Eli Posted January 30, 2007 Report Posted January 30, 2007 Do you think a relationshiop can work out between two people when they're both really competetive, stubborn and always have to be better than everyone else? I mean, it can be a perfect match or a complete disaster as far as I can see, but what do you think?
Ashirr-Leigh Posted January 30, 2007 Report Posted January 30, 2007 I guess it depends on how much you really want it to work. What's more important .. winning all the time or being with someone who's important to you?
Eli Posted January 30, 2007 Report Posted January 30, 2007 I know what you ean... I have know him for several years (we've been good friends) and he's just as stubborn as I am. Also we both have to be best, but it can be a good thing, because we have been competing in a lot of things all along and that has made us really good friends. Also he's good at some things (which I have accepted) and the other way around. But still, I've said it before: It's like red lipstick; a success or a disaster. And I'm not sure if we're ever going to be more than friends either
Ashirr-Leigh Posted January 30, 2007 Report Posted January 30, 2007 Do you think the friendship would be ruined if you guys tried to make a relationship work? If yeah, then I'd leave off but if not .. then why not give it a go? Lol at the red lipstick thing - so true!
Eli Posted January 31, 2007 Report Posted January 31, 2007 I have had a friendship ruined like that before and I wouldn't go there again, but then again this is a lot different, bacause we haven't like been hanging out a lot or been really close. We have been friends, but that's it. Not very good friends or very close at all, just friends, so I'm willing to take that risk this time
flutterby Posted January 31, 2007 Report Posted January 31, 2007 Go for it Eli! ahh red lipstick *chuckles* how disastrous it can be!
Jess Posted February 3, 2007 Report Posted February 3, 2007 Sorry, guys; it's me again, and my sucky boy problems! ...Meh. I'm having one of those days again. I really thought I'd gotten over it. Over him. But, I don't know, anymore. His mixed messages and wrong signals hurt me so much, they made me feel so stupid. I was angry with him for leading me on, and angry with myself for allowing myself to believe that he was any different from any of the other idiots I've ever known. I thought that if I just totally cut him out of my life, then I'd be okay. You know, just spend loadsa time with my girlfriends and then all will be right with the world once more. But it's not. 'Cos I've realised that I need him in my life. His totally random 'phone conversations annoy the hell outta me, but they offer a kinda security and I need them. I need him. To wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is gonna be okay. I think I've come to the stage now where the anger has subsided and I just feel sad for lost friendship. We always used to have a pretty physical relationship - not in that way, but we'd hug each other, hold hands, he'd tell me he loved me and then we'd curl up on the beach under a blanket. And now, not only have I lost his friendship - we said some pretty mean things to each other, even though I promised him I'd never hurt him - but, I've lost that, too. And I just don't think it's gonna be possible for us to get that trust back in the relationship to be able to mess around like that, again, without him thinking that I have some kind of ulterior motive. Last time we spoke he made it pretty clear that he didn't really wanna speak to me; he accused me of everything under the sun - turning our friends against him and making his life hell, etc. I now feel really bad, though, 'cos I didn't bother telling him about my surgery or anything remotely important that's happening in my life, and I can just tell that we're gonna have to have a very fun conversation in the not-too-distant future; we're going on holiday together for two weeks in the summer! It's not just like he lives down the road, either...he lives in London...I don't do awkward conversations well at the best of times, let alone when the person is 150 miles away!
