Support Group

[Skykat]

Hmm sounds like your low self esteem talking again. If you keep thinking that nobody wants to spend time with you people will start thinking that too. Its really wierd but if you're feeling under confident and negative it brushes off on those around you and people generally don't want to feel like that so will start keeping their distance. I'm not getting at you Mar, I'm symphathising because I'm the queen at doing it. A few tips my counsellor told me was to start doing things that don't involve other people. I started going the gym for example and took up kick boxing, not because I particulary wanted to or enjoyed it but because it was something I could do on my own without relying on others. Now whenever I go to a class theres a group of people I talk to, we go for drinks afterwards and more importantly it occupies two evenings of my week. Aside from that I actually found I enjoy it and its quite liberating when your friends ring you and you're able to say, 'no sorry I'm busy, how about tomorrow?' for a start you come off less clingy and that wierdly makes them want to spend time with you. It does for me anyway. If the gyms not your thing what about joining a class or club of some sort? Another tip my counsellor told me is to limit time with your friends to say once or twice a week. Either you have a set night where you always go out/do something with them or you make sure each week you both put aside a night when you're going to do something. Then on that night you have to actually do something, go the cinema, go for a meal, go the pub, even sit in with a bottle of wine. If you get into a routine with something like that then its always there, its something to look forward to during the week. Another thing she suggested was when you phone a friend to ask if they want to do something ask what they're up to and if they're free you suggest something to do rather than saying do you want to do something, its strange but people are more likely to agree to something specific. If they're busy turn it round and say for example you really fancied seeing this new film, fancy coming to see it with me when you're free? If you give something specific but also give them some choice and more importantly you don't come across as sounding desperate. Which in turn makes them more likely to want to spend time with you.

Don't know if any of that is helpful at all, I still get days when I feel just like you do, especially since my sister moved out (she was kind of my fallback friend) but now if I feel like that I'll go the gym or do something to occupy myself and even though I'm spending time alone, I still feel like I have a life. If that makes any sense?

[Marieh]

So my dad has some snoring problems which he've had as long as I can remember. So then after two operations (last one in summer 2004) and he still continued the snoring we got him an appointment at the hospital. So we waited and waited and then some months ago we finally got one.

So yeseterday he went to the hospital for the night so they could listen and controll his breathing.

He called us today and told us that it was acually very serious and that he stopped breathing so much that he lost 40% of his oxygen in one night. So he got a new appointment in Tromsø because it was that serious and because from now on (in 2007) he must have this machine that gives him oxygen at night.

They also think that they heard some kind of noice in his heart and since he's mum died of heart failure I'm really afraid about what's going to happen.

My sister and my mum took the news pretty good - well atleast I think so, but I can't help not crying. I'm really tired and all I want to do is cry, and I can feel the tears coming, but I just can't cry because they're not worried. Is it wrong by me feeling werid about the situation? It is affecting his brain and heart everytime he sleeps..

[Skykat]

I don't think its wierd at all. Everyone deals with things so differently. I remember when my Mum was diagnosed with her brain tumour, on the outside everyone semed to cope okay, even me but on the inside I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying, everytime I got drunk or spoke to a close friend I lost it and I used to think I was being stupid because my sister wasn't crying. One day I asked her about it and she confided that she just couldn't get her head round it because shes a childrens nurse and the children on her ward appear far sicker than mum. My other sister also seemed to take it really well until I picked her up after her GCSE Physics exam and found her punching walls because the exam had contained a question about the effects of radiation on a brain tumour. My Dad too seemed to be carrying on as normal, going the pub, drinking, it was only looking back now that I realise he was actually drinking far too much. What I'm saying is that everyone deals with things in different ways and even though your family don't appear to be worried they will be. You'll probably find they'll get upset about it at some point but for now they've either not registered things or are putting on a brave face. I think it is pretty important to put on a brave face for your Dad's sake but if you feel the need to cry you certainly shouldn't be afraid to do so. You have as much right to cry and be worried as anyone else and bottling things up is only putting off the inevitable.

[Eli]

So my dad has some snoring problems which he've had as long as I can remember. So then after two operations (last one in summer 2004) and he still continued the snoring we got him an appointment at the hospital. So we waited and waited and then some months ago we finally got one.

So yeseterday he went to the hospital for the night so they could listen and controll his breathing.

He called us today and told us that it was acually very serious and that he stopped breathing so much that he lost 40% of his oxygen in one night. So he got a new appointment in Tromsø because it was that serious and because from now on (in 2007) he must have this machine that gives him oxygen at night.

They also think that they heard some kind of noice in his heart and since he's mum died of heart failure I'm really afraid about what's going to happen.

My sister and my mum took the news pretty good - well atleast I think so, but I can't help not crying. I'm really tired and all I want to do is cry, and I can feel the tears coming, but I just can't cry because they're not worried. Is it wrong by me feeling werid about the situation? It is affecting his brain and heart everytime he sleeps..

My dad had heart surgery a few years ago (I don't remember much of it) and there are a lot of heart problems in my family (I had heart surgery when I was three) so I know how you feel.

I don't remember which TV show it was, but I heard someone say that "the person who says that what you don't know doesn't hurt you, (Det du ikke vet har du ikke vondt av, litt dårlig oversettelse bare) doesn't know what he's talking about"

I agree with this, not knowing what might happen is the worst thing, because if you know then at least you know what to prepare for. I don't think your reaction is weird at all, to me it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

And by the way, when I read your post I got a feeling I had heard about something similar earlier. I think God Morgen Norge (for non-Norwegians, it's kind of a morning talkshow) had a thing about it a few months ago (not that long ago at all, probably less than two months). It was basically about a lot of Norwegians having problems with their sleep because of not getting enough oxygen. I don't know if that helped you, but I just thought I'd let you know in case they have some background information about it on their website.

