Support Group

[MarMar]

I can definitely see the problem with feeling bombarded by texts... Not sure what to advice you

[Jess]

There's no way for you to be with her over the holiday?

Nope. I'm away for 99% of the time - much to my annoyance. So that's three weeks when I'm not gonna be with her, it's gonna be so hard!

Yes, it makes sence,her exaggerating it to somehow make sence of what she's doing to herself.

Saying such things as ''don't eat any chocolate,it'll make you fat'',is the type of comment that would start a disorder in extremely sensitive people,IMO.Surely the teacher would know that...

Yeah...exaggerating to justify her actions to others. I know, I guess it's easy for us to say that because we know you shouldn't say that to people like my friend, but there is a huge pressure on ballerinas to be skinny, whether we like it or not.

[Eli]

I agree with what almost everyone else has said, monitoring her eating is not gonna help. I'm no expert, but I know that because you "fight" with yourself and force yourself not to eat you become "tougher" eventually, and when you have "control" of your eating then you will do pretty much everything to keep it. Checking what she's eating in the lunch break is not gonna help, because there are many ways for anorectics to "saty in control of their eating" than just not eating, and eventually she will discover them.

As I said I'm not an expert about this, I just know a little from own experiences and research on the subjects for exam papers.

[Jess]

Teachers are human too and its quite possible that the teacher has her own weight issues and so passes them onto her students...

She is wrong in this though and it should be pointed out to her.

Jeh-jeh I'd be tempted to try and spend time with her even if its only a day or two a week if thats possible while you're off school. I can understand you not wanting to bombard her but a few texts like you normally would won't hurt. other than that you just have to trust that her parents stay on top of things, possibly you could keep in touch with them? I'm not sure

It's not really possible, and I feel awful about it, because if anything was to happen to her, I'd feel responsible. My other friends have said they'll keep an eye on her, but still, the situation isn't ideal...

Yeah, I'll text her, to tell her what I'm up to, etc, to see if I can get her to open up and just to keep the line of communication there while I'm away.

I can definitely see the problem with feeling bombarded by texts... Not sure what to advice you

I know, it's so hard.

I agree with what almost everyone else has said, monitoring her eating is not gonna help. I'm no expert, but I know that because you "fight" with yourself and force yourself not to eat you become "tougher" eventually, and when you have "control" of your eating then you will do pretty much everything to keep it. Checking what she's eating in the lunch break is not gonna help, because there are many ways for anorectics to "saty in control of their eating" than just not eating, and eventually she will discover them.

As I said I'm not an expert about this, I just know a little from own experiences and research on the subjects for exam papers.

Yeah...I think the advice was a "knee-jerk" reaction, not very well thought through, IMHO.

[Eli]

Your post reminded me of a chapter in the book "Walk". It's a Christian (I'm not Christian it was a gift, but it has some good points) book with singers and bands writing about their experiences from life.

Stacie Orrico has a chapter about this (it's not the original words, because I only have the Norwegian version of the book and had to translate):

"Sonya and I have been best friends since fourth grade. Since that we have been almost impossible to separate, we've hung out at each other's houses, developed our own sense of humor and had many good laughs together.

We knew each other better than anyone else, or at least that's what I used to think.

But then, when we were 14, I learned that Sonya had anorexia, an eating disorder.

As she was losing weight she also suffered a lot psycologically.

I didn't know what to do, other than keep being her friend, love her and encourage her.

I even wrote her a song, called "Dear Friend" in which I tell her that

"I feel so helpless

I see you sit in silence

As you face new pain each day

I feel there’s nothing I can do

I know you don’t feel pretty

Even though you are"

And it's true, Sonya is a beautiful girl who's never been overweight at all.

...

I've tried showing her how precious she is by just being with her.

Just that someone would share a meal with her, laugh and chat and don't just focus on the sanwich she had to eat for lunch, was sometimes all Sonya needed.

She just needed a friend willing to listen and encourage when she was going through a tough period.

..."

[Marieh]

So yeseterday he went to the hospital for the night so they could listen and controll his breathing.

He called us today and told us that it was acually very serious and that he stopped breathing so much that he lost 40% of his oxygen in one night. So he got a new appointment in Tromsø because it was that serious and because from now on (in 2007) he must have this machine that gives him oxygen at night.

Your dad had a overnight sleep study done didn't he? Does your dad have Obstuctive Sleep apnoea Tom has had a degree of sleep apnoea since he was born. Due to him having DMD, he stops breathing for between 9 to 15 seconds. He has tests every 6 to 12 months. He will eventually go on a CPAP machine,its keeps open your airway. its a very tight mask that is placed on your nose, positve pressure been pushed via a machine through the mask. It does take a while to get used to but. Your dad will feel very much better in himslef eventually.

Hope all goes well. x x x

I don't know what it's called on english, but it could be something like Sleep apnoea ( on norwegian = søvnapnè). He will get a CRAP machin around January because it's really bad, and he'll have to go to a doctor and find out if there's anything wrong with his heart. The doctor said it was serious, but I find it hard to believe that they didn'y take these teste before the operations - because they didn't work. They even ruined a bone in his nose to try and fix it.

I'm trying to but a brave face on, but it's hard when I can see he's acually worried about it when he talks about the whole thing and what the doctor said, but he's trying to be this big strong man as he always is *or tries todo*. I've read this information form about it and it dosen't look that bad, a bit scary but other then that it looks fine. And it helps, and that's all I want.

[-Tess-]

I get panic attacks, and I just think of good things, sit up straight (whic clears your windpipes), and try to calm down. But I agree, sometimes it is very hard, and scary, but just try to breathe through it.

As for your fear of people, all I can say is, just think that it will be over in a few hours, and try to enjoy getting outside.

[Pierced Musie]

I've only just got over my fear of people and the outside world. It took almost 4 years to beat but I did it.

I was talking to SkyKat on MSN last night and we both agree that the rush of overcoming a fear is the best drug in the world.

You will do it. And once you get into that world no one will be able to stop you

[Skykat]

I don't know much about panic attacks but as Musie said I really believe that there's no better feeling than overcoming a fear. Doing something you're scared of is such a huge adreneline rush. When I'm about to do something I'm scared of I tend to walk myself mentally through what's going to happen. So for me Skydiving I'd imagine myself getting in the door, I'd imagine what the slips stream feels like on my face, I'd imagine jumping off, I'd imagine getting stable then I'd imagine each manouver I have to do. Suddenly when you can see yourself doing it in your head it becomes instinct to actually do it and its a lot less scary because as far as your mind is concerned its already happened. Overcoming fear is a mental, not a physical thing and like I say I don't know much about panic attacks but I think if you keep telling your head that you can do something and really believe you can do it then you'll be amazed with what your body can actually do.

[Skykat]

I can see where you coming from and like I said earlier I know nothing about panic attacks but I think if we were to let fear of things we can't control dictate our lives then what is the point of having a life at all? My life was governed by an eating disorder for far too long, worry about what people thought of me controlled everything I did. I think now that I'm more the other way, I deliberately do stuff that's dangerous because there's nothing in life that you can control so why let anything govern what I can or can't do? Plus the rush I get when my parachute opens, or when I'm in the little Cessna or on the motorway on the bike makes me feel good about myself because I know if I have the guts to do the stuff that scares me then I can't be too bad a person and that makes me feel good about myself.