Support Group

[Ashirr-Leigh]

I think you did.

It's good that you can talk to your dad about it anyway, like that he understand what it is that you're thinking about and stuff.

[Pierced Musie]

The man knows what I think and what I like. He also knows what style clothes I like best, which is a little freaky but sweet.

I talked to Ma yesterday about it. She wants to give me some money this year, with it being 21 an all. She is going to have a look at next years policy before saying anything.

[Ashirr-Leigh]

Aw, that is sweet. I've always been a daddy's girl myself so I get it.

Well I suppose it's better that she checks the policy and stuff before she commits to giving you any money, right?

[MarMar]

Seems like I'm crashing again. Been a long time now. A month, maybe more.

Baaad crying fit earlier.

[Pierced Musie]

But crying is good! I have a good cry and then I'm better the next day. You've pulled yourself back before, you'll do it again .

Eat some chocolate, watch a comedy/horror/porn and relax a little

[Ashirr-Leigh]

I think crying is a good thing too, sometimes you just need to let things out.

So, I told my dad a huge secret that I had, something that, if I'm honest, I'd wanted to tell him for a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to. We've talked about it a bit and we will do more I think, but I just can't shake the feeling that I've disappointed him by not telling him before..

[carmelle]

Ok here goes… I’m not really good at talking about my problems so this is really hard for me to write, but it’s just got to a point where I need to get things out…even if that means this is just going to sound like a major rant and moan…

I’m currently studying to get through my foundation year at uni so that I can continue on to next year and there’s a lot of pressure to do so and things aren’t helped at home with the rest of the family always hanging about and being a nuisance.

There’s so much I have to put up with from them and it’s annoying and I try my best to put up with it, even though I loose it every now and then.

It’s always mum that starts everything with her snobby and usually cruel comments and everyone else follows her lead. I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she just ignores me or tells me to “drop it” and stop complaining.

I was meant to move out of my parent’s home last autumn when I had planned to go away to uni, far from home. Unfortunately I didn’t get the results I needed in order to go to my uni of choice, due to a lot of reasons. I eventually did find another course at another uni but this meant that I was much closer to home and I also lost the place I had found.

Since then I’ve still been looking for a place to move to but places much closer to home are far too expensive and finding a job isn’t as easy as I had hoped it would be, especially as I’ve never worked before. I still haven’t given up on either but my priority is my studies, so the job/apartment hunt has been put on a hold till the summer.

The worst thing about living at home is having to put up with the constant bull*^!t and the comments. My parents know I want to move out and they refuse to help me out. To be quite honest I don’t want their money at all, but I wouldn’t mind their support. But that is too much to ask from them. Mum’s always reminding me that I did so badly in my exams and how that’s one of the main reasons I’m still here and how it must be rotten to be one of the only ones still here while all my friends have moved away.

As if that’s not bad enough, being the oldest I always have to look after the siblings while she goes where ever she wants, usually to work. If I happen to not be home when she wants to go out she goes out of her way to get me home so that I can look after them, even if that means cancelling the child minder that I managed to find. These days life is a balancing act of looking after the younger ones and fitting in uni, and it shouldn’t have to be like that. But no one seems to care and I seem to be stuck in a rut.

I feel like I’m being punished for something that I’ve done, but I have no idea what. I hope I don’t sound like I’m being selfish cause that’s the last thing I want to be.

[claire_louise]

I think crying is a good thing too, sometimes you just need to let things out.

So, I told my dad a huge secret that I had, something that, if I'm honest, I'd wanted to tell him for a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to. We've talked about it a bit and we will do more I think, but I just can't shake the feeling that I've disappointed him by not telling him before..

Maybe he feels a bit like that now, but when he's had chance to get his head round it I'm sure he'll be proud of you for telling him at all. He's probably just upset that you didn't feel like you could talk to him, and is more disappointed with himself than with you. Well done by the way, do you feel better?

[Ashirr-Leigh]

I do feel better, so much better for having told him. I've always told my dad everything, like actually everything.. except from this one thing and now it just feels like a huge weight off. I know he'll be able to help me with it. I just feel a bit bad.. like I've made myself feel better but him feel worse.

[MarMar]

Gonna put this is a spoiler tag... Because, it can be triggering.

I really hate it when I notice how manic I actually am. These last few weeks, months maybe haven't been all that bad - no major downs, no crying, no nothing. I should have known it to happen soon enough. I've got no control of my money at the moment. I hope I can afford to eat in Germany.

So yeah. Had decided to make that wallet-thingy again last night. Looked at a couple of tutorials on Crafster and decided on one of them. I suck at numbers. Really. I almost failed the easiest math in HS. The one you need if you want to study in Norway. I suck at math to such a degree that when I was about to convert the inches into CMs and asked T for help and he asked me what 3 divided by 4 is I wanted to throw up. My mind refuses to even begin to figure it out.

Anyway, I'm all set. the fabric been cut and everything. Then, the lady who wrote the tutorial is very vague and doesn't really explain is, because she already knows how to do this! So, I sew the wrong rectangle onto another rectangle. I got T to help me figure it out, and yes, I did something wrong. I don't really remember what happens, but it ends up with me in the bedroom with an old wall paper knife and two new lines on my arm sobbing I can't ever do anything right and that I'm useless. Even at cutting myself.

He helped me cut new fabric and was there while I sewed it together. My arm was throbbing the entire time. 'Tis healing now, so that's good. Just needed to get it off my chest.