Support Group

[~Lynd~]

The reason i moved out of home was actually becourse I wasn't getting along with my mum.We used to be close but the last year or so of living with her was hell.She never said anything in public but at home around the dinnner table she'd say some really mean things about me.As some of you know,i'm in a wheelchair and most of these remarks were about something that's a part of my disability.I was scared to talk a lot of the time in case she yelled at me.

My Dad stuck up for me but gave up becourse she'd always say who's side are you on when he'd say maybe it wasn't my fault.Maybe that's why your Dad does't stick up for you,he gets caught in the middle meawhile making her madder.

It might also be the reason your sister is so mean,It was the same deal with my sisters and brother as with my dad even though they weren't really nasty liike your sister sounds.They'd be scared to disagree with her and in the end agree even if they didn't want to.I used to try and defend myself but learned it was easier to just shut up and put up with it,it'd be over quicker.

My life story probably isn't helping much but just remember you're probably not the only one uncomfortable with the situation.Have you told her how you feel?

[Pierced Musie]

Cal, ask her if she enjoys making you feel like crying. Ask her, in an honest way, why she feels the need to treat you differently to everyone else.

And last of all, ask her if she thinks you enjoy the fact that you've gone through months of hell and come out with a very serious illness.

[Sam =)]

Far out why do parents always have to complicate everything?

Ever since my parents seperated I think it was around October/November last yr my mum hates me spending any time with my dad. I always got along with my mum better growing up but when I hit about 13 I startedto really bond with my dad because my mum was to pre-occupied with my sister and brother and still is. My dad actually makes time for me and will leave work and cancel appointments for me at the click of a finger. Especially sice they seperated I have really missed my dad and love to spend time with him but my mum hates it and get really angry at me and always tells me to just move out and live with him, but I don't want to because I love my mum, sister and brother and don't want to leave them. I always make an effort with mum but she always seems to have something better to do and then get jellous when dad takes me somewhere.

Help!

[Cal]

I'm relieved that I'm not the only one in this situation.

I was talking to Dad in the car and he brought it up. He thought it was unfair the way Mum treated me today. I would be much happier if he actually said it in front of her and not watch me get torn to pieces.

Musie, I'd love to ask her those things, but she'll probably think I'm attacking her.

Sam, sorry to hear about the divorce, it must be very difficult. Your Mum is probably jealous that you spend time with your Dad. She probably wants you all to yourself. Don't take it personally, it's her own problem.

Thanks for all the replies!

[~Lynd~]

She might think you favour your Dad as he has more time for you.I'm sure your mother loves you just as much as your brother and sister,She probably thinks you're old enough to do some stuff for yourself now and help out.

Talk too her and tell her how you feel,that you love her as much as you love your dad but feel uncomfortable when you feel you have to pick sides.

[Ashirr-Leigh]

Cal, can't you ask your dad to intervene next time your mum starts attacking you like that? They might not realise just how much it hurts you.

And Sam, maybe your mum is just scared of losing you. If she's just gone through a divorce she's probably lost quite a bit of her life already and when she sees you being happy with your dad, she might be scared that you're the next thing she's going to lose.

[Lilone]

Need a bif of advice

Last June, mum and dad split up. She upped and left saying she didn't love my dad but there was clearly a bigger reason. Her leaving broke the family apart, I was gutted for weeks. Couple of months later she was ringing my dad up wanting money.... my dads such a sofie he ended up giving her a large sum of money to pay of her debts and buy a flat (thats the reason she left because she owed so much money)

As she was given this money she swore on all her kids life that she would sign the house over to my dad but once she had spent the money she went back on her word leaving my dad in debt

Me and my sisters went mad, we just didnt know what to think she swore she would give us her half the house but didn't so we were pissed off that she lied and everything.

But as the months went on she kept up and leaving the house were she was staying out to see another bloke in a different city, we had no idea what to think or what.

Due to all this it made visting her mum and dad (my grandparents) difficult because we didn't know how to act around them.

I'm at the age where I can think for my self and act for myself and that mean't argueing with her and telling her what i really felt (how much I disliked her)

Mothers day that just went, none of us sent her a card because we hadn't spoke to heard from her since October.

Her birthday was last Friday and again no one sent a car but my sisters sent her a text saying happy birthday but I didn't because I'm the one that it has effected the most and i'm the one who has argued with her most but anyway after my sisters sent her a text saying happy birthday they got a reply saying "thanks for the card" (sarcastic but what did she expect if she hasn't even boothered the contact them)

Last night came and my mum saw my dad with his new girl friend and my mum went mad, It was 4am and I was home alone when I heard banging on the door. It was my so called mum kicking and trying to get in the house. She was threatening to call the police if I didn't let her inn. I was so scared , I had never saw her like this before plus I was on my own and she was gunna kick he door inn

My dad finally came home but she had gone, she came bk around 5amwanting to come inn still banshing the door n trying to get in shouting. But she also tells me that my grandma and grandad are disgusted with me about how I'm not talking to my mum. (I was very close to them before the split.... they mean the world to me)

I eventually caled the police because I was so scared she was going to get inn.

