Support Group

[AngelRose]

I've been watching this thread for a while trying to work up the courage to post here. I don't know if there's any advice I can be given but it'll feel better to talk about it.

I have cerebral palsy, which means I use an electric wheelchair & need help with things like bathing, using the toilet and dressing. However, I have a degree, hold down a part-time, paid job at my local museum. My parents are Irish but I was born in London & consider myself English.

The 'problem' is that now my parents are thinking of retiring back to Ireland and want/need me to go with them. They & I know that, some day they won't be able to pyhsically look after me (or be around), forever, but they want me to have relatives around in the future. It's not that I don't love my family, but their job is to be my family not just my Personal Assistants. I could have PA's & all the other things I need in Ireland to.

Knowing that H&A airs over there is one of the reasons I got back into it & joined here. I've been trying to assess the parts of my life that I could 'pack in my suitcase' should I chose to and take with me. H&A & the net are just 2 of those constants.

Part of me wants to stay in London because it's the city I know and love and partly because the ONLY reason this is a problem is because of my wheelchair, I hate my chair for that! I'm 33, single (never had a boyfriend), and if I was 'disability free', I can't know for sure but it's likely I'd be married and maybe have kids now.

Life in Ireland might be good, I might get a job, somewhere to live independantly, & TRUELY I haven't made up my mind or my heart, but I HATE the fact that is a choice I have to make because my life has left me no choice!

I also HATE the fact that this is no-one's fault and I have no-one to blame, no-one to fairly be angry at but I'm trying SO HARD not to vent in unfair ways to blameless people; sadly for you, that means I might need to vent here now and then instead.

Thanks for reading.

[MarMar]

I don't think I can offer any advice for the time being, AngelRose, but I do understand your frustrations and that you're angry

[victim-ofthenight]

I'm sorry Tam but I can't give you any advice at all on losing weight in a hurry because as I've said repeatedly I 100% disagree with it. I believe that if you genuinely want to lose weight then you have to have the patience to see it through over time with a healthy, balanced diet and good exercise regime. There is no easy way to lose weight or we'd all be doing it. These people who lose weight so quickly do so by crash dieting and crash dieting can only go one of two ways. Either you lose weight and instantly regain it, usually far more weight than you had before and lots of things like your skin, your general health will suffer or you continue to crash diet. That is what is known as an eating disorder. Neither of these options are healthy, neither are good for you and neither will keep you slim in the long run, both will only ever make you sick. Sorry if its not the answer you're looking for but its the only honest answer to give.

As for wanting to have an 'anorexic mind' as you mentioned in many of your previous posts - there is no such thing. Someone with an anorexic mind has an eating disorder, they're sick, they have problems and thats not something to envy. Maybe I've misunderstood the gist of what you were trying to say Tam but I feel you've repeatedly insulted and offended me with your thoughts in this thread so thats the last response you will ever get from me. I have nothing more to say on this subject.

Sometimes anorexia is choosed as part of a life style like a pro- ana forums I have been to

Do you know something as a sufferer OF BOTH an eating disorder AND tourettes syndrome/ocd your behaviour i find very insulting wishing on yourself something that others so desperately want to get rid of good lord. i strongly agree with tainted muse

[AngelRose]

It's ok to vent here sometimes though, yeah?

[MarMar]

Yeah, sure it is! I vent frequently. Both here and in my LJ... Think my friends-list is sick of it

[Emmadolly]

Hi girls, i have not been on for a while, as i have had a rough time over the last 8 weeks, you name it , and it happened to us. The list is endless to mention to you. But we thought all our troubles were over, until yesterday.

I have my 16 year old step daughter living with us ( Danica), she has been here for 3 months now. And as i have known her since she was born, we have a very close bond. I have always been aware that she likes the boys, and she never seems to be with out a boyfriend for longer than 2 days. As soon as she ends one relationship, she will start a new one.

I am in a dilemma about how to handle this, as yesterday she finished a relationship with a boy after 2 weeks, ( Carl is a really nice boy, i know him very well, and he is a good lad) . She ended it as she still had feeling for a boyfriend we made her dump 3 weeks ago( Rob , as he was suspended from school for being abusive to the teachers. He has been escorted into school the last week for him to sit his mock exams, that how much of a waste of time he is, he is then made to leave the school premises. The reason why we made her end it with Rob, is because he lives 2 miles from where we live, but she is the one that walks to his house to call for him, and she walks home on her own. And 3 weeks ago when he was first suspended, she went on the mitch to his house.

The school contacted us, and i new where she was, so we went to his house and we dragged her out, and i told him never to call at our house for her, or phone her. As i phoned him 21 times to ask him if she was there missing school with him, as he was suspended. He repeatedly said NO to us. He even told us where she may be mitching to, so her dad , and our 3 year old daughter and myself were searching the nearby forest for her.

Then we decided to go to his house, and that was where we found her.

