Support Group

[Jess]

They sound exactly the same, Katie. I try to reassure her that'll I'll always be there for her and that I'll never give up on her, but she doesn't feel like she's worth it. She doesn't want people to see the real her because she doesn't think she's good enough, and so when I tell her how amazing she is, not only does she not believe me because her self-esteem is so low, but she also says that no-one has ever seen the real her and no-one knows what she's really like or capable of. This then makes me feel bad because then I wonder if our entire friendship is based on a lie, then I remember how selfish that makes me sound because she really is going through a hell of a lot of pain. She says she told her Mum that she hurt her arm playing netball, but she's worried that she'll find out the truth. I, personally, hope that she does because there's not a lot I can do from here; her Mum's the only person who can implement things to help her to get better. I think it is a lot to do with control. She never feels like she can do anything well enough to please her parents (her brother is a total genius) so I guess she feels that this is one thing that she has power over.

I would really appreciate it if you could pray for both of us. That's the other problem right now. She's always had such a strong Christian faith (that's how I met her) but now she feels like she's offending God by wanting to hurt herself, and so that makes her feel more guilty and then the whole vicious circle starts all over again.

The distance is definately the hardest bit. If we lived closer and went to school together, etc, then I could be with her a lot more, to keep her company, and maybe get her to go and see a counsellor about it. As it is, I don't really know how her school works and I hardly ever see her.

Thanks for your advice and support.

[flutterby]

I don't know how you make someone feel loved if they don't love themself and don't believe themselves to be lovable, just keep doing what you're doing and trust in God, you seem to be such a supportive friend and I don't think your friendship is based on a lie at all...she's just hurting and trying to push people away because she doesn't want them to be dissapointed with who she is. Glad I could help a little get someone to give you a hug from me! xx

[Jess]

Me neither. I'm just doing what I can - speaking to her a lot, making sure she's okay and texting her. I just hope that's enough and she doesn't do anything stupid.

Thanks, Katie. *returns the hug and offers cookies*

[flutterby]

That's all you can do Jess...*grabs cookies and gobbles up*

[MarMar]

I'm sorry to bother you again, I just feel really lousy.

It feels like nothing I do is right, I always end up hurting or offend somebody.

[Jess]

Merc, I totally don't know what to say. I'm on the other side, so to speak, because my friend is exactly like that and I find it so hard. You can do things right, I'm sure, you just need to believe it; which I know is the hard bit.

I'm sorry I can't be more help.

[MarMar]

There are things I don't want to think about. Not all of them are all that serious, but they still cause me a lot of worry.

I skipped the lecture on Thursday, and got a text from one of the girls I "hang with" at uni, asking why I wasn't there. I don't like missing lectures.

So, why wasn't I there? I had the most dreadful morning. I had a feeling that the day would go badly. I was so down I couldn't even make myself breakfast or get dressed. I decided to skip lecture and take care of myself instead.

I didn't text her back. I simply didn't know what to say. I don't like lying.

"No one" knows about what I'm going through - at least not anyone I know of.

Two of these girls are frequent guests at Molla - one of them taught us how to operate the espresso machine, the other has been a VIC for years. Neither have asked why I'm not there anymore. I don't know if they've asked S. or anyone else for that matter. I wouldn't know what to say if they ever asked me what happened during my last day there.

I guess all three of them know. I guess they've been told by someone, but I can't even bring myself to think about it.

[Eli]

I feel so silly bringing up my stupid drama-problems when I know there are people here with much bigger worries than me... But I'm really hoping to get some opinions on this. As I have said in my previous posts some time ago we used to be three girls who were best friends. One of us slowly drifted away from us, but I still love her, because she's still nice to me and we have fun when we hang out. The last six months there have only been me and the other girl, and we have gotten along okay. But she has changed a lot (I'll get back to how) and now I'm in a dilemma. I have known her for almost four years, and we have been best friends for a long time, but now I'm concidering cutting her out. I don't mean like ignoring her and be a total backstabber, I mean cutting her out as gently as possibly. On one hand I hear the voice in my head telling me I have self-respect for choosing my friends, but I also feel kind of mean for even thinking it.

So how has she changed? Well, in a lot of ways. She doesn't like my other friends, she thinks she's better than other people and more... But everything she does that I don't like really falls in to one category in my opinion: she won't let me be who I am.

It's not like she's mean and says hurtful things, but in many ways she has started to make me feel bad for being myself.

Just to mention one of the silliest, stupidest things let's take TV and music. It's not like we have to like all the same things, but if I say my favourite One Tree Hill character is Peyton or say I love a song like "Jamie's cryin' " by Van Halen I'm accused of being too "dark side and negative."

Then there's the fact that she can't accept that I have friends she doesn't like.

But most of all it comes to making me feel bad about beating her at stuff. I don't mean to brag at all but I have never had to study very hard or read a lot to do well in school and get good grades. Her grades has always been okay, and she have studied very hard while I have gotten straight A's and B's without that much studying (garhhh, I feel like I'm trying to brag or something, I'm not trying to, promise!).

Now lately I haven't had any motivation at all, and I haven't worked very well in school, while she has kept working hard. She has gotten several grades better than me, but I'm still beating her in some subjects.

This has caused a very annoying effect. Every time I get a grade better than here she will complain loudly about how I "beat her in everything even of she works harder".

Trust me, this is not flattering at all, it makes me feel guilty because I get a feeling me beating her makes her feel bad about herself. I can understand that it is frustrating, but I don't think that's an excuse for making me feel guilty for getting good grades.

The most annoying part about it is that she brings it up constantly, even when she beats me, she will say things like "Well, finally! This is like the second time this year I beat you even though I work so hard, and you do nothing at all!" (AND IT HAS BEEN MORE THAN TWICE!!!)

It has come to the point where I actually feel a bit relieved when I get worse grades than her.

Today we got an important biology report back, and I got a 3- (I think it equals a C- or a D)

while she got a 4 (C+?) and instead of thinking "Oh my god, this is the worst grade I have ever gotten!" my first though was "I think she got a better grade than me this time!!"

I don't know if I'm right, but I don't think it should be like this!

As I said she doesn't like any of my other firends, and there's something wrong with ALL the guys I lay my eyes on.

I'm just so sick of feeling guilty for being myself. I mean, when I hang out with my other friends they will laugh at my jokes, and if I draw something they will tell me they like it, while she will label it as "too dark side".

I'm sorry if she can't appreciate my drawing for what they are, and instead just focus on them not being her style, but I think friends should compliment each other. I don't mean they should always be nice, sometimes you need a good backstab to come back down to earth, but I honestly can't remember the last time she told me something nice that didn't make me feel guilty because underneath it's like she's saying "yeah, of course you have to be better than me in that too!"

She's better than me in loads of stuff, and I don't make her feel guilty for it at all!

I have tried talking to her, but I can't get through to her. So is it really that mean to cut her out?

Please tell me what you think!

[MarMar]

I was just going to suggest talking to her, but if you've already tried that I don't know what else to advise.

[Eli]

I was just going to suggest talking to her, but if you've already tried that I don't know what else to advise.

Well, I have told her, but not like saying "Hey, you know what? You make me feel guilty for being myself!" to her face, I don't have the guts to do that I'm afraid. But every time I try talking about it she's suddenly all understanding and repectful and agreeing that people should be themselves and that no one should make each other guilty for that. But then just a few minutes later we're back to normal.