Support Group

[rockagirl]

^^ Im shure you have many people that love you Mar and i think many people here want only good things for you but not all comment.. I know.

Im not saying that i know what your feeling cuz i dont but i know how its like lying in bed all day. I dont have anybody, my friends talk **** about me behind my back all the time, my dad said to my face he never wanted to speak to me again and i feel sick every time i look in a mirror.. I never eat, i never feel happy and im tired all the time. Its horrible in the morning when im waking up cuz all i wanna do is hide in my bed.. I hate my life..

But i hope your feeling better Mar

[Eli]

Mar, I'm really sorry if any of the few comments I have posted (I haven't been good at posting comments at all ) have offended you. Mostly I don't comment because I don't want to pretend I know what you're going through, and also as I have said many times before I suck at situations like that. I have no idea what to say at all, to make people feel better, I'm usually the one who cracks a joke to break the tension after something happens (Chandler, you friends-fans will know what I mean) while others are good at comforting and saying the right thing.

I have a feeling jokes isn't the thing you need when you're feeling down, so terrified of saying something wrong I don't usually comment.

But one thing is for sure, you are loved! I know feelings are limited over the internet, but I now look at you as one of my best online friends. I think you are an amazing person, and definitely one of the people I would like to meet some day, just if nothing else to have a chat about art, photography and other stuff over a cup of coffee.

I'm not sure if that helped or even even made any sense at all, but I hope you feel better and I wish you all the best!

[Ashirr-Leigh]

I think I get what you guys are saying too.

Mar, I always read your posts and want to reply with hope and love and whatever it is that I think you need but the thing is, I don't ever think that I would be helping. I always think it's best not to say anything at all incase I end up making things worse by something I've said, you know?

I just hope you know that people do care about you. I know it probably sounds weird though, cause we don't know you and stuff.. but I always hope that you're doing well.

[carmelle]

I think I get what you guys are saying too.

Mar, I always read your posts and want to reply with hope and love and whatever it is that I think you need but the thing is, I don't ever think that I would be helping. I always think it's best not to say anything at all incase I end up making things worse by something I've said, you know?

I just hope you know that people do care about you. I know it probably sounds weird though, cause we don't know you and stuff.. but I always hope that you're doing well.

Mar, I totally agree with what Ashirr-Leigh wrote. Just cause I don't write anything doesn't mean I don't care. When ever I've read your posts I've always wanted to write something back, but I never know what it is that I should be writing and am always scared of making things worse. Bu t you should know that I'm wishing you all the best and hoping that you're doing well.

[MarMar]

Sorry for moaning.

[MarMar]

Ok, a bit of truth-time.

There's this girl. I've known her since I was 16-17. She's two years older than me, and well, we've been friends on and off.

She was one of the people we bought the café with. And, after my breakdown we didn't talk for a month. I was extremely uncomfortable, nervous and, well, embarrassed by it all.

I threatened, and wanted, to kill myself. T had to drive me home and make sure I wouldn't do anything stupid before driving back and saying we couldn't be a part of it anymore

either way, I didn't talk to her for a month. Embarrassed and hurt, I guess, hurt because she didn't get in touch with me

We finally started talking again, at least over the net, in December and have met each other a few times since.

Her mother died after suffering from cancer for three years last fall. They hadn't been close in "forever" and had a very strained relationship, but due to a handicapped brother she needed to stay in touch.

Now, she's in another city - apparently she needed time away. She's depressed as well, although I don't really know what her diagnosis is. Anyway, she's about to come back home and whenever she writes in her LJ about.. anything, it kinda stings. I know it's really bad of me to feel this way, but I "hate" how she's getting her life back on track.

Her last entry was the worst. How everything was starting to fall back together, that she'll be home, how she wants to go to a concert when she gets back and wants all her friends to come with. she asked if we could meet up before she went away, but I was extremely down and didn't have any money (at all), and it hurt a lot when she wrote how all her friends had been at a bar to say bye, since.. I wasn't there and she's been on my back for not calling her a friend in the past.

I know this is all really silly. I mean, I should be happy for her.

This entry will most likely to be deleted, so be warned.

[Eli]

It's not silly, I think I can understand you!

You just wish the same thing happen to you, and also it's hard when someone in your situation suddenly isn't in your situation anymore. It's kind of a silly comparism (is that a word?) but when the first girl in our group of friends had been in a serious relationship everything changed. It was like she upgraded, and even though she didn't really change the rest of us kind of stopped talking to her about boys and crushes because she was... I don't know... Sort of "on a different level".

It's just something about, like you can't really understand something unless you are in the situation if you ask me. Even if you've just been in the same situation things can suddenly change and things just never go back to being quite the same.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not necessarily feeling bad because you don't want her to get better, but because you want to know you're not alone and also you want to get better like her.

Greaahhrr, that was just a mess, sorry... I have a feeling that didn't make you feel any better, it's just my usual blabbering

[~Amy~]

Mercury Girl, I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through because I honestly don't. I do, however, know that if a friend of mine hadn't been there when I needed them, well then I wouldn't think of them in the same way again.... which is no help at all.

I'm finding it hard to care about school at all. I used to love it to pieces! Great test results excellent attendence (even got certificates for it!) but now? I can barely bring myself to even bother going in. I'm falling behind, in trouble for my attendence, or rather lack of. And the worst part is its stopped bothering me. I used to love it when I got a good result on a test but now if I do (when I'm actually in to take them) I just don't care. I'm in my junior cert year so its really important that I'm in and learning and preparing for the exam but I don't do my homework I'm not studying for tests lying about actually going etc. My Mum wants me to be a nurse and up until a while ago thats what I thought I wanted too. I now she'd never pressure me or anything but its just always there. I'm intelligent enough (not that I'm bragging lol) but I don't put in an effort anymore. Its worrying because I know I'm falling behind so I think 'I'll face it tomorrow instead' but then tomorrow turns into the next day and so on. I just know I'm going to end up regretting it further down the line but I can't bring myself to actually do something about it. My mum thinks I'm going through some sort of "phase" and having my "rebel" stage but I'm not...

It felt good to get that out, lol.

[MarMar]

I guess what you need to think about is why you don't care? Is it that you don't have the energy to care, like me? I'm six weeks behind in one course (haven't read anything from the curriculum), two in another, and I'm resitting and exam tomorrow to get a better grade (I did pass, and more, but I'd like to do better), however I haven't studied for it yet and I decided to resit it when I got the results.

Even though you say you're not going through a phase, I wouldn't rule out that you are. After so many years of good attendance and studying and grades and whatnot you might just feel that you've done more than can be expected? Either way, I think you'll be fine Hope so at least. Good luck!

[~Amy~]

Thanks, Mercury Girl.