Support Group

[~Lynd~]

I know what you all mean.I only really have one good friend who i spend heaps of time with.most of the other friends i've had have used me,or we've just grown apart.I spends most days on the net and watching tv becourse i find it very hard to get motivated to do much else.I know i have to change things but don't really know how or where to start.

[Eli]

Thanks

My story is almost exactly like yours, Marie. My best friend and I was best friends for 12 years, and then when we changed school after 7th grade (I've always gone to small schools where eberyone knows each other) we met a new girl, and we started hanging out all the time. We had so much fun, and it was like if we didn't have anything to celebrate we came up with something. Instead of just celebrating birthdays and holidays we celebrated last week before exams, new movies, we had TV-marathons and we never had a single fight.

But then, right before this summer the girl I've known for the longest time got a boyfriend, and we really hated him (imagine all the kids in the american version of BratCamp, in ONE person) because all he did was lying to her, smoking pot and getting drunk.

But then she cheated on him , and he broke up with her (as if cheating was anything compared to how he treated her) but she still hung out with friends she had met when they were dating. Of course it didn't make it any better that we started high school (we all go to studiespesialisering, but she has studiespesialisering/formgivning so we're in different classes) and we don't have any classes together. You'd think this didn't matter because we're only across the hall from each other, and we still have all the breaks together, but trust me, it does matter.

Now I hardly ever get to hang out with her anymore, so it's just me and my other friend. We really miss her, but she has changed a lot.

Unfortunately I don't have a big sister (I only have a much older foster brother and a younger sister) but one of my other best friends has always been like a big sister to me. She's four years older than me, but we've always been close and had a lot of fun together even though there's an age difference. She and I used to talk a lot, but then she moved to Oslo to go to school, after living a year in Denmark, so I have only spoken to her like 2 times the last year.

And on top of all this I'm really busy with school, so I hardly ever get time to hang out with my friends (because don't live that close to them that I can walk, and my parents work a lot, and there's no buses to the places my friends live) my life is pretty much waking up, forcing myself to get out of bed, going to school, going home, watching TV or surfing, doing homework and go to sleep. Plus I work on Mondays and Fridays. Luckily I at least have a job I like.

[Marieh]

Everyone say that people change, but for me it was hard because they didn't change over some weeks, it was in one day. And then my best friend moved, and it was like I had no one left. And now everytime she gets home she wants to drink - something I don't want to do every weekend because every now and then is enough for me. But anyway, we had some problems and since she live 520 km away from me I don't see her often or talk to her. But then here the other day I just sendt her an e-mail and now I feel like we are closer then we've been all year, and that's just because of some words one a piece of paper.

Well it's good that you have a job then, and I'm sure you meet alot of interesting people to. What do you do?

[Eli]

I work as a journalist at a local newspaper.

What you say about your friend is almost exactly how my friend changed too! All she ever does is getting drunk on weekends, and she started smoking just because it was a social thing (don't get me wrong, I would never ditch anyone because they start smoking! It's just that she's changing so much about herself) and she's just no longer the person she seemed to be a few months ago. Actually she has changed before (it's all because of a girl my other friends and I hate because she thinks she's so much better that others) several times, but then she and her friend (the girl we hate) has got into a fight, and she has come running back to us. But this time it's different, because in my new school there's almost 900 students, so she has a lot of friends we don't like, so fighting with her friend won't help us anything.

And I agree about the changing fast thing, sometimes a person is someone you like one day, and then the next time it's like he/she is someone else you don't know at all.

[Jess]

Okay...I bitch about a lot of things, but I trust that Mum won't take it any further and tell anyone, or anything like that. Anyway...I haven't seen my Dad for about 6 months, so after nagging me into submission, Mum arranged for us to meet up (without checking the night first).... That annoyed me enough. The man hasn't been in my life for 15 years, why start now? As far as I'm concerned, I have a father and it isn't him. But anyway, I've tried in the past few months to meet up with him and every night I've suggested, he hasn't been able to make because his wife won't let him, or something. So I bitched quite a lot to Mum about her, because the whole situation just generally wound me up. So Mum's just told me that when she 'phoned him, she told him that I thought she's being a pain and that I've been bitching about her. She's started the third world war. I hate her so much right now; I've already got one evil "mother", I don't need another. I just wanna cry and scream, but what good will it do?

[I Love Mark Furze]

AN ACT OF BETRAYAL (contains some unsavoury words)

My life has changed completely in the space of one week ago tonight, at this point, i've never felt more alone.

