Support Group

[Tamxxx]

I feel like a total failure at the moment im 5ft8 and a half nearly and weigh 12 and a half stone omg that is so fat and all my family think im overweight and big, im big boned plus me being so tall and fat as well, I look like a giant , my family was going to a wedding and i wanted to wear heels and omg my sister and mum was like *oh please dont wear those, your already tall and big enough it looks silly to be wearing heels with your height and weight, and now my friend she is a waif she is like between 5 and a half stone to 6 stones and she is 164cm, so she is very thin but im so jealous i wish i was like her! she was joking to me and saying i should give some of my fat to her because she wants to gain a stone, Im sick of being fat and cant stop my greedy mouth from eating and being so dam lazy i really sometimes wish i was anorexic so I could get thinnier more faster or maybe have a gastric implant, as thats the only available option

As the saying the thinner the winner!

[Nicom]

Teens is a weird time for things like this. I'm not a girly girl, I don't put on make up or high heels, wear skirts and such... the last time I wore a skirt was to dress up as a Smurf. (It was quite brilliant might I say. Having blue limbs has never been so fun! ..I'm off topic) But, I've recently noticed that I've been self conscious about my weight.

That's teens I'm guessing!

But, everytime I find myself thinking "Maybe I shouldn't have that chocolate bar" I remind myself that I'm me, and if I want to change that much, I'll do it the proper way - go on a diet.

You should be happy that you're not anorexic. It's a very heartbreaking disease and very hard to get out of. Now, I'm not saying losing weight is easy peasy, because it takes a lot of will power (that I don't have ). But if you feel the way that I sense you feel, then I think you have the will power.

I know I probably shouldn't be encouraging diets to someone who could be under 18, but I'm not meaning anything drastic. Just something that makes you feel happy. Because after all, that's what counts. You're not feeling sad because other people think you're "fat", you are sad because you do. You need some confidence, and if losing that little bit of weight helps, or just maintaining what you are, then that's whats important. Just be sensible around it, and you'll be fine. And much happier.

[Skykat]

I have to say Tam I find your post extremely disturbing.

Anorexia is a terrible, terrible illness. I suffered with it for years and it nearly destroyed me both physically and emotionally. I find it unbelievable that you could post that you actually want to be sick.

Rant over.

As for your body issues. Everybody has body issues, I don't think I've ever met a person who is 100% happy with themselves. At this point in your life you're still growing and maybe at the moment you're tall for your age but I promise you in a few years all your friends will be so envious of you being tall.

As for wanting to lose weight...it seems to me, from your posts in other threads as well that you're surrounded by people, family and friends who are negative about you, put you down and expect too much of you. Maybe I have that wrong but its the impression I get. These people are wrong to have these attitudes towards you and you need to tell them. Next time your friend makes a flippant remark to you, tell her that it offends you and if she continues to do it then she's no sort of friend. It sounds to me that by running you down she's boosting her own self esteem. Do not let her do it, what gives her the right to run you down in order to feel better?

As for your parents...the impression I get is that they expect an awful lot from you and are never satisfied with you and that undermines your confidence. Again you need to tell them just what they're doing to you when they make comments and put pressure on. They might think that they're helping you with their attitudes but they're not and you need to make them aware of it.

I think you need to take a good long look at yourself and ask whether you're happy with yourself. If your parents and friends were telling you they wished they were as tall as you or as gorgeous as you, would you still want to change yourself? Sometimes when you're not happy with yourself its so easy to just eat because eating makes you feel better and eating is easy. It takes willpower to lose weight but if you really want to do it, for you, not for anyone else, then you have your motivation. If you do want to do it, do it properly.

Starving yourself does not make you lose weight, it makes you ill. I really can't stress that enough. If you really do want to lose weight then a healthy diet is the way to do it. Three meals a day and substitute junk food with fruit and veg or healthy snaks. Also going the gym or doing exercise not only helps with weight loss but also makes you feel really good about yourself because you feel healthy.

If you do want to lose weight that's the way to do it, not by starving yourself.

Maybe I'm being overly harsh but to me saying you wish you had anorexia is in the hope that you'll shock your family and friends into being more positive towards you and I'm telling you now it doesn't work like that. If you want them to change their attitudes you have to tell them and in the meantime realise that whatever it makes you feel, the only person who's opinion really counts is your own and nobody else has the right to make you feel anything.

[Tamxxx]

Thanks for the advice nicom and SKYKAT.

In order to lose weight I would do anything, sometimes i think maybe i should eat only 100 calories, a day and see if I lose weight, what is really annoying is that I love food, and i hate excercise, so its very hard for me to gain confidence and stop and take action thats why i sometimes get angry and really do wish i had an anorexic mind, so that i can get fat of my body and everyone will think im thin , thats the only way out, my mum wants me to eat little and everytime we have family dinners, she stops me from getting second helpings which is good i guess in the long run but it makes me feel even more fat like omg do i eat so much that I need to be stopped? I think atleast being anorexic is better then being overweight

[Mez83]

Actually anorexia can kill you. There is nothing good about being anorexic. At all. I'm highly disturbed that you want to be anoriexic. You seem to think it's something glamourous.

[MarMar]

I'm more than disturbed. To tell the truth, I'm a bit offended, and I've never even been diagnosed! As Mez says, it's not glamorous at all to have your life controlled by a distorted self-image and weight and body and a constant urge to be thinner.

However, it seems to me that you have a (serious?) problem with eating - there is an eating disorder diagnosis for those who cannot stop eating as well! If you're ready for it, I think you should get some help. Sounds to me like your family could use it as well.

---

I've worked a lot on myself these last few weeks, but more so the last few days. I think I might be ready to take the next step and get myself some help. I've looked around on the uni web-site and they're offering 1) a priest to talk to (yeah, right - that'll happen), 2) a social worker, 3) a psychologist and 4) a psychotherapy-group for 5-8 people, with 3 openings in January. God, I'm scared!

[Nicom]

Ook, you need to stop thinking like that.

I don't want to sound evil, but I was so sure that after SKYKAT's post common sense would kick in and you'd understand that wishing Anorexia is a very bad thing. Obviously not...

YOu like food, and don't like exercise?

Sounds familiar. lol. Very few people don't like food, and a lot don't like excercise. But, that's when the real wishes of losing weight come in, and you need determination to get to your goal. You keep thinking of that goal, you'll reach it. Just follow a diet, a SENSIBLE diet, and all will be good. Don't stop eating, in fact, eating regularly has been proved to help losing weight - just make sure you don't eat crap regularly.

Also, 100 Calories a day? Wow, that's like a Blue Ribbon chocolate bar, OR a Packet of Quavers. Have fun.

Merc - Good on you for getting help.

[Mez83]

Mar I'm glad you're getting help. Even if it is scaring the hell out of you, that just makes you all the more braver for getting help

[MarMar]

Well, I haven't done anything yet, but there is this contact e-mail address which I think I'll write to.

[Skykat]

I know I already said this but I'm posting it in here. You've made a huge step in getting help Merc and you're really, really brave. I admire your guts and things are going to get better for you very soon. I honestly believe that because you're going to write the letter and go for the sessions because you're strong enough to do it, you've just got to believe in yourself.