The police arrived and they took her away.

This morning I woke up with a letter near my front door from her, saying sorry and she misses me but 2 hours later she is back bashing the door and trying to get in telling me to shut the f*** up else she will hit me.

My dad and me are ignroing her hoping she will go away but she is adamint she is going to get inn

Evenually she goes but I have a feeling it not over.

*it feels better just writing about this*

Basically I just feel so bad because I called the police on my own mum and I don't know if that was the right thing to do and plus what if it's true about my grandma and grandad being disgusted in me, I couldn't bare the fact of that I love them to bits

Then there's another thing, should I ever forgive my mum?

My life is in bits at the moment

[allibaz91]

Lil!!

*massive hugs*

That's completely rotten

I totally wish I were better at giving advice right now .....

All I can say is, you better not blame yourself for any of this. You had to phone the police - that sounds like it must have been really frightening!! I would've done the same thing in your position, although I know that doesn't make you feel any better. She had to be stopped from acting that way - no matter how bad you might feel about it, what she was doing is unacceptable behaviour.

As for your grandparents, I don't know if they think that or not, but if they do then I can imagine it would hurt. On the other hand, I doubt they know the full story about why you feel this way about your mum. Maybe if you went to see them or called them, at least you would know where you stood?

I don't know if this thing is over, but the important thing is that you're trying to deal with it maturely, and you're able to talk about it. If it keeps going, I can't tell you how to deal with it, but you can always talk to me about it. And you and your dad can stay strong together, help one another through it. And I really do think you should call your grandparents - if they do still care for you and don't feel disgusted, then you'll have them for support too. I know this all seems so huge, and it is a horrible situation to be stuck in, but things will get easier, hopefully sooner rather than later. Until then all you can do is keep doing the right thing, and not let guilt get in the way. Remember I'm here for you if you ever need anything. And you can get through this. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Try and keep your spirits up, and keep an open relationship with your dad. You'll need each other before this is over.

You can do this, Lil, and I'm here for you all the way

[Jess]

Lilone, I'm so sorry. I guess I don't have any mega-helpful advice, having never been in this situation myself. Regarding your grandparents: your mum obviously knows how close you were to them, and I suspect she is using them as a weapon to get you to talk to her again. Is there any way you can go to your grandparents (I know it would be hard) and have a chat with them and see if you can figure out what their perspectives are on this? It may be that they've only heard your mum's side of events. Although obviously she's their daughter and they love her, they'll almost certainly be able to see what you're going through and if you're as close as you sound then I don't think you'll have much problem with them. Obviously, your mum might not be too impressed if she's been revealed as a liar (saying things about your grandparents that aren't true), but right now your relationship with them is more important than you and your mum's. Just 'cos we might be genetically closer to our parents than our grandparents, it doesn't mean that we are in reality. Does that make sense?

I think that if your mum was truly sorry and really wanted to make it up to you, then she wouldn't be back two hours later banging the door down and swearing at you. In defence of your mum, she's probably very hurt that no one really commented much on her birthday; but, quite frankly, I don't blame you. If she really wants to make it all better with you, then she needs to start acting more grown up and cut the sarcasm - you didn't ask her to run up debts and leave.

I think you should forgive her in the sense that I don't think it's healthy for you to hold a grudge for the rest of your life, but that doesn't mean forgetting what's happened and acting like you're best friends. I think that first and foremost you need to find a way of speaking to your grandparents (even if it does annoy your mum even more), maybe take your dad with you, or something, to see what their take is on things. And then try and work from there. Maybe they can try and talk some sense into your mum, or at least make her see what she's doing to you.

I know my confused ramblings probably haven't been much help, and that all this stuff is a lot easier said than done, but I really hope it works out for you. I'm here if you ever wanna talk.

[Lilone]

Thanks guys,

The lucky thing is my grandma and grandad live acrosss the road and I its what makes me feel not going over because my mum might be there

With my grandma not being very well recently I have come to realise that my grandma means everything to me and I started going over but it was aukward.... (the silence of not knowing what to say) plus my mum keeps saying I never go over often but my other sister or cousins my age don't see her and they don't get moaned at for not going over... its just me

With my mum she's like she misses us but then she's not even trying to make it up she just blames my dad for us hating her but its deffinutly not my dad, we can make our own decisions.

My dad is fine with not being with her no more its just the fact she comes round trying to bash in my front door