Support Group

[MarMar]

Not that anyone cares, but I'll be away for a while. Too down and too run out to moderate/try to interact with anyone.

[Cal]

Mar, I hope you havn't left just yet.

I used to have a few random boils on the back of my neck and the top of my back.

I used this TeaTree oil gel. It worked wonders! In a few days of using it, they went down alot and they were not sore anymore.

Hope that helped and I hope you can get it in Norway!

[MarMar]

Still lurking...

Tea Tree Oil used to be allowed here, but apparently it's not anymore.

The problem is not zits, but that I SH/SI by picking on every little flaw that I find, turning it into wounds that I don't allow to heal. I pick off scabs 3 times or more a day. Not just my back, but neck, arms and legs too.

Sorry for the details.

[Eli]

Why can't we get teatre oil here?

I hope you feel better soon, Mar

[flutterby]

Mar I don't know what to say or how to help because I can't, I have no idea what you are feeling or what you are going through...it sounds awful. I just had to say something just so you know you are not being ignored or dismissed in any way, if people haven't experienced any of these intense things it is usually very difficult to comment and probably best if they/we don't say anything. I think you need to tell someone close to you, I know you have had problems with psychiatrists but perhaps you could tell Terje or your sister or something and they could go with you to get proffesional help - you can't go through this alone and I urge you not to try. I know you don't believe in God and I won't pray for you if you don't want me to but I would like to if you wouldn't mind xx

[MarMar]

Thanks, Flutterby. I do believe, I just don't believe in the God most people believe in, at least not the same way. I think all Gods/all religions are connected. That the Christian God and the Muslin, and every else are aspects of God - so if you want to pray for me, I'd appreciate it.

I really want to get help not. I did something today I thought I had put well and truly behind me. Seems that old, even years old, habits die hard. I see that I can't go through this alone anymore,

Thanks.

[allibaz91]

Mar I wish there was more I or anyone here could do, but you just need to know that everyone here supports you and wants you to get better

I think it's great that you're seeking help now - nobody should be expected to go it alone, ever, and the fact that you have for this long is a credit to how strong a person you are. As for whatever you did today, I'm sorry that you felt the need to do it, but at least you've realised that there are people who can help you now.

I - and everyone here - am here for you all the way, and if you need to talk at any time that's what we're here for. You can do this, Mar

[MarMar]

Thanks, Allibaz - I don't think I know you all that well, so to have you offer support is really appreciated.

I have to admit, it's been a pretty rough week. No big reason, just a bunch of small ones that makes everything messed up. I feel like I'm failing everywhere at whatever I do. I know I've been whining a lot lately. Bear with me, ok?

* I was very skeptical about actually doing the show, and with good reason, it's going miserably.

* Not managing to do what I need for uni, let alone catch up on the subject I haven't read any of the curriculum for since the start of term.

* Failing everyone around me - friends, would-be friends, S/O and other family. I haven't dared to stay at home alone, in case I do something or break down.

* I still haven't finished the ATCs. They're printed and the cardboard has been cut into pieces, so basically, they just need to be glued onto the cardboard. I've printed small photos for everyone as a compensation, but I know it's inexcusable.

* "Fighting" with my mom, avoiding her. Generally avoiding everyone and everything. Isolating myself more than usual.

* Stop taking care of myself when it comes to personal hygiene and appearance. I don't see a reason to shower, get dressed and made-up anymore. Showered both yesterday and today, though, and washed my hair.

* Not only have I picked so much on myself that I fear I have an infection forming, all of the wounds have grown considerably in size, and I'm unable to stop myself from doing it. I pick whenever I feel anxious or sad, but also unconsciously whenever I get the chance.

* + I did something I promised myself I'd never do again, something I haven't done for years. Good thing is that I told S/O about it.

[allibaz91]

^^ No problem, Mar - I don't exactly know you well but I spoke to you a few times on MSN, and I know who you are! Besides, I hate seeing anybody miserable, and I hope I can help (btw you can call me Alli )

You aren't whinging - if anything it's good for us to know you're able to talk about what's wrong, rather than bottling it all up.

If the show is going miserably you can't blame yourself - if you do the best you can then you should feel good about that, and not focus so much on what else is going wrong.

Uni is important but there are other things in life than education - your health and happiness have to come first.

I doubt very much that anybody around you feels like you've failed them, because from what I can gather you do a lot more to help other people than you do to help yourself a lot of the time. You ought to be proud, if anything. You just can't see it, but I'd bet the people around you can.

The ATCs are important but you can't do everything. And at least you've tried to make it up to people - you're not just shirking the responsibility completely. Don't be so down on yourself.

Isolating yourself from those who care about you won't help anything. I know it seems hard to face people, but being alone is even harder. Once you get more confident you'll be able to communicate better with others, and it will get easier than you'd expect. All it takes is a little push.

Personal hygiene is still important - and I know that having a long soak in the bath always relaxes me It doesn't seem like it, but taking care of yourself does make you feel emotionally better. If how others see you affects your view of yourself, then keeping your appearance up to scratch will make others look at you better, and that makes you feel better.

Picking is a problem that only you can help yourself solve, unfortunately. You know it's wrong, and have admitted it, which is half the battle. You have to remember that there are people who care about you, and that you're only hurting yourself more and making yourself unhappy by picking, and doing other things too. It's good that you're talking about it now - you're on the right track, and it will get easier as you take more steps to fighting this.

Just remember you're not alone, and everyone here wants you to get better

[MarMar]

Thanks for your support!

Sorry for this, I just need to vent.

Been dealing with some new stuff as well.

I was cut off from a friends list on LiveJournal for almost a week - this woman who has claimed to be my friend for so long, but kept on thinking she knew better than me what I need and what I need to do to get better. I am not ready to go to a doctor to get a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist/both, and no matter how many times I've told her she kept going on telling me what to do and wanting me to do what she did to get better, nor respecting my feelings or me at all. So, last Sunday she cut me off from her friends list and I was told that I'm not worth spending time on and well, I adjust to not having ANYONE in this city that I can rely on, except S/O.

And then, out of the blue, I get a comment on an entry. I reply and more comments come ticking into my mailbox.

I don't know what I think about it. Not sure if I should be relieved in a way, because it might mean this/that was not the end afterall, or see it as a sort of emotional manipulation.

Right now, it's undecided.