Eli Posted February 3, 2007 Report Posted February 3, 2007 Sorry, guys; it's me again, and my sucky boy problems! ...Meh. I'm having one of those days again. I really thought I'd gotten over it. Over him. But, I don't know, anymore. His mixed messages and wrong signals hurt me so much, they made me feel so stupid. I was angry with him for leading me on, and angry with myself for allowing myself to believe that he was any different from any of the other idiots I've ever known. I thought that if I just totally cut him out of my life, then I'd be okay. You know, just spend loadsa time with my girlfriends and then all will be right with the world once more. But it's not. 'Cos I've realised that I need him in my life. His totally random 'phone conversations annoy the hell outta me, but they offer a kinda security and I need them. I need him. To wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is gonna be okay. I think I've come to the stage now where the anger has subsided and I just feel sad for lost friendship. We always used to have a pretty physical relationship - not in that way, but we'd hug each other, hold hands, he'd tell me he loved me and then we'd curl up on the beach under a blanket. And now, not only have I lost his friendship - we said some pretty mean things to each other, even though I promised him I'd never hurt him - but, I've lost that, too. And I just don't think it's gonna be possible for us to get that trust back in the relationship to be able to mess around like that, again, without him thinking that I have some kind of ulterior motive. Last time we spoke he made it pretty clear that he didn't really wanna speak to me; he accused me of everything under the sun - turning our friends against him and making his life hell, etc. I now feel really bad, though, 'cos I didn't bother telling him about my surgery or anything remotely important that's happening in my life, and I can just tell that we're gonna have to have a very fun conversation in the not-too-distant future; we're going on holiday together for two weeks in the summer! It's not just like he lives down the road, either...he lives in London...I don't do awkward conversations well at the best of times, let alone when the person is 150 miles away! I know exactly how you feel! The same thing happened to me, and we never really got to make up. Now we have an okay relationship (I wouldn't say we're friends, but we get along) just because it's a long time ago and we have both had time to move on and calm down. To use my story as an example I think we could have saved at least our friendship if we hadn't both been so stubborn. You should probably talk to him, if not face to face you can write him a letter. We tried to make up face to face but that just made it worse because I'm a total coward when it comes to talking about feelings, and he didn't say anything... Well, you can imagine how that went It might work for other people to talk face to face, but if you do make sure you DON'T DO IT IN A PUBLIC PLACE!! (Been there, done that...) Sometimes (my experience) writing letters can be just as good, because you probably won't say things you regret, and when you write it you can be alone, crying or screaming without it being awkward and ending in another fight. Also you get time to choose your word, and in my opinion it's a lot easier to be honest when you write. My seggestion is that you clear things up by writing to each other because you also have to trust each other when you write (sounds stupid, but if you write a personal letter to someone you kinda trust them and believe they won't show it to their friends so they can have a good laugh) and then when you have mad sure you both understand each other you can talk face to face. I'm sorry if some of you now are left head-shaking, shocked by this extremely wrong suggestions from this weirdo in the freeze-country in north, but this is just my experience. Also remember (something it took me a long time to realise) : If he treats you like that and refuses to understand he might have changed, and he might no longer be the sweet, nice guy you knew. And you deserve better!
Jess Posted February 3, 2007 Report Posted February 3, 2007 I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this! I find it really easy to think that I'm all alone. I dunno, in Sixth Form {16/17/18} (going off the point entirely here, but oh well ) people expect you to be all "mature" and have boyfriends, and be in these long-term relationships and not have any drama. And then you get the over-commercialisation that is St. Valentine's Day and it just seems you're surrounded by all these sickengly loved-up couples. So, yeah, glad I'm not alone! I might write him a letter, that sounds like a pretty good idea. 'Cos when I text him, he just rings and we end up rowing. And then my Mum wants to know what's going on...now, that's an interesting one to explain when you've been close friends with the guy for so long! In a way, I wish we could go back to how things were before. But, then again, I always felt that the relationship was built on the fact that we had such a close relationship and I definately thought that there was "something there" - otherwise, believe me, I wouldn't've gone there. It generally takes me a lot of courage to do something like this and the last thing I wanted to jepordize the friendship. Like he used to act so "boyfriend-ish" towards me, and I guess it's just gonna take a while for me to build up my confidence again, so that I can trust that if a guy shows signs of liking me, that he actually does romantically. I could ramble here all night about how amazing he is, how much I love him and how much I just wanna hug him, but I guess I've got to figure out whether he is the guy I loved (ironically, because of his manner in these kinds of situations - talk about karma coming back to bite you on the bum! ) and whether we still have a relationship worth saving. I just don't know if two people with tension (sexual or otherwise) between them, 'cos let's face it, there's always gonna be "something" there whether we stay friends or not, can be just good friends, whilst still maintaining the trust in the relationship. Wow...I think I've gone into over-analytical mood! Thanks again, Eli. P.S. I'm sorry if some of you now are left head-shaking, shocked by this extremely wrong suggestions from this weirdo in the freeze-country in north, but this is just my experience. ^ That made me laugh so much. You make it sound like Norway is really backward, or something.
~Amy~ Posted February 3, 2007 Report Posted February 3, 2007 How do I found out if a friend... sees me as more than just a friend. Aside from asking him I'm too much of a coward.
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