Belle, because of Belle, for ourselves. We cried trying to understand why Belle had this knowledge and didnt confide in us.

What Belle did next was another shock, even after her death Belle still made sure we listened to what she had to say......

[tasha7905]

Thanks for the reviews guys. Sorry I depressed you Emmasi. Here is the next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 50 - Friendship

I sat in Matilda's room 3 days after Belle's death, we had all been told to meet there. I had been there for ten minutes and Maddie and I had just held each other. I was so happy that Matilda was going to be ok but I couldnt get my head around the fact that I would never see Belle again, never have my bestfriend tell me how to fix my life.

"I will help you through this darling. I promise" Maddie whispered in my ear. I was grateful for her support she was putting me first even though she was suffering as well.

"I love you" I said kissing her "and Im sorry if I dont seem like I appreciate you. Im just not sure if Im dealing with this so if I push you away I dont mean to."

"I know" She said sadly "but I will be here no matter what you say or do."

Our conversation was interuppted by Ric, Henry and Irene entering the room. We all smiled weakly at each other. Henry looked so pale and withdrawn. I noticed Maddie grab his hand, she was supprting all of us in her own special way.

"Ok guys, I know your all going through a tough time, hell we all are" Irene said "but hopefully in some way these will help." She held her hand out andit contained 5 letters. " Belle wrote these the day before Matilda's birthday" she continued "I dont know what they say but there is one for each of you and one for the little guy when he is old enough. Ric thats to be left in your care."

Ric simply nodded. I think we were all stunned. Irene handed out the letters and left the room. We all stared at each other unsure of what we should do.

"Im going back to my room" Henry said "If you could push me back Lucas."

I nodded. Ric didnt say anything just wheeled himself out of the room.

"I will be back soon" I said kissing Matilda.

"take your time" she said knowingly.

After leaving Henry alone with his thoughts of Belle. I walked out of the hospital and sat on the grass. Slowly I opened the letter. This is what she had to say:-

Hey Holden

I guess your annoyed that I didnt tell you the riskes about me having the baby but I couldnt, if I did die which I obviously have if your reading this. I didnt want any of you treating my son differently, yes I knew I was having a boy too. Shock Belle Taylor can keep secrets. That little boy is part of me Lucas so I want you to help him in the same way you have helped me.

Now lets talk about you. In the two years I have known you. You have been the best person in my life. Sure we have had our moments, some of the damn hot if I remember, but hey we werent meant to be. I wasnt sure of that until you spoke to me about Matilda's birthday what you bought for her shows real devotion, when you told me you loved her I could see it in your eyes. I had never realised till then just how much you felt for her. Thats what convinced me to see what it was between me and Henry, what I had been afraid to admit. You see Holden as Henry is probably reading now I loved him before I admitted it to anyone, I was afraid of rejection and that fear costs me moments with him, time I can never get back. Look after him for me Lucas, I have asked the same of Matilda. He bottles things up just like I did. I want him to find happiness help him do that. he deserves it.

Now your happiness is important to. You have already found Matilda so for god sake dont blow it. I know you Lucas probably better than you know yourself. Your going to wallow cause Im gone (Which is touching) and Maddie will try and and support you but you will lock yourself away and eventually you guys will drift apart. DO NOT let that happen Holden and thats a threat, I will find a way to to come and kick your butt if you ruin this relationship.

Anyway enough of me rambling. I love you Holden you have been the best friend I could have wished for. Now go and have a great life and think of me now and again,.

Look after my boys for me.

Yours alway Belle. x

I walked quickly back to Maddie's room and found her in tears her letter from Belle in her lap. I ran to her and held her tightly. I cried a lot on her before I could get the words out.

" I love you Matilda more than anything" I sobbed.

"I love you too Lucas" She said through her own tears. And in that moment thanks to Belle we learnt to depend on each other.

There was more to come from Belle though but we didnt find out till her funeral........

[tasha7905]

Thanks guys glad you liked the way it was written. Here is the next chapter.

Chapter 51 - Say goodnight not goodbye

A week later and we were still in the same state of shock, anger, disbelief well every emotion going really.

Ric had been released from Hospital with his son. He was still in a wheelchair but was taking it well, he had excercises to do and was determined to try and get the use in his legs back for his son.

Henry and Matilda were both doing well. They were being allowed out of hospital for the funeral but would have to go back in after for at least a few more days.

As for me well I was coping and trying to take Belle's advice and not block maddie out. Belle's funeral was going to be the hardest test for all of us.

I woke the morning of the funeral, alone in my bed it felt so strange not having Matilda near me I couldnt get used to it. I looked over and saw my suit hanging on the door. I was the only one of us that was going to help carry her coffin. In her instructions to Irene she had asked for all three of us but obviously Ric couldnt and Henry wasnt strong enough yet. I know they believed they were letting her down, but I think they were lucky in some way I really didnt want to have to do it.

I got dressed and went to the beach. I had an hour before the service began. I just sat watching the water wondering what it all meant, life. It seemed so pointless if it just ended like Belle's had.

"She will be watching us somehow, you know that." A voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned to see Matilda stood there being supported by my brother.

"Luc, I think you should take it from here" Jack said gesturing to me.

I stood up walked towards them and put my arms around Matilda's waist. Jack left us. "I thought I was supposed to come and get you" I said as she put her weight on me.

"Maybe I thought you could use some support" She said looking at me and I knew she could tell I was dreading having to carry belle. "She would understand if you wanted to pull out" she said touching my arm.

"No" I snapped pulling my arm away "I let her down enough when she was alive, I cant let her down again."

"Ok sorry" Maddie said. I saw the look in her eye and it broke my heart.

"I dont mean to take it out on you" I said

"Come on Luc its time to go" she said smiling at me. I knew I had hurt her but I couldnt deal with it at that moment.

The funeral was everything I thought it would be and worse than I had ever imagined, Matilda held my hand through the service but as Henry stood up to speak I could see her brave face beginning to faulter. I put my arms around her as Henry began to speak.

"Most of you knew Belle" He said "But not everyone knew her well, she made sure of that. She had a front on her didnt like letting people in, she found it easier to hide what she felt, But deep down she cared about people and she loved those closest to her. Im lucky enoughto be one of those people. She gave me something i never dreamed I have at that was simply her. We may not have had long together but I loved her. "

Henry couldnt say anymore, couldnt finish his speach, but he didnt need to, everyone understood. I felt Maddie crying on my shoulder, as tears flowed down my own face. I looked at Ric even he couldnt keep his brave man front going as Henry sat down next to him, both of them letting their tears flow freely.

I dont remember much of the rest of the service or the wake for that matter. I was thinking about what Henry had said. Love. Thats what made life worth it, no matter how short the life. Love that was the point.

The next thing I remember is Ric calling us outside. We stood together the four of us.

"Whats going on?" I asked.

"There are other things she wants us to do. Ric has the details" Maddie said. As we all turned and looked at Ric.

"We have to go to the beach" he said " We have a task to do and it has to be all of us, thats what Belle wanted."

I should have known that Belle wouldnt leave any unfinished business.......