Support Group

[MarMar]

I'm going to admit something that I haven't admitted to anyone. On my journal I wrote about how I woke up Friday morning feeling different. It was like something clicked in my brain and had left me feeling... normal. I felt confident and like a human being. A feeling that I hadn't felt in years.

Thursday night was actually a different story. I was a wreck and my thoughts were not nice. I was actually beginning to come around to the idea of making myself sick. The thought in my mind was I could just do it for a couple of months, just to look a little bit more weight. Then the thoughts went to cutting myself until finally, I looked in the mirror and felt so tempted to pick up a knife and end it.

Not even Shane & Casey, who I know a few on here think they are just an online joke but aren't, could stop the thoughts.

Yet I woke up feeling different. And Friday morning turned out to be the best morning of my life.

Tam, trust me on this. Thinner does not mean confidence.

As a side note, I booked an appointment with my doc to discuss one last thing. I plan on explaining about Shane & Casey (voices only) because I just need to know if it means more. This is one thing I know I should have told her about two years ago but never had the courage to say it...

You're so brave for admitting this, Jess! I've had a few suicide "attempts" over the last few years, and I know how easy it sometimes is to get into that mind set.

Does your doc know anything about Shane and Casey?

[victim-ofthenight]

Too keep this short and sweet im offended in 2 ways 2 things i dont talk about often

i have tourettes syndrome and ocd and suffer depression leading onto

this has caused me in the past to not eat for months or make myself sick HOWEVER

these are the 2 most important points on why i post this cos i was going to leave it

having mental disabilitys im talking from expierience sorry if this offends you tam but

when people say i got this i got that and rant on about it constantly and say im depressed etc is 99% not true real depressed people do the opposite they say nothing they dont even realise they are same as thoose with eatting disorders hide it. You have done right in seeking help just gone a bloody heartless inconsiderate way of doing it whether the problem be a mental of psysical one

edit- Kat you cant be banned for having an opinion you was trying to help and had your advice thanked and then ignored. Tam im sure people will help you if you take the right paths

rick

[Pierced Musie]

Doc knows nothing. In fact, no one in the outside world knows about them. Something I now realize was stupid to keep to myself.

What I want to express is that the voices are not nasty and not disturbing. They have actually managed to calm me down when I have been in dark times. But the two voices have different feelings. One fills me with confidence and the other sooths me.

I just need to know if this is a mental condition or is this something others go through. Another possibility is split personality.

[Gypsy & Will Fan]

You sure are brave Jess (can I call you that?)

As a self harmer and serial sucide attempter for years I know where your coming from.

Mine started since I could remember really, my mum blames my dad and I suppose I do too. My dad walked out on me when I was six weeks old because they found out I had a disablity.

Then I got bullied at school, I got pushed down the stairs, chewing gum spat in my hair, they bog washed me, told me I was thick, stupid and that my own dad couldn't bear to be near me.

It all got to much for me and one night I used the pills I was saving up for weeks and weeks and took them one by one and slit my wrists. I don't remember much after that, but my mum says she found me on a bloody duvet out cold. I can't believe I mad my mum go through that.

Then when I woke up after the atempt dad and I argued and he told me he wished I had succeeded as I was stupid spastic bitch. I was devesated.

I became a recluse after school and didn't want to go out or do anything, if I went near the front door I'd struggle to breath.

But thanks to mum's new boyfriend, my boyfriend and my counselling sessions I'm going out and enjoying life.

And don't worry talbking abou Casey and Shane, I talk about my ribbon, my ribbon is my comforter and if I;m sad I twiggle it in my fingers and it makes me feel better and sometimes I even talk to it or ask it questions.

I can't believe I just said that, but hey I don't care!

[MarMar]

You're both incredibly brave!

[Pierced Musie]

Your Dad is a ****. He is the stupid one, for abandoning such a fantastic girl.

It is strange. I know that people online used to think that Casey & Shane were just a joke. An online only thing for me.

Wrong.

It started with dreams (they appeared), then the voices piped up until finally, I could actually see them. Not sure if I should say that last part or not to the doc.

[Gypsy & Will Fan]

You should talk about anything you feel comfortable with. I started talking about how I felt like I had two parents (before James) with my ribbon and how it could never leave me like my dad, or talk about me behind my back because it was my own special friend that only me knew how to comunicate with.

My dad always used to hide it when I stayed at his and I actually felt incomplete without it, like someone had ripped apart of me out of me.

My counsellor just told me that the ribbon was my way of dealing with my dad and the bullying and that one day I won't need it anymore. I still sleep with it in my hand and I still have to take it out with me in my coat pocket but I am beginning to not panic if I forget it.

[Pierced Musie]

Incomplete! That is how I felt a few months ago when S & C pulled a disappearing act on me. I felt so alone at that point and the morning they both returned made me feel so... excited.

[Gypsy & Will Fan]

I know, its like someone returning you haven't seen for years, I remember mum hoovered my ribbon up I was so upset, I made her open the bag up immediately to get it out. Or when I forget it on holiday once I didn't smile at all for the whole holiday as my only friend couldn't enjoy it with me.

[Pierced Musie]

... Do you think we are the sane ones? And the rest are all insane? :cool: