Dingo Sheila Woman

[Jay Preston]

Dingo Sheila Woman Part Three

"OOoohal tillis maop teeee," said Jack.

"Would someone shoot him please?" said the audience.

Morag did it. Gladly. She said this as she pulled the trigger - "Sometimes someone comes into your life who is so ridiculously stupid, the only thing you can do for them is murder in cold blood. I should have done it with Colleen, but I won't make that mistake with you. Your high and mighty attitude juxtaposed against your constant mistakes makes you unrelatable, and therefore a liability to reaching new audiences."

And she shot him. Blood everywhere.

Morag received a full pardon for her 'crime', but Dingo Sheila Woman knew she had to do something to get the attention back off Morag. She had already decided to use Alf, who she thought was a slamming hottie.

She walked up to the bar and introduced herself to Beth.

"Hello fella sheila love, g'day," Dingo Sheila Woman said in her strong Australian accent.

"Alf?" thought Beth, bemused. Then she remembered that Alf wasn't a woman. "What's your name, sister?"

"Dingo Sheila Woman, but everyone calls me Ding," she replied in a deceptively charming way, with a giggle.

"You sound deceptively charming," said Beth.

"How uncharacteristically intuitive," said Dingo Sheila Woman in reply.

And they glared at each other. They were now enemies, and would remain enemies until one of them died, or until they became friends.

Alf came in, causing Dingo Sheila Woman to fall over (because of weakness of the knees). Alf went to help her up.

"Alf don't touch her, she has... an STD, and is therefore undesirable!" Beth screamed, wanting to keep her enemy away from her business partner.

"How dare you lie, you horrible fella sheila!" Dingo Sheila Woman screamed back. "I'll get you for this." And suddenly she married Alf and had Beth removed from the business. Beth was mad as hell.

Matilda was watching on. She didn't care much, she'd seen news about a war in a country she'd never heard of, and it was affecting her deeply. "Why does everything happen to me?" she thought. "This is all Robbie's fault."

And she wasn't far off. Robbie was indeed responsible for the start of that war, because it was the missile he had invented and launched that was considered the first part of an attack. But no one else knew, not even Robbie. Because Tasha had accidentally gotten a hair cut and looked presentable for once and everyone was shocked. Not really though, she'd actually died.

Alf couldn't believe he'd gotten married. Dingo Sheila Woman was his dream woman. Until the day she said, "Would you help me destroy Summer Bay please?"

Then he knew he was in trouble. She swapped all the alcohol at the bar with non-alcoholic equivalents. Summer Bay stopped functioning. Ironically, the driving of cars became almost impossible without alcohol. Hundreds died. Vomit, guts, blood and intestines everywhere. Then there were the toads.

"Gross, it's so evil," said Cassie, as she tucked into a PEOPLE MEAT HAMBURGER with TOAD SALAD!!!

"Delicious though," said Ric, as he played foot in crotch with Lucas under the table.

[swfc]

Hey, really great! Love it! Please update soon!

[~Lynd~]

ROTFL!!This is hilarious,Update soon!

[Jay Preston]

Dingo Sheila Woman Part Four

"Jack's back from the dead!" screamed Tasha.

"Wait, shouldn't you be dead too?" asked Jack.

"Oh yeah," said Tasha. "This must be the afterlife," suggested Tasha.

"Rightio," declared Jack.

Idiots.

Sally accidentally ran into a woman. A very Australian looking woman.

"G'day love, sheila, fella, wombat," said the woman.

"I'm sorry I ran into you. I was in the rush to get to the school. We're still mopping up the vomit of the poisoned students," explained Sally.

"Yeah why koala would someone spray weed-bloody-killer all over the bloomin' school, bloody g'day?" wondered Dingo Sheila Woman, who was the woman. And she totally knew that she had done it herself.

"Hmmm... WAIT! No one knows that it was weedkiller except the police and the education department! How did you know?" Sally asked and exclaimed at the same time.

And Sally and Dingo Sheila Woman became enemies.

Suddenly a car exploded killing Kim.

"Whoops," said Robbie, fast turning into one of the worst accidental serial killers in the world. "I guess my modifications didn't work out right."

"OH NOOOOOOOOO!!! How will I live and love now that someone else is DEAD?" said Matilda.

Luckily she didn't know about Lucas and Ric. Too bad she walked in on them that afternoon. Sexing.

She ran away from home, but was kidnapped by Dingo Sheila Woman.

"Kidnapped, *again*," said Matilda.

Lucas said, "Should we have stopped making out while she was in the room?"

Alf remembered he was married to Dingo Sheila Woman. He asked why Matilda was tied up in the corner of the living room.

"Cos she's gonna help my destroy the bloody bay, g'day," Dingo Sheila Woman explained.

Sally and Beth decided to join forces to bring down Dingo Sheila Woman. But how?

