Support Group

[Jess]

It gave such a big insight. But, then at the end when they gave updates on how the people were doing, I felt so sad. But, it was a truly inspiring piece of television.

[MarMar]

I can't find a capture of the documentary anywhere

I found the first part - has the second been aired? If not, when?

[MarMar]

Ugh, I had a panic attack last night. Convinced there were someone outside the windows, inside the closet and under the bed. Don't think I've ever been that paranoid before.

[claire_louise]

Mar, I hope you're feeling better today. I know how much it sucks to panic that much, but if it happens again just try to ride it out as if it was a physical illness (that's what my therapist tells me, although I know it's easier to say than to do!). And try to count while you're breathing - it helps to focus your mind on something else.

By the way, the agoraphobics programme was on tuesday and wednesday nights on Channel 4 at 10pm. Jess, I know what you mean about being scared to watch. I felt really uncomfortable during the first part and had to remind myself that it was them doing the scary stuff, not me! But it was definitely worth watching.

Anyway, my real reason for posting is that I'm having a really bad day. My IBS is really bad and it's my birthday tomorrow. I'm usually so excited about my birthday and Christmas but this year I'm dreading it. I just don't know how I'm going to get through it without being miserable and ruining it for everyone.

[Cal]

^ Don't worry about your IBS, that's the worst thing you can do. Worrying and stressing actually makes it worse. Try and be calm and think about the positive things, I know that sounds hard to do, as nothing is positive with IBS!

I'm scared about Christmas as well, because of what I can eat and cannot eat, I don't want to ruin everybody's night by being in pain! But I'm sure people around will understand if you're not up to a big Christmas celebration.. I know my parents don't expect me to be up-beat and cheery, but I'm trying my best. And if you don't feel like trying, then they'll understand.

I hope your IBS calms down before the day is over! And have a good Birthday and Christmas.

I hope I made sense in that.

[claire_louise]

Thanks Cal.

[MarMar]

Doing heaps better despite a break down last night where I said I just couldn't do this whole Christmas thing. I hate Christmas thanks for horrible experiences in my childhood, and even though I know my father's dead and cannot hurt me anymore, I don't really look forward to it.

[Eli]

I usually LOVE Christmas, but this year I have my doubts. I used to fight with my mom every day, but I have just given up, so instead I never tell her anything or answer at all when she annoys me, and trust me she does! It seems she goes totally crazy around Christmas, everything HAS to be perfect, and I'm so sick of it. I get that everyone has to help out, but it's so annoying when she asks me to do something, and then I haven't done it good enough! So to avoid any confrantations I just stay in my room all day, which eventually causes accusations of not helping out.

I just wanna open "How the Grinch stole Christmas" for her, and show her the page at the end where is says:

"He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming,

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling, 'how could it be so?'

'It came without ribbons! It came without tags!'

'It came withour packages, boxes or bags!'

...

'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store?

Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more?' "

My point is that she makes such a fuzz over everything, and that just makes me shut myself in, and then the evil circle goes from there. Of course I see the point in having a tidy and nice house for Christmas, but NOT SCRUBBING THE CEILING PROPERLY WILL NOT STOP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING!

I just have a feeling I won't be able to keep my mouth shut much longer, and then we will end up fighting on Christmas Eve again.

I actually am a fan of having lots of family members (we usually have) over for the celebrations, even though I don't like that either. But of course this year it's just me, my mom, my dad and my sister.

I don't feel like anyone in my family gets me at all, they are all so "perfect" and I have never pretended to be, so that results in them blaming me in front of other people like they want to make sure everyone is aware that it's not THEIR fault that I'm not perfect.

If people would just give up their pride every now and then and put in an effort to NOT say it when someone does something wrong.

I am not sure if that post made any sense at all, because I'm upset, and just typing really fast and angry, so sorry if it didn't make any sense.

[MarMar]

Christmas is all about spending time with your family and loved ones, they say, and it seems that more and more people think that's the important thing, not all the religion. I agree. It's fun spending time with family - even my little one. My mother is an only-child, my father is dead, and all I have left is T, my sister and her partner, my niece and my mother.

T's family's kinda huge, though, and we spent a few hours at his paternal grandmother's place yesterday - 4 uncles with wives/girlfriends + their children. A lot of noise, but good times was had!

What bothers me is how I seem to distance myself from everyone. I don't really have any to call my friend. I know people, yes, but none who's close to me, someone to spend time with. Except T. He's always there for me, but at the same time as he is my friend, he is my boyfriend, my partner and a shoulder to cry one. Of which there has been plenty lately.

Just as Christmas is a time for family and fun, for me it is a time to remember and trying to work through a lot of my problems.

I don't look forward to Christmas. I haven't in many years.

Christmas was a time of bickering, fights and most often crying when I was a kid. My parent's marriage was never well-functioning, at least not after I was born. I don't know how it was when it was just the three of them, my father, my mother and my sister, but from what I gather, things were better. I've always had the impression that my arrival messed everything up.

Every year was the same. Father would take care of the dinner and then get upset when it didn't work out like it should. The meat wasn't really done, the potatoes were too moshy, and the sauce wasn't all that nice. I don't why it was like this, but they say depression and bipolar disorder runs in families, and although I have blocked away most of my childhood, I think, maybe, just maybe, he had it, or something similar.

He was also violent. I remember him trying to strangle my mother. That's a lot for a 6 year old to witness. I don't remember much from my first years, but I remember that. I also remember not wanting to have other kids home with me to play. I was afraid of them embarrassing me in some way - arguing, for example. This led the other kids to not make any effort to make contact with me, and while they were having sleep-overs with their best friends, made cookies with each other's families, I was home. Alone. Already at the age of 6 I had shut my peers out, and I haven't been able to stop doing this. Whenever someone get "close" to me, I make it all go away. Often there will be a fight of some sort, but most of the time I just don't respond to text messages or other ways to keep in touch. This make people lose interest and leave me alone and friendless. I create these situations for myself, yet I am unable to do anything to break this cycle.

[flutterby]

You have already broken the cycle though Merc, you have this amazing relationship with Terje, you must have broken it at some point to allow him in. I don't pretend to understand how it feels to have that kind of childhood or to witness that kind of thing but I know how lonely it can get when you shut people out and the complete isolation you can feel. It sounds like you just need to try and make a concious descision to maybe reply to a few texts or phone someone, even if it's your sister to begin with...take baby steps and don't try to expect a huge group of best friends over night because that isn't possible. I still don't feel like I have a real best friend but I have aquaintances now who I don't mind talking to and a few fairly good friends who make a proper effort and that began by finally accepting one of those dreaded invitations and forcing myself to go out. Im sorry if it makes no sense or is rubbish advice