I went to the pub last Saturday night with a couple of friends and the new chef, Bobo, 26 who works as a chef at the local pizza place, the Sutor Creek, where my neighbour, Linda, 44 also works bought me, Jan, 20 and one of my best friends, Debbie, 21 (who doesn't live in the same town) a drink, then later, as the pub was closing, he invited whoever back to his, my auntie, Caroline, 50, my neighbour, her boyfriend, Billy, 36 (who is best mates with the chef guy), my other friend, Catriona, 20 (who does live in the same town as me and whom i've known since primary school) and i all went back, he only had red wine and vodka, i took a red wine, i was sitting on the couch with my neighbour and the chef, she said something to him, so he bumped her, she bumped me and spilt the red wine all over my inside wooly white cardigan, then a few minutes later, the same thing happened again, this time it went all over my expensive suede coat that my uncle bought me, i wasn't amused and decided to leave, but Debbie came after me, i told her to just leave it, then the chef came after me and told me to come back inside or go home, but either way not to wake his landlord who was in the house next to his, i decided to go back in and see if i could get an appology from my neighbour, all she said was that it was an accident, then we just got into a heated debate about the tone of her voice back to me after i'd spoken to her, which happened regularly anyway, her attitude is not good, my auntie told me to come and sit with her on the floor, so i did, then my neighbour's boyfriend knocked the red wine on the carpet. A bit after Catriona, was walked home by Debbie, then a bit after that my auntie and i just left, i'd called my neighbour a bully etc. for the way she'd spoken to me and my auntie thought enough was enough and dragged me away, then i was stupid enough to try and appologise before i went, (the effects of alcohol) she calls me daft and a nutter infront of other people all the time and i'm two years younger than her daughter who has a boyfriend and a son and doesn't live near her anymore because she's nothing but a 44 year old CHILD.

On Sunday, a few nasty texts were exchanged between my neighbour and i over her paying, or not paying for the coat, and i also got the blame for spilling the rest of the wine on the carpet, which she knows full well was her boyfriend. Then Debbie asked if she could come up at 9.30am, she'd stayed all night at the chef's house, which i thought was weird, she hadn't asked to stay at mine, which she normally does most weekends, but then the next night, after getting off the phone to her, she sent me a text saying "Hey, what bus are you going home on tomorrow after college", i told her the lunch time bus, and asked her why, she said she was going to phone me that was all. My auntie and i went shopping on the Tuesday, got the lunch time bus, my neighbour and her boyfriend were on it and kept well away from me, then when the bus pulled into the town where we stay, my auntie noticed Debbie was on it and getting off with them, when i saw her, i didn't really think she was with them, but i did think it was odd that she never spoke to me, i said to my auntie that she probably would've been coming to surprise me - i got a surprise alright, a nasty hore of a one, it turns out she was cavorting with the enemy - and still is and at the same time being ignorant to me - all for the sake of holding on to a man who will give her an ongoing bounce, she couldn't tell me straight out when i asked her on the Sunday morning if she was seeing the chef, no she had to lie and say she had slept on the chair. My auntie and i went up to the bus stop on the Tuesday evening to see if she'd be getting the dinner time bus home, she came out of the chef's house across the road, pretended she hadn't seen us and carried on walking up to my neighbour's house, where she told her everything i had said about her on the phone the night before, becuase of the coat, as an hour later, i got a text from my neighbour saying "Who the f*** are you calling a cow and Dougie (my uncle) won't make me pay for the coat" (which will cost £25.00 to be dry cleaned), then two minutes later i got a text off my "friend" "Hey Jan, what you up to tonight", which is what she'd normally send, but when she was right next door and making a fool out of me i just saw red, against my mother's advice, to ignore it, i sent her one back saying "f*** off and i want my computer games back", she didn't respond. I sent her a text a couple of days later asking for an explanation as to why she's done what she has. She said she only saw my auntie on the bus, not me (yet she knew i was going to be on it) and she saw people at the bus stop, but again, didn't know it was me, or my auntie this time, then i texted her again saying "if there really is no funny business, then you're not trying very hard to convince me otherwise. I really don't know what's come over you since Monday night". She replied, "Nothing's going on and the only reason i didn't text you back is because i can't be bothered fighting".

My mother and i had bought her birthday present, we were going to her party, but after that we decided not to go, my mother was horrified on Tuesday when she saw her going into my neighbour's house, at first she thought she was going to get her present and then coming into ours, but then when she saw her going out with her and the boyfriend, she realised what was going on, that my friend is screwing the chef and i'm no longer good enough, most probably because i'm a virgin, who has dignity and doesn't hore and tour the whole of the Black Isle looking for a screw where ever i can get one, all because she hasn't had one for a couple of years.