"Let's kill her," suggested Beth.

"I concur," said Sally.

And Sally and Beth became enemies.

That night all the caravans exploded. Since there were no guests at the time, it was all all right. Bits of broken glass all over the ground. Lots of cuts on people's feet.

"Damn that Dingo Sheila Woman. And Beth," said Sally.

"G'day," Dingo Sheila Woman said as she entered the Fletcher house with a chain saw. Approaching Sally. With Matilda and Alf helping her.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," said Sally calmly.

[swfc]

LMAO! Nice one! Please update soon!

[Stefan]

very amusing...

[Jay Preston]

Dingo Sheila Woman Part Five

"What the heck is going on in these parts these days?" said Alf to himself.

He was currently helping his crazy wife, Dingo Sheila Woman, threaten Sally with a chainsaw. Matilda was there too, because she saw her boyfriend kissing another boy, but that barely makes sense.

Sally screamed, "I'm going to have to stay calm." It wasn't working. She was terrified.

Just then Sally and Dingo Sheila Woman's mutual enemy Beth walked in, also carrying a chainsaw trying to threaten Sally. Dingo Sheila Woman and Beth had a brutal fight with the chainsaws. No one died. They realised it was too camp and ridiculous so gave it away. Dingo Sheila Woman took Alf home to take advantage of his slamming body. She left Matilda with Beth.

"Where did you go?" asked Beth of Matilda.

"Just out, OK?" said Matilda as she stormed off. She seemed to have forgotten that she had been kidnapped. She hadn't, it was really because she wasn't interested in exploiting her own problems. She stormed off to help an old lady break her hip, so she would have something to cry about.

Beth and Sally decided to make up. They had no reason to be enemies. They decided to bring Dingo Sheila Woman down. They decided to let Irene join the fight against evil. They did a lot of deciding that afternoon.

But Irene wasn't interested. "I love her. She's a darrrrl," Irene said, referring to Dingo Sheila Woman.

"Thanks drongo, love, sheila, g'day," said Dingo Sheila Woman as she entered. "Bloody you and bloody me will bloody bring these bloody female-mongrels down. By putting them down."

She was talking about Sally and Beth.

And now Sally and Beth were in a fight to the death with Irene and Dingo Sheila Woman. Poor Irene didn't know that she'd sided with evil. She should've, since it was pretty obvious.

"Gosh, I think I'll be reasonable about this," shrieked Colleen quietly. She decided to do nothing.

"Do you have any PEOPLE MEAT BURGERS with TOAD SALAD left Colleen?" asked Ric. "Cassie's hungry."

"Sorry Ric, they're all gone," replied Colleen, as she collapsed of death.

Dingo Sheila Woman has poisoned Colleen. With Irene's unwitting help.

They decided to use her to make PEOPLE MEAT BURGERS. But they didn't have any TOAD SALAD.

[swfc]

The 'TOAD SALAD' = LMAO!

Great update! Love it heaps! Update soonish!

[Jay Preston]

Dingo Sheila Woman Part Six

"Does anyone remember what just happened?" asked Daniel Bennett.

"Sorry, I lost interest," Morag replied.

"Oh well, I guess I'll just continue with what I remember."

Morag rolled her eyes. "Idiot," she said to herself.

Dingo Sheila Woman carried the bomb into the surf club. She wanted to blow up the gym. But she guessed she would also take out the bar too. Since they're really close to each other.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," said Irene, who had accidentally become Dingo Sheila Woman's best friend and Beth and Sally's enemy.

"Bloody. G'day, I need tasmanian bloody devil time to work on my bloomin' strike me pink speech of evil," replied Dingo Sheila Woman. Her sentences were becoming less and less coherent. She meant that she would blow up the surf club at a later date so she could work on her final speech.

Beth and Sally hatched a plan. "Now we have time to stop Dingo Sheila Woman before she blows up the town," stated Beth.

"Duh," said Sally.

They broke into the apartment above the diner to steal the bomb. They found Matilda tied up there.

"What a wild inconsistency! You've already been released to me," said Beth. "How is it possible that you are back here, kidnapped?"

"Bad writing," replied Matilda.

"Fair enough," added Sally. "I've seen more than my share of that."

They let Matilda leave. They probably should've asked if they saw where Dingo Sheila Woman had hidden the bomb. They didn't, but they found it easily enough. Just then Irene walked in.

"Well if it isn't our second worst enemy," said Beth.

"Yeah, what the hell Irene?" Sally added. It's rather appalling that Sally is almost like Beth's sidekick.

"Look, girls, I'm so sorry about siding with Dingo Sheila Woman. Let's bring her down together and run her out of town," Irene said.

"Sounds good," Sally said, before Beth had the chance. "Through death."

[Oxidizer]

This is freakin' funny! Where'd you get your ideas from?!