Support Group

[Cerise]

Aww Shan I'm sorry

[allibaz91]

Shan!! I'm really sorry *hugs*

Listen, I know you think you're alone here, but you have to believe me when I say I know what you're going through. It's possibly the worst experience of my life, when something similar happened to me, but I got through it and so can you.

Okay, this will look like I'm venting, but I'm only saying this to help Shan ...

My mum was in hospital in September 2004, I was only 13, and I won't go into too much detail, but there was a period of maybe six weeks or so when i thought I might lose her. It was a total nightmare - I missed a few days of school, I hardly saw my friends, I had like no life. I was just too worried to care about anything. But I couldn't keep being negative.

My mum isn't the most positive person in the world, to say the least, but she tried to look on the bright side for all of our sakes, and we had to do the same for her sake. I took it hardest - I'm the youngest, and the only girl, so it was pretty bad for me. But all my friends found out through gossip (small towns ) and they were so supportive of me. They helped me through it as best they could, and it was hard for a while, but the time kind of blurred and passed eventually.

Shan, my point here is this. You feel alone and scared - I know exactly what you're going through, and I remember how it felt. But you can be strong. And thinking the worst is almost inevitable; I remember; I was the same. But my mum's okay now, and you have to remember that even if the worst comes to worst, there are treatments now that just weren't there when your mum was 17. I know (believe me, I know!) that it's only words, and it doesn't make it seem better, but at the end of the day, nothing is impossible. When my mum was ill, she had to go through a ten and a half hour operation to remove her tumour, and it was on her brain. And she came through it. It was so unlikely that she would - it had been there for 18 months and nobody noticed. Thankfully it was a benign tumour, in her case, but the position was really dangerous.

You can't help thinking the worst at a time like this. But there are others who understand how you feel, Shan, and the last thing you want to do is shut them out. Just think positive - it worked wonders for my mum, at any rate. And doctors, surgeons today, they really do know what they're doing. I don't know what's going to happen, but whatever does, there will always be people there willing to do everything they can to help you and your mum - and that includes me, as far as I possibly can.

All the advice I can give you, knowing how you feel, is .... get on with it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you let it drag you down, things seem so much worse. And even when things do look worst, you have to remember - people are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. They want to fight, and wanting to is half the battle. Your mum can do this, whatever happens tomorrow, and so can you. You don't think you can, but when you have to do something, you just do it, without really knowing how. It's in our nature. Although you might not think it, you're a fighter, and so is your mum, and so are her doctors. You'll get through this, with her supporting you and you supporting her. It's a struggle, I don't deny that, but you'll muddle through. At times like this, people pull together in ways you don't see on TV shows. It's .... incredible. I can't describe what it's like. But with everyone helping, and your own inner strength, you'll get through anything that happens.

And whatever does happen, you have friends here, Shan. Including me. And you know we're all here for you, any time, anything. Just don't assume the worst, even when it looks impossible. I've learned the hardest way. It doesn't do anybody any good. Let it all out, and trust those closest to you. They want to help. And your mum can fight this, with your support. You can support her, with our support. Hang in there, hon. You can do it. Trust me.

[Eli]

I'm really sorry to hear that Shannon (I hope it's okay for me to call you that?).

All I can say is han in there, and try to stay positive!

I know it's not much of a help but...

All the best wishes for you, your mum and the rest of your family!

[Sarah_Lewis]

Ok I have this friend, I wont mention names but she likes lying she'd do anything to keep me as a friend, she lied about having breast cancer =o and the latest one was she said she was pregnant, i found out it was a lie!! I told her she didn't have to lie to get friends or keep me as a friend, she also pretends to be other people!! God knows why she does it

[Sarah_Lewis]

Shan, is your mums gall bladder still in? Maybe she just needs it taken out

[Eli]

Ok I have this friend, I wont mention names but she likes lying she'd do anything to keep me as a friend, she lied about having breast cancer =o and the latest one was she said she was pregnant, i found out it was a lie!! I told her she didn't have to lie to get friends or keep me as a friend, she also pretends to be other people!! God knows why she does it

I'm no expert at all, but my first though was that maybe she has some problems at home or something she doesn't dare to talk about/doesn't know how to bring up, and that's her way to get attention?

[allibaz91]

That's what came into my mind too, Eli ...

I think if your friend lies a lot and pretends to be other people, it's because she might not be comfortable with who she is, and feel she needs to exaggerate things to make herself or her life seem more interesting. This could simply be a self-esteem problem, or maybe she has deeper psychological issues. Or, as Eli said, it could be that she lies because she's in denial about some problems she has at home, and by lying to her friends she can pretend to herself that she's somebody else, and these problems don't exist.

All I can suggest is you try and talk to her - break through the lies and talk to her one on one, and try and find out why she says these things. If she won't tell you, then tell her that lying is only likely to alienate her real friends, and you want her to know you like her for who she is. If she can't see that, then she has a problem, and it's not fair on you. Hopefully this will show her that what she does is wrong and she needs to be open and that she can trust you.

[Sarah_Lewis]

I'm not in contact with her anymore though all i do is text her every so often, she told me she liked me as in like like god knows why she likes someone as ugly as me !! and there is no problem at home I would of heard by now from someone, she got me in so much trouble at school and she blamed it all on me, ok now i feel like im picking on her =[[ i'm not though, but she'll never get me back as a friend not when she lied about having breast cancer AND being pregnant oh and being raped by an Indian, i know she lied about that cuz she told me herself!!

[Traceve]

Shan, is your mums gall bladder still in? Maybe she just needs it taken out

Yes it is, I thought it might be that to, but I don't know.

(I hope it's okay for me to call you that?).

Yes, please do call me Shan or Shannon.

Thanks for the replies. Uhm. I really appericate it. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I hardly have any friends and then friends I do have either moved away this year or when I moved here 2 years ago. I stopped seeing my counclor (sp) at the end of last year because she got pregnant and took leave. The only people I can rely on, are half way across the world or in Belle's case the next state. I can always rely on my friends on the net, they listen to me and care. I know I need friends well not on the net as well and I am working on that, but no-one seems to like me, but, i'm working on that too..

I just went off topic.. sorry!

god knows why she likes someone as ugly as me !!

Emma, your not ugly, I have seen your picture before.

Edit: Mum just got back from the doctors. It isn't cancer. But, she needs to have her gall bladder out because its full of gall stones.

[Sarah_Lewis]

She should get it done ASAP she wouldn't want it to burst very painful, good luck to your Mum =]

Thanks Shan =] i need to get my whatcha ma call it up