Support Group

[MarMar]

^ I get you Mar, I have been feeling a little bit that way too lately, I doubt in the same proportions but I just long for someone to think of me first, to want to phone me and chat or to just recognise I'm here. I think because I'm sarcastic and always making jokes etc people don't realise I have feelings, I just feel a bit lonely. Recently I have been working up some friendships in my youth group and feeling really wanted and accepted, then this one girl (who don't get me wrong I really like) comes back from uni and another comes along after being awol for a while and I'm back at square one feeling completely inadequate and just pointless really. It's a struggle cos I really like them but they seem to findcertain people dispensable which makes me really angry, for instance my sister was the person who brought them both in the first place and now they often act like she doesn't exist (she's a bit of a doormat) and they just don't have any awareness of the cliques they make and the people who feel included when they aren't there who they push out when they are. I don't know I just feel a bit gutted.

Sorry Mar I did start this post with the intention of helping you and I've just moaned about trivial things in my life instead

I totally get you, Flutterby! I've felt the same way for years and thus I've never actually developed friendships with anyone. Truthfully speaking now, I have no real life friends. Seriously. If it hadn't been for The Boyfriend I wouldn't talk to anyone at all except my mom. I struggle a lot with opening up and trusting people. I've been bullied, frozen out of groups and been backstabbed enough in my life for me to dare try it again. The last time was just a few weeks ago when I was actually told that I was not worth spending time on.

You've got a LJ, don't you? You can add me if you want - mercury_girl.livejournal.com

[~Lynd~]

^ I get you Mar, I have been feeling a little bit that way too lately, I doubt in the same proportions but I just long for someone to think of me first, to want to phone me and chat or to just recognise I'm here. I think because I'm sarcastic and always making jokes etc people don't realise I have feelings, I just feel a bit lonely. Recently I have been working up some friendships in my youth group and feeling really wanted and accepted, then this one girl (who don't get me wrong I really like) comes back from uni and another comes along after being awol for a while and I'm back at square one feeling completely inadequate and just pointless really. It's a struggle cos I really like them but they seem to findcertain people dispensable which makes me really angry, for instance my sister was the person who brought them both in the first place and now they often act like she doesn't exist (she's a bit of a doormat) and they just don't have any awareness of the cliques they make and the people who feel included when they aren't there who they push out when they are. I don't know I just feel a bit gutted.

Sorry Mar I did start this post with the intention of helping you and I've just moaned about trivial things in my life instead

I totally get you, Flutterby! I've felt the same way for years and thus I've never actually developed friendships with anyone. Truthfully speaking now, I have no real life friends. Seriously. If it hadn't been for The Boyfriend I wouldn't talk to anyone at all except my mom. I struggle a lot with opening up and trusting people. I've been bullied, frozen out of groups and been backstabbed enough in my life for me to dare try it again. The last time was just a few weeks ago when I was actually told that I was not worth spending time on.

You've got a LJ, don't you? You can add me if you want - mercury_girl.livejournal.com

I definately understand where both of you are coming from.I had a group of about 7 at school but only one has kept in contact.I sometimes questioned their motives and now it seems i was right to.

I only have one real friend who would,and has dropped everything at the drop of a hat if i need her.Except for her i don't really talk to many people,including my parents.

The last time i saw them was about 6 months ago when i had a pretty big operation.Besides that it's been like pulling teeth to get them to see me,there's alweys some excuse,someone or something more important.

This weekend for example,i called muy mum becourse i needed help with something and she jokingly said,''i thought you'd fallen off the face of the planet'' or some such thing.My responce to that was''i'm not the only one with a phone,you have one to'' to which she shut up.Even when i rang to say i was ok like she said to she couldn't wait tro get rid of me becoursee they had visitors.

My point is don't blame yourself,people expect to much and give very little.I've given up,i've given all i have to give and gotten nothing in return.As hard as it is i've learned to just be grateful for what i have as people have it a lot worse.Peole won't change.you can't make them and it's not a reflection on you,you've given it your best shot.

I hope some of that made sence .

[aejdude]

I'm not in here to really post about something I need help with, but I'm constantly looking for acceptance. Whenever I post on my blog, I'm yearning for comments. Not on every post, but big ones. I know this is completely unfair to my f-list - they've got their own lives, and what I find important and worth writing about might not be something they even care about, e.g the knitting and the bags I'm making.

I feel the same about the comments thing.

I'll try to comment more often from now on, i know what it's like writing a blog post and waiting for comments then not getting any. You don't intentionally write it for comments, but you do think it would be nice to get a comment or two from a few of my friends.

[MarMar]

Exactly.

[MarMar]

T was called up by this old acquaintance of his today. Just a few minutes ago.

They met back in HS, and for a long time, he was in love with her. She knew, but didn't want him back. She's been with a few of the guys from "the gang", but only in a relationship with one of them. That didn't turn out too well. Either way, when I first broke up with my ex, or... when he dumped me, I think T was still "in mourning" over this girl. Apparently, she had taken her toll on him, so to speak. After he told me about it, I've had trouble really trusting him with her, or vice versa. I don't know. I'm jealous. I know she is this great girl - looks, intelligence and confidence to boot.

I dunno. I can see a lot of similarities between me and her. Neither of us get along with "normal girls", and despite our failures to be friends, we get, or at least got, along well enough. We've had our share of problems etc.

There's this one thing, though, that keeps coming back to me. And that is a conversation I had with the during our first summer together - 4 years ago. I don't remember how we started the topic, but we talked about how many men she had actually been with, because some people claimed it to be a few more than the truth. I think this was also talked about with her, and at that time she just gave the number. Well, in the conversation, he named the ones he knew about, and then said that there was one more, but didn't give a name. I just knew. Right there and then, that this was my ex. I know I shouldn't care, he was my ex and well, he had shaken me up pretty badly, spiraled me into a very deep depression and an attempt to end my life, but I cared. I cared because I felt so betrayed. Here was this girl who I had cared so much about, who I thought could have been a friend, a good friend.

So the year passes and our contact with her is off and on. Every time we start spending time with her again, it comes back to me. The sunshine through the car window, the street sign that we drove past, everything. I remember it down to the smallest details, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of it.

[aejdude]

Do you have to keep seeing this girl? Does T know about your ex and have you told him all of this? If you haven't i think it would be wise for you to do so.

I'm guessing it's mainly him who wants to keep meeting up with her and not you so if he doesn't know just say what you have said here and that she brings back bad memories which you don't need braught up again and he should understand.

If i was in your position, i'd make sure i never saw her again but then that's just me.

Anyway, hope this helps.

[MarMar]

It was from the conversation with him four years ago that made me think it was my ex. The whole situation gave off that impression.

I haven't met her for over 6 months. Neither has he.

[aejdude]

That's good you both haven't met her in that long.

[MarMar]

It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't like them together. Gah, I don't know.

[Jess]

Mar, it's perfectly natural that you're gonna feel uneasy about T. and this girl meeting up, even if you're with them. Even though it may not be entirely logical, since I'm sure T. loves you, you're bound to feel worried 'cos in the back of your mind there'll always be that niggling feeling that "they were together before, so what's to say that they couldn't be together now?", the answer to that question is you. T. loves you. If he didn't, then you guys wouldn't have lasted for as long as you have - there's only so much time someone can repress feelings and not let them affect their current relationship, so I honestly don't think there's a problem. However, I can totally understand your fears. You should definately tell T.; I'm sure he'll understand.