I helped her through so much, we knew each other in secondary school, but weren't really that close, then we met again on the bus a few years ago and that was that - mates. Last year, her ex boyfriend (who lived here) hung himself, i helped her through that, cause she still liked him, then this year, she had breast cancer, i helped her through that, when she came down every weekend we watched Home and Away together, she got a feed and a bed, which most of the time she didn't even thank my mother for, i fixed up her new laptop, installed word, publisher, games, etc., got her internet connection sorted with BT, made phone calls for her because she didn't want to do it herself and this is the thanks i get for being her friend.

I've been a bit depressed about it, i can't seem to snap out of it, i spent most of my time with her, now i feel very alone, as my other friends seem to be taking her on more than me, they all went to her party, but Catriona kept me informed, our friend Ailsa doesn't really want to get involved in it all.

Today she came down with an overnight bag, to my neighbour's house, i don't know if she's staying with her or the chef, but she still has the hard neck to walk past my house and feel nothing after coming here for so many years, i still haven't got my games, cause Catriona turned on me too, said she was going into town, it was between me and her, she didn't want to be involved and to get the games myself. I've still got photos of hers and an air bed, which she won't get if i don't get my games, but mum said she'll buy them for Xmas if i really want them and to just forget about her if she wants to be like that, she said she'll never step foot over our door again even when the boyfriend and my neighbour have no further use for her, my neighbour can be very easily upset by the slightest comment and i don't think her hospitality will last as long as ours, most of my family think she'll be crawling back to me in no time, the chef's not the settling down time by all accounts, so she needn't get too comfortable, then she'll discover what it's like to feel alone, cause her family aren't that caring either, she just lives in the house and that's about it i think. She's never invited me back to her's either, once or twice knowing i'd say no cause she has animals.

My dad thinks she used this house as a bolt hole for coming down and trying to find a shag, now she's found one, she has no further use for me, so ignorance is bliss as far as she's concerned and me going quietly makes things all the better for her. I've been texting her - bitterly, probably not the best thing, but i'm so angry with her. I can't even be anywhere without being reminded, my house, the pubs, even college cause i was going to invite her to the Productions we do and i told her all about the other people on the course, moaned to her about stuff, she's taken it all away and all for the sake of a man. I said to her "Boys will come and they will go, friends are forever, shame you don't believe in that"!

I don't know what to do anymore, i feel so lost, no matter how much i'm told to let it all wash over me, when i see them all hanging around together, it still hurts, because i thought she was my friend and i have lost her forever because she decided to be so stupid.

[~Amy~]

Okay...I bitch about a lot of things, but I trust that Mum won't take it any further and tell anyone, or anything like that. Anyway...I haven't seen my Dad for about 6 months, so after nagging me into submission, Mum arranged for us to meet up (without checking the night first).... That annoyed me enough. The man hasn't been in my life for 15 years, why start now? As far as I'm concerned, I have a father and it isn't him. But anyway, I've tried in the past few months to meet up with him and every night I've suggested, he hasn't been able to make because his wife won't let him, or something. So I bitched quite a lot to Mum about her, because the whole situation just generally wound me up. So Mum's just told me that when she 'phoned him, she told him that I thought she's being a pain and that I've been bitching about her. She's started the third world war. I hate her so much right now; I've already got one evil "mother", I don't need another. I just wanna cry and scream, but what good will it do?

It'll make you feel better Jess. Maybe you should chat with your Dad about it?

My Problem: I've never been Ms Popular but I have a few good friends and now I'm starting to realise that they aren't even my "friends". They're constanly putting me down, trying to embarrass me and general being b*tchy. And I'm fed up with it so now when they are trying to put me down I generally try and act like it doesn't bother me or I say something about them. But it does and its really starting to get me down so now when they are having a conversation I stay quiet and hope the don't say anything about me. I'm becoming really quiet and shy which isn't like me. I'm trying not to think about it........ but its all I can think about!

[Jess]

Amy, I barely know him well enough to ask him how he is...but oh well, there's no point crying over spilt milk.

Have you tried saying anything to your friends? Maybe the one you're closest to out of the group? Girls can be so bitchy about each other sometimes.

[~Amy~]

Oh sorry I knew I wasn't going to me much help.

The thing is the one I was closest to is the one who generally "leads" the others.

[Jess]

Oh sorry I knew I wasn't going to me much help.

The thing is the one I was closest to is the one who generally "leads" the others.

No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in a bad way! I'm just feeling sorry for myself...it just feels nice to be able to tell someone else about it! *hugs*

That whole situation sounds pretty bad...couldn't you try saying something to one of the others? Maybe then they'll see that they're being "lead" by this other girl...