Support Group

[Di]

My foot is all bandaged up now and I can't really walk properly. Oh well, I'll live.

Hope you feeling, better soon Jess!

I suppose I need support in coming to terms with the main person in my life might have cancer.

Oh no! Penny! massive hugs to you and you mum, thinking of you loads.

I hate how this illness has made me into a selfish, lonely, insecure and bitter person, incapable of really reaching out for others and not really giving others my hand.

I'm glad your, trying to help yourself get better Mar! you got to take one step at a time hun. Itsnot your fault, mental health illness, Can make you a complete diffrent person. To whom you really are!!. Remember if you having a bad day, it dose not mean things are not getting better. Sometimes your moods etc... may get slighlty worse before they get better.(Esp with,talking abt painful issues in your councelling/Psychology

sessions.) <As you'll know I have had mental health issuses for yrs)

You'll have less and less dark times as you get better....

Take care Di x

[Jess]

Thanks, Di. It's a lot better now.

Hmm...I found out last night that my best friend self-harms. She has the lowest self-esteem that I've ever known in a person and just thinks that she isn't worth anyone's love or friendship. It's a long and complicated problem, but I just don't know what to do anymore. She's terrified that I'm just gonna walk away from her because she can't understand why I want to be friends with her. I keep reassuring her that I won't, but she lives so far away from me and I see her so rarely, it's so hard. She's on MSN a lot of the time, so knowing that she self-harms (bangs her head against the wall and hits herself) makes me think that she must do it when she's "online" and so now, if she sets her profile to "Away" (for whatever reason), I freak out because I hate her doing this to herself. She is genuinally the most amazing person I've ever met. And she just can't see that. I know she probably needs help, but she refuses. I just feel so scared. And useless.

[MarMar]

I can't say that I know how you feel, but I can imagine how your friend feels. I self-harm too (there! I said it!), and have a lot of the same feelings and convictions as her when it comes to friendship and thinking no one likes her.

Don't know what to say to help

[Jess]

Merc, you said it, , it took me a long time to get her to open up...

If you don't mind me asking (don't feel like you have to tell me if you don't wanna {and I know that not everyone reacts the same}), but what would you want your best friend to do? Is there anything you'd prefer they did? Any way to make you feel better, or anything to avoid? I just don't wanna say the wrong thing to her, but I don't wanna say nothing and think she's scared me and pushed me away. Because, as I say, she is the most awesome person I know and I'd do anything for her.

[MarMar]

I can't really relate because I have virtually no friends.

What she needs, as I see it, is reassurance that you'll be there for her - which you already give her. Compliment her on the things she does well, and maybe, after a while ask why she self-harm and try to focus on the reason she does it and what she can do to change it.

I'm sorry I can't help more.

[Jess]

Thanks. I dunno, it reassured me that at least I'm not making the situation worse, at least.

I really hope things improve for you, too.

[MarMar]

Thank you.

I haven't been all that bad lately, but the last 24 hours... well, I'm starting to slip.

I ordered a bottle of 5-HTP some time ago, and it arrived today. Anyone have any experience with the supplement?

[aejdude]

Rosey didn't want to post this herself so she asked me to post it for her.

She said:

i'm dumb. i'm stupid (same thing)

i'm fat. not to mention ugly

well apart from the fact i just vomited. i'm sick of my life. i just want to die. Be over with.

i'm sick of this little piece of crap called life. i get bullied at school and and my parents might be getting a divorce.

Can anyone give any advice to her?

I have already that she isn't these things and she has to focus on the positives, and ignore the negatives (however many).

[Jess]

It doesn't seem that I'm too good at giving esteem-raising advice right now, so I really don't know what to say, Rosey. Sorry.

It seems that my supposed paranoia (I think that's what my other friend thought it was, anyway) about my friend's self-harming (as mentioned above) was true. It seems we had a big discussion about self-harming; she was asking if it was right and I was saying that it doesn't solve problems in the long term, but that I wouldn't dream of judging or condemning her for it, then she set her MSN Messenger to "Be right back". I was freaking out that she might be self-harming, to "punish" herself for telling me. When she finally came back, I didn't really ask where she'd been, in case it was something totally innocent and I was just reading too much into the situation again. Last night, however, she was complaining that her arm was dead and that it was hurting and how she "shouldn't have done it [the self-harm]" the night before. It makes me so unbelievably sad, because I don't know what I can do anymore. I know she needs help, but I can't implement anything because she lives too far away from me and if I told anyone I know she'd just cut me out of her life without getting help and become a total recluse. And that would truly break my heart.

[flutterby]

It's such a difficult situation Jess, you're right in the middle of it but so far away at the same time. My best friend used to self harm - I didn't know her then but I asked what she thought you should do. She said the only thing you really can do is be a friend and it sounds to me like you already are being, my friend said she stopped because she realised people loved her and the reason she did it in the first place was because people loved her, she didn't feel like she deserved it and felt out of control...in order to gain some control she harmed herself and it released tension and gave her some kind of satisfaction. It's incredibly difficult because of the distance, if you lived close you could be more present and go round etc, the only advice I can give you is to be there for her as much as possible. Sorry I can't give anymore help, of course you can pray and I will too if you want.

Rosey I'm sure you aren't stupid and you aren't ugly, me telling you this isn't going to make a difference I know because when I felt like that the more people told me stuff like that the angrier I got but just try to accept yourself.