[Di]

So yeseterday he went to the hospital for the night so they could listen and controll his breathing.

He called us today and told us that it was acually very serious and that he stopped breathing so much that he lost 40% of his oxygen in one night. So he got a new appointment in Tromsø because it was that serious and because from now on (in 2007) he must have this machine that gives him oxygen at night.

Your dad had a overnight sleep study done didn't he? Does your dad have Obstuctive Sleep apnoea Tom has had a degree of sleep apnoea since he was born. Due to him having DMD, he stops breathing for between 9 to 15 seconds. He has tests every 6 to 12 months. He will eventually go on a CPAP machine,its keeps open your airway. its a very tight mask that is placed on your nose, positve pressure been pushed via a machine through the mask. It does take a while to get used to but. Your dad will feel very much better in himslef eventually.

Hope all goes well. x x x

[Jess]

My best friend is a ballerina and she's danced for as long as I can remember. She's never been fat, but never stick thin either; just a kind of healthy in-between weight. About 6 months ago, however, she started exercising more and eating more healthily. No-one thought it was anything serious, afterall, I think most teenage girls could do with losing a bit of weight whilst still staying in the healthy weight range. Anyway, at our Prom she looked amazing and everyone told her so; she was the perfect weight. But, this weight loss seems to have continued. She dances every night of the week, but barely eats anything. She'll have a small bowl of dry cereal at mid-morning and then barely touch her packed lunch. Her favourite habit is to leave it on the windowsill to make it look like she's "forgotten" to eat it. She's dropped to seven stone. She's fairly petite, and she wears size 8 trousers, which I'd say were at least a size too big, possibly two. I think she must be a 4/6. But she looks way too skinny. Her suit jacket (which was bought two months ago) is huge on her. You can see all her bones in her shoulders and torso and her hands and face are really "scrawny" looking. So, as you can imagine, my friends and I have been very worried about her for a while, but we didn't want to say anything to her incase it just made her close up even more. We went to the Head of Sixth Form yesterday and she 'phoned her mother. My friend told me what the teacher said to her mother this morning (she didn't realise that I had been one of the people who had gone to the teacher in the first place) and she said that what the teacher said had made her Mum really upset. She said this was because her Mum realised it was true, and then, after a bit of prompting from me, she admitted to me that she thinks she has anorexia, but she's 'afraid to eat'. I can sort of understand this, because there is a lot of pressure on ballerinas to be super-skinny, but I'm so worried about her - she's my best friend and I feel totally helpless.

[MarMar]

I won't write too much as a reply to this, as I know there are people here who can help way more than I can ever dream of.

She has admitted that she is afraid to eat? Why? Because she's afraid she'll gain weight? Then I think you're already on the right path for her to get better. Getting help and getting better is a lot easier if you realize yourself that you have a problem.

As for being her friend and worrying about her - I totally get that, however, I think there's only so much you can do other than being there for her, be her shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to etc.

[Jess]

Merc: You're just as "qualified" as anyone on here to give advice. Yeah, I don't think she wants to gain weight, possibly for two reasons. a) She's a ballerina - there's a lot of pressure to be skinny, and b) She's never been that popular in the class, and I think that she thinks being skinny is a way to increase her popularity.

ETA: She's been told that she's got to go and eat her lunch in the staff room after Christmas, so that the teachers can monitor what she's eating. And, yeah, I know, I just hate not being able to prove to her that skinniness doesn't necessarily equal happiness.

[MarMar]

Oooh... I really don't think that's the right approach. What's important now is to get her help. Find out what's the underlying cause for this problem. Without help from a professional, monitoring her eating habits will not change her mindset, I think.

You say she's not been very popular - has losing weight made her more popular?

I danced ballet, too, for 12 years. There were never any pressure on us, but it might be different in England? I've gone to other cities alone from when I was 12 to dance during summer holidays and stuff and never did I see anorexic girls (or boys, for that matter). You said she suddenly started losing weight, after dancing for a long time. Maybe something happened? Some snide remark?

[Jess]

Oooh... I really don't think that's the right approach. What's important now is to get her help. Find out what's the underlying cause for this problem. Without help from a professional, monitoring her eating habits will not change her mindset, I think.

You say she's not been very popular - has losing weight made her more popular?

I danced ballet, too, for 12 years. There were never any pressure on us, but it might be different in England? I've gone to other cities alone from when I was 12 to dance during summer holidays and stuff and never did I see anorexic girls (or boys, for that matter). You said she suddenly started losing weight, after dancing for a long time. Maybe something happened? Some snide remark?

My school have never been renowned for their sensitive approach to problems... I think they're doing it to placate her mother, more than anything else.

Her weight loss has given her more attention, but not really increased her popularity. I don't think it was her primary attention to gain more attention, but I think she sees the two as the same.

I don't really know if it's the same throughout England, but I know that her dance teacher has banned them from all chocolate, and she won't drink sparkling mineral water (or sparkling anything, for that matter) because it "bloats her up". This never bothered her before, and she doesn't really have anything to "bloat up".

No-one at school ever made snide remarks because, by normal standards, she was never "fat". But maybe she was for a ballerina - I don't know? I remember there was a time when some of the "popular" girls at school started going to the gym. But, she has her own gym at home, so she started using that more. That's the only possible "trigger" I can think of.