Support Group

[~Rosey~]

I was just wondering if anyone could help me. i'm really upset right now. I hate my life.

I'll explain...but you dont have to read.

Every few minutes, my parents will call me to see where I am, who i'm with and stuf like that.

I'm not allwoed out anywere by myself, unless i'm with more then 3 responeabile (sp) friends.

I get whacked by my brother alot and I have so many brusies on my back and stomach

I'm only 13 and i'm having a horrible life. Hears to hope next year will be better.

[Jess]

Rosey: You're 13, right? When I was that age (I'm now 16), my parents were exactly the same - constantly keeping check on me, to see who I was with, what I was doing, etc. Okay, so I have a mild disability, so that probably doesn't help matters, but still, I think that sort of protectiveness comes with the age. The best way to get your parents to loosen up on you is to prove to your parents that you can be trusted; not complaining (too much) when they check up on you, it'll make them think that you have something to hide and therefore come down harder on you, and just generally do what they ask of you. Then they'll see you for the mature person that you are. If they don't loosen up on you then I think that you just have to accept that it's just an age thing. Personally, I'd prefer to have parents that paid an interest in me, than no interest at all.

I do have to agree with your parents on the next point. I'm not a parent, but I wouldn't want my 13 year old daughter going out with only one friend. I don't wanna sound totally patronising, and I know it's probably not much consolation to you, but it is a safety thing, rather than them trying to be a pain.

Getting whacked by your brother, however, is not acceptable; especially if he's causing bruising. You need to speak to your parents about it.

I'm sure '07 will improve for you, Rosey, and I hope I haven't sounded too harsh in this post. That really wasn't my intention.

xxx

[Skykat]

Jeh Jeh, I think you're spot on. When I was your age Rosey, my Dad used to make my Mum phone my friends parents up and speak with them before I was allowed to sleep over at their houses. I was never even allowed out with my friends, let alone with just one at a time and I wasn't allowed out of the front garden gate unaccompanied. I can't remember when it happened but gradually my parents started to ase up and when I was fifteen I got a job and handed my first pay check to my Dad. I knew he wouldn't take it but I wanted to suck up a bit. He went on and on about how mature I was so I took advantage and asked if I could start going clubbing and he agreed. There were tonnes of rules at first but I stuck to them even though they annoyed me and after a few times the rules loosened off because my parents came to trust me.

I think Jeh Jeh's right you have to stick to what your parents say for now, try and understand where they're coming from and as they realise they can trust you they'll loosen up. I know it seems like the end of the world now that they're being so over-protective but Jeh-jeh's right, rather that than that they didn't care.

You need to show your parents the bruises from your brother though, that's totally unacceptable.

[Guevara01]

I get whacked by my brother alot and I have so many brusies on my back and stomach

I used to get that too. At first i told my parents and they didn't believe me. I think my brother just used to think it was a game, but i was in tears a lot of the time, and i'd do anything to stay with my parents ... where they could see what was going on.

Anyway i persisted in telling them, and they believed me after a while. After that they arranged for my brother to go and see a child psychologist about his behaviour and the way he acted towards me. The whole family had to go and it was really weird at first, because i had to be in the room whilst the lady explained to him that what he was doing was hurting me, it wasn't just a game. It took a few sessions (this was when we were both much younger) and it didn't happen again.

So, my advice would be to just tell your parents, show them the bruises and make them listen. It may take a while - after all, most parents, including mine at first may think it's just an overreaction to a rough game, but they'll soon understand.

Hope it all works out for you xxx

[~Amy~]

Rosie; if he is doing it constantly then I'd definitly speak up.

Right I'm going to rant!

A while ago I used to be friends with a girl but well she became "popular" and we didn't speak much. After a while she became sorta like the leader of her little group and they made it their mission to be evil to me. At that time it was just verbal insults and the like. In september when we came back to school I was suprised when she started talking to me and thought maybe we were going to be friends again. It turns out some of her so-called friends wanted nothing to do with her, so rather than be an absolute Billy no mates I started acting as a friend towards her. Recently her old "friends" have come crawling back so she went back to being a b*tch (excuse the language). She became even nastier than she was before. She always had her friends with her which made me think twice about saying something to her. So for quite a while now she has been treating me horribly and its gotten worse as each day passes, my books where all scribbled on chewing gum in my bag etc. Last friday I told her where to go and I wish I hadn't. It all back-fired so to speak. Last night when I went to the shops I bumped into her and still feeling confident I didn't back down when she called my names. Then out came her friends... and well, I've now got a black eye amonst other things! My Mum kept me home from school today but I don't want to tomorrow. Aside from the fact I'll have loads of school work to catch up on, the longer I leave it the harder it'll be. Its getting me quite down...

[claire_louise]

I've only just got over my fear of people and the outside world. It took almost 4 years to beat but I did it.

I was talking to SkyKat on MSN last night and we both agree that the rush of overcoming a fear is the best drug in the world.

You will do it. And once you get into that world no one will be able to stop you

Jess, do you mind me asking, how did you overcome it? Did you have therapy? I'm having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but sometimes feel like I'm not getting anywhere.

I can't offer much advice as I'm in a similar position, but I hope you know that you're not alone. It helped me a lot to realise how common panic attacks actually are.

[claire_louise]

I know how you feel. I've been pretty bad for the past 5 or 6 years, and before that I had mild social phobia since I was 11, so sometimes it's hard to remember what it's like to feel 'normal'. Something you might want to consider is having therapy over the phone - I was in the same situation, feeling nervous about going out to see the counsellor, plus it wasn't practical for me to get to, so my therapist suggested we do it over the phone.

[Pierced Musie]

A lot of things contributed to my help. Leading up to the big moments of overcoming the fear, I would have dreams of being murdered and being buried alive, which actually mean time for a change.

I psych myself up every time I have to go on the bus and make sure I have everything I need before I go out. There are days I can not cope but now I managed to get through that feeling.

I saw 2 therapists in my time and they did not held one bit. It just wasn't my thing at all.

I also feel that Shane & Casey have helped a lot. The little voices of reasurance, the feeling of a hand on my shoulder to sooth me, are welcomed so much.

[MarMar]

I know all about not remembering to be "normal" - I've always been depressed and started talking about/thinking about committing suicide when I was 8.

I'm like Muse, too, I have to psych myself up every time I leave the house, go to catch a bus or anything of the sort. I still attend uni, but have been thinking about dropping out because I'm having such trouble getting there. I don't work anymore due to a very serious breakdown where I cut and hurt myself and wanted to end it all. My life is inside this house, inside this computer. I have "friends" saying that they're there, just waiting for me "to get better", but I think friends ought to help me get better, not just let me wander about in the dark doing nothing while I crash against the walls?

I don't really have any advice to offer, because if I did, I wouldn't be like this. The only thing I can say is that I'm thinking about you, and it hurts me that you hurt.

[Reo]

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