Advice on boys

[Nicom]

Oh, and Amy - there isn't anyway in knowing for sure if he likes you.. just try to hint and stuff. That's all I can say.

Okay, the following thing isn't like a boy problem.. well it is.. but, it's more like a bit of confusion...

I have this friend, Jamie. I think he's going to be gay, everyone does, as he is rather camp and hangs around with the other camp boys in the year. One of them announced they were gay I think.. I'm not too sure.

Anyway, my boyfriend's friends tend to pick on him a bit. They mess around with him and tease him, not in a bullying way, just in a boyish way. Jamie isn't really that boyish, and he really doesn't like it. You can tell he gets annoyed, as he replys with "Just F*** off!" But all the other lads find it funny to wind him up and continue. Well, Jamie told me about one in particular really doing his head in; so I had a go at him (Matt). It was quite a big argument actually, I was shouting and we got quite close too. In my defence, he was the one who started raising his voice first, and got close to me. I just retaliated.

Well, Matt hasn't really done much since; but the others have continued. I think it has gone around the group of lads the little "discussion" me and Matt had had, as everytime they tease or annoy Jamie, they look at me.

Today I was waiting by the trees for my boyfriend and some of his mates, as we were all going down to the shops for dinner together. (My girly mates had 'band practice'. So I had to go to dinner with the lads.. *groans* lol) My boyfriend and his friend were laughing as they walked up to meet us, and talking about how they were teasing Jamie in their previous lesson about loving his other friend (who is also camp). All the lads were laughing as my boyfriend and his friend were saying what Jamie had said and generally making fun of him. I said nothing, I just kept my head down. Then, as we walked off to the shops Jamie walked past with his mates, and they all started cheering it again. It was horrible because you could tell by Jamie's face he didn't like it. When Jamie had gone and my boyfriend carried on joking about it, I couldn't help but say "You do know he really doesn't like it, don't you?" And he could tell I wasn't happy...

But I can't shout at him, because that's not right. I don't mind shouting at the other lads, because I wouldn't mind if they shouted back and called me whatever... but if my boyfriend did that... well, that wouldn't be good! I don't want to argue with him about it, or make me seem like an interfering, sulky girlfriend... Hmm, I don't know. Do you think I should talk to him about it? The problem is he'll either not pay much attention, or it'll end in an argument. *huff*

[Mez83]

That's a hard one, but if I was in that position and Joe was doing something that was obviously hurting my friends feelings, I'd probably yell at him.

[Eli]

That's a tough one, I have kind of the same problem.

I have a friend, and he has got to be gay. Now he responds to it a bit differently than Jamie. He kind of make fun of people saying they are gay too, just like people does about him, but I'l almost 100% sure it's just a defence.

He doesn't have a lot of guy friends, because the school he went to... well, none of the guys wanted to hang out with him because he's not into the regular guy's stuff (sports, football and cars...) but after we all changed schools I think it has gotten a lot better for him.

Some of the guys are still laughing at him and stuff (I actually think it's worse the way they ignore him. I can't even remember seeing him speak to any of the jocks, even if they're in our class) but the guys from the school I went to are a lot different (some of them, not all) and most of them are okay with him. I really think they are amazing. Even though they aren't exactly best friends a lot of the guys from my school don't have any problems with him at all. I know it sounds like I expect guys to have a problems with gays, but I don't. I just mean that it seems like most guys my age has a problem with it. It's a shame, but it's the way it is.

I don't think I have an answer to your problem, it's more like a sub-problem. Because he's constantly trying to convince everyone he isn't gay it's gonna make it so much harder for him when he decides to come out (assuming that I'm not wrong)

I wish there was something I could to help him

Sorry about the long, meaningless post.

[~Amy~]

Thanks for the advice but it turns out they don't pick up on the clues very well.

Nicole I'm not really sure what advice to give you, but if you feel really strongly about it (& it seems you do) then the best thing might be to talk to your boyfriend about it.

[Nicom]

Hmm, Yea, I guess I should talk to him tomorrow... *sighs* I'll start calmly and normally, and hopefully he won't argue. But I know he will, as I doubt very much he thinks he's in the wrong. He really is nice, the best out of his mates (I know I'm biased. ) but I mean, his friend Matt likes to call me a name every now and again, and he does to most of the other girls; but Aaron wouldn't dream of it. He's just really nice to everyone, so I doubt very much he'd actually think he was being horrible. That's why he'll be on the defensive when I tell him to stop because Jamie doesn't like it... he'll just want to prove that he's not doing anything mean. Urgh. This will be fun.

[Jess]

I. Feel. So. F**king. Angry. Arghhhh!

So, I'm chatting away to my friend on MSN and then the guy I've been having "problems" with rings her. That's fine by me. In fact, I'd like him to ring our friends more often, because he's always moaning at me about how I've turned them against him...so I'd really like to prove him wrong! But they don't just have a normal catch-up conversation. He starts bitching about me to my best friend. And then promptly bursts into tears. Yes, a guy cried because of me. 'Cos we'd had a row, so I guess he just decided to bitch about me to her. Unfortunately for him, he picked the wrong person to bitch to. Normally, this guy has such long conversations with people, and, if he was crying, then I know my friend would want to help him. But the conversation was over in about ten minutes. So I know my friend must've got sick of his slagging; she always said she wouldn't take any bulls**t off him about me. I'm so glad she did that, but it just makes me so angry that he's going around, slagging me off to my best friends when he's the one who's had a go at me in the past for turning these same friends against him by doing the same thing. Hypocrite. *

*Rant over. Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest. 'Cos I can't really bitch to my friend about it; she's just had it all with him. She doesn't need me, too.

[~Amy~]

I never get tired of someone bitching its healthy... or so I'm told He really does sound like a toal hypocrite!

[Nicom]

Pfft, he sounds like an egit. He needs to... stick his head in a toilet.

(it's the only thing I could think of..)

[~Angel~]

I've fallen out with my friend over my Boyfriend and I'm considering breaking up with him as i don't want our friend ship to completely vamnish. Do you think this will be the right thing to do... I'm confused and angry and upset and worried...

[bodwod]

I really depends what you've fallen out over. Has your boyfriend done something to upset her or does she just not like him?