But my worry is, and it has always been a worry for us. She seems to sleep with these boys straight away. She has had sex with 2 different boys in the last 3 weeks. She seems to think it is ok, as she is in a relationship with them. I have tried everything i can to tell her , to take care of her self, and respect her body. I have told her in the past, that she should see a professional regarding this, as she seems to be looking for love and attention from the wrong source.

I we are trying our best with her, to advise her, and be here and support her. But we have a lot of catching up to do, as her mother was never a great mother at all, she always let Danica down,.

Even this evening, hubby and i went shopping, and i told her, i do not want any boys here when we get back. As soon as i got throught the front door, we could hear voices. She said straight away ‘ they only just got here, and they are only mates’. That is the worry, as they will soon turn into a sexual partners.

Thanks

[AngelRose]

Yeah, sure it is! I vent frequently. Both here and in my LJ... Think my friends-list is sick of it

Thanks

[Skykat]

Yeah, sure it is! I vent frequently. Both here and in my LJ... Think my friends-list is sick of it

Thanks

I agree with Merc, vent on here as much as you like chick. I'm too tired to be of much use to you right now but I'll try and download yahoo messenger on this computer so I can chat to you either tomorrow or Friday and if not I'll send you an email. Chin up and lots of *HUGS*

[~Lynd~]

I've been watching this thread for a while trying to work up the courage to post here. I don't know if there's any advice I can be given but it'll feel better to talk about it.

I have cerebral palsy, which means I use an electric wheelchair & need help with things like bathing, using the toilet and dressing. However, I have a degree, hold down a part-time, paid job at my local museum. My parents are Irish but I was born in London & consider myself English.

The 'problem' is that now my parents are thinking of retiring back to Ireland and want/need me to go with them. They & I know that, some day they won't be able to pyhsically look after me (or be around), forever, but they want me to have relatives around in the future. It's not that I don't love my family, but their job is to be my family not just my Personal Assistants. I could have PA's & all the other things I need in Ireland to.

Knowing that H&A airs over there is one of the reasons I got back into it & joined here. I've been trying to assess the parts of my life that I could 'pack in my suitcase' should I chose to and take with me. H&A & the net are just 2 of those constants.

Part of me wants to stay in London because it's the city I know and love and partly because the ONLY reason this is a problem is because of my wheelchair, I hate my chair for that! I'm 33, single (never had a boyfriend), and if I was 'disability free', I can't know for sure but it's likely I'd be married and maybe have kids now.

Life in Ireland might be good, I might get a job, somewhere to live independantly, & TRUELY I haven't made up my mind or my heart, but I HATE the fact that is a choice I have to make because my life has left me no choice!

I also HATE the fact that this is no-one's fault and I have no-one to blame, no-one to fairly be angry at but I'm trying SO HARD not to vent in unfair ways to blameless people; sadly for you, that means I might need to vent here now and then instead.

Thanks for reading.

I'm in a wheelchair to but for a different reason,I have Spina Bifida.I can only suggest you do what makes you happy,your parentas mean well but at the end of the day it's your decision and your capable of making it.I'd be a millionaire if i had a dollar for every person who's tried to run my life becourse they think i'm stupid.Only recently i had a operation and the doctor said that if didn't go right i could go into a nursing home,which is something i'm totally against.I didn't have the op until we were 100% sure that wouldn't happen.It was his idea of trying to scare me into doing it but all it did was delay me decision in saying do it.I live alone and didn't want to run the risk of losing my independence,though i still have a million people thinking they know better then me though they don't live it .

Sorry if this isn't a option i don't know much about how things like this work in England,but in Australia people on low icomes,eg,pensions,including people with disabilities can get a house from department of housing for a very low rent,and you can get homecare in to do your cleaning and showering,again for a low price,or you can put an add in the paper advertising for a carer,and you pick them.

I'm sorry if i'm not making any sence,like i said i don't know much about how it works in the uk.I guess what i'm trying to say is if you don't want to go with your parents there are probably people around who get payed to help you with the things you need help with and you won't have to rely on your parents so much .

If you want to chat feel free to add me on msn,the aaddy is in my profile .

[MarMar]

Emmadolly:

I definitely see why you're worried about her. She's what - 16? Now, I won't go all "adult" and "pruneish" and say she shouldn't have sex, but having two sexual partners in the last 3 weeks is a lot. At least I think so. It's good that you talk to her about being careful and all that - is she on any birth control? And if she is, do you talk to her about the importance of using condoms even though she is?

I think it's a good idea for you to get her professional help with her feelings and how she behaves. I think girls should have sex with whom they want and how often they want it, but that doesn't mean this is ok in this situation, nor at her age. I can't be all judgmental, as I lost my virginity rather early, and had sex regularly, but (no ofence here), I have been using double protection from the start (the pill and condoms), because I'm scared of getting pregnant. I see your worry about her sexual partners, as you don't know if they're "clean" or not - right?

Good luck!