Support Group

[Dan F]

I'm so sorry to hear that Cal!

I know exactly what you're going through, I don't think I cried much at all when my gran died a couple of years back, and I was very close to her. It may have been something to do with knowing it was coming and being able to slowly grieve over the couple of months she had left.

But it's nothing to feel guilty about, it's just that different people cope with things in different ways

[AngelRose]

There's no way or set timescale to grieving but we are all individual and the person we've lost was individual. However you feel is valid. As well as that you do say stress is particularly bad for you your subconscious may also be trying to protect you. *HUG*

[MarMar]

Merc, I don't know if this makes any sense but you can't grieve for your Dad, but maybe you need to grieve/be mad at not having the 'perfect' family the rest of the world seems to outsiders to have.

The 'perfect' family doesn't exsist of course, but still the vast majority of people do deserve it & again the vast majority of people are taught to seek it, so it's ok to greive for the lack of it.

I love Kat's letter idea to; I write 'Dear God' letters sometimes & find them helpful.

Hope you don't mind my speaking up.

I don't mind you speaking up, but it seems you have misunderstood my posts.

[AngelRose]

Oh, sorry

[Di]

Cal, People deal with things differently, it's not about how much you cry. People think if they not cried enough they didn't care, thats soooooooooo not true. It's still early days yet Cal!

Thinking of you hun.

[Pierced Musie]

I knew when my Gramps died (a few years ago). I was lucky enough to have seen him in hospital 24 hours before he died. This was lucky because that side of the family is huge. My Dad has a lot of brothers and sisters and most have families of there own.

The night that he died I kind of knew it was coming. I remember exactly what I was doing at that time. I was upstairs in my parents room and watching TV when I felt it. About half an hour later the phone rang and Mum broke the news. My middle sis was the first to cry (as usual) and everyone followed.

I didn't. Not because I am a heartless bitch. I didn't cry because I knew he wanted to die. Granny died a year before and he wasn't the same after that. He lost his spark and, when he finally died, I was happy for him.

I did cry a few weeks later though. I didn't go to his funeral because I knew there would be a lot of mourners. I broke down a few minutes after my parents left for the church. I guess the good memories caught up with me. I have a picture of Granny & Grampa in my purse. The look on his face always makes me smile.

Mourning is a tricky thing. Some go days, some go weeks and some even go months without mourning. I never met my Grampa S(Mums Dad) but I know that my Nan went quite a few months before breaking down.

[-Laura-]

Yer as everyone else said different people deal with grief differently and its still early! You are just coming to terms with it! I know that when my grandparents died i reacted differently to each of their deaths and my family around me! And still feel differently for them now! Im not really one to show emotion in front of people so when i saw my sister really breaking down at my last grandparent to dies funeral i felt guilty i wasnt but then sometimes when i am alone i think about him and have a little cry! It was the same with my friend who died last year! Everybody was breaking down when we were told it was him in school and then at his funeral a few months later but i just couldnt show any emotion in front of them! It does get easier! And my thoughts are with you and your family also!

[Reo]

Deleted

[MarMar]

I see what you mean, Muse - I didn't go to my dad's funeral when he died. I hadn't talked with his for the last two years, and frankly, I didn't want to either.

[Nicom]

Don't feel bad that you're not crying. You know that you're sad inside, you know that you aren't at all happy about the situation, you're just showing it and grieving differently, that's all. The fact that you feel guilty shows how much you care.

Okay, I have a problem. My first problem on here (i think) and I guess it's pretty stupid and petty compared to most of the others; but hey, I want to rant! lol.

My parents have gone down to London for the weekend, leaving me and me sister home alone.

Well today we broke into an argument, and I'm not just saying this but it was her that brought it up. I'd started talking to her to help her out, as she was on the phone to our Dad who was winding her up by lying. I straightened it out for her before she lost her temper. Anyway, when she hung up (annoyed by our Dad) she started having a bit of a go. The reason was stupid - For an early christmas present I got a graphics card in my computer so Sims 2 runs on it. (We haven't been able to play it for months because it wouldn't work) It's on my computer, but I allow her to play on Sim's as it is our game. I gave Dad the game back, asking him to hide it somewhere until he got back because I didn't want to be distracted from revision. But I did tell him to ask my sister first, in case she wanted to play on it over the weekend. Anyway, in true Dad style, he didn't, so my sister called me selfish.

The argument kind of grew from there, and we yelled at each other and she hit me in the face. I hadn't done anything threatening towards her whatsoever, we were just yelling at each other. So, I wasn't impressed, and I did the very immature thing of throwing the money i had in my hand at her. (Lol, yes, it was stupid of me, but she'd hurt and shocked me.) Well, then she got up and grabbed my hair and began to pull it and not let go. Ouch. lol. Shoved me against a door frame and still wouldn't let go. I didn't retaliate, because she's much bigger than me and she would totally win anyway. So, I just kept telling her to let go. When she finally did, we were still arguing. (I'm stubborn, I wasn't going to let her think I was frightened of her. But, I didn't threaten her either. I just told her off for doing what she'd just done) Well, she gave me a back hander. Which hurt. A lot. lol. We argued a bit more, and that was it. We just walked off in seperate directions.

I'm glad I didn't hit her back, because that would have made what she did right. I know we argue, but at the end of the day we're sisters; she shouldn't hit me. She really surprised me to be honest, and her reasoning for hitting me was "You're Annoying Me". She actually screamed in my face, which was nice.

Anyway, after that we stayed out of each other's way, but I wanted to clear the air a bit. I apologized for saying a nasty comment to her during the time where she had my hair in her fist. (I felt very bad for it) She accepted the apology, but told me she wasn't going to apologize. That just ticked me off. She acted like she'd done nothing wrong! Like hitting her younger sister twice (one with A LOT of "Thwack") and pulling her hair and shoving her into a door frame wasn't bad! I couldn't believe it! So, I did the first thing that came into my head... threatened her with Mum and Dad. I knew she wouldn't want them to know. Anyway, her reply was to make something up! She made up a fun little intro, where I was to blame! She just kept repeating it, pretending it was the truth! I couldn't get over it, she just stood there and lied, almost trying to convince me! It was her way of saying "You tell them I hit you, I'll tell them you started it."

That's when I realised she was not worthy of my apology. lol.

I can't believe her though. We don't get on brilliantly, but we never normally get physical. She likes to throw her weight around, hitting things and stuff, but I thought that was all to scare me; I didn't think she'd actually hit me. And let me tell you, it hurt! She's a lot bigger than me, and a lot stronger. That's half the reason why I didn't dare hit back! Lol.

Well, I obviously didn't ring the parents because I don't want to spoil there trip, but I don't know whether to tell them when they get back. I don't want her doing it again, and I don't think it's right she gets away with it. But I don't want to be a snitch, AND Mum and Dad won't trust us again. They'll be mad at us. Which my sister is using to make me not say anything.

I'm stuck. What would you do? Snitch or keep it to yourself?