Support Group

[Cal]

Mar, the ups will come around again soon. You were doing so well.

__________________

I got verbally attacked again by Mum.

This time is was a genuine mistake that I made.

She was listening to the phone messages (NOTE: She was a bit tipsy), and she was waiting for it to finish so she could delete it. I suggested that if she presses 7, it should delete - so no need to listen to the message.

She said it doesn't work - she had already tried a few days previously. I said it worked for me. Which it did.

She went ape. She started saying, "Don't you tell me it deletes when it clearly f**king doesn't!"

I just told her to calm down. Somehow that came across as Arrogant.

I just don't think I can deal with anymore of this. I can't talk to them about it because they just make up excuses about the situation.

/rantover

[-Tess-]

Cal, maybe you should consider a family councellor to come to the house, if you feel comftorble with it. it may help the situation. Or you could videotape your mum in action, and show it to her, so she knows how much she hurts you when she has a tantrum. I know they're bad answers, maybe not helpful either, but it was the best I could do!

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okay, i need advice.

My Nan died a bit over a month ago, and I feel so lost and helpless.

Everyone else in my family is doing fine, going on with their lives. I try to, but nothing feels the same anymore. I don't know what to do. Any help?

[~Rosey~]

Tess, i know how you feel hun. My Grandpa died..almost a year ago and i'm still not over it. I really cant give you any advice becuase I dont know what to do myself. But to calm myself down abit, I try and think of the happy times I shared with him, knowing that hes always going to be looking over me.

[allibaz91]

Well I lost my granddad last January, four days after my brithday, which sucked. But he was ill for ages and we all knew it was coming, so everyone else seemed to cope with it much better than I did. I'm still not completely back to normal, and don't know if I ever will be, really, but I'm better than I was.

What I can suggest is that you need some closure. Some people don't seem to need it, but many do, and it has to be personal. Like, my granddad had 3 kids (including my dad) and when he was cremated they didn't know what to do with his ashes. So my dad took them and kept them until they decided what to do with them. I really needed some way to make my peace with the fact that he was gone, so I took his ashes to the grounds where there used to be a football club - he had played for them like 60 years before or something, and he loved it. He used to take me there as a baby for walks, and I still have all the pictures of him playing for them (team photos etc.) And I went there to try and figure things out, and I just ended up scattering his ashes there. I didn't plan on it, but it was like he was telling me that's what he wanted. My dad and his brother had been out there a week before, considering it, but said it didn't feel right. I think it was a kind of closure meant for me, because he and I had had this bond over the place.

What I'm saying (or ranting, whatever) is that it's a very personal situation, but it'll come for you too. It'll hit you when you least expect it and it might surprise you, but I'd say just go with it. Once you get closure, the pain of losing someone doesn't go away, but you find peace with them being somewhere more peaceful.

I hope this helps you both and doesn't just sound like a pointless ramble

[Marieh]

okay, i need advice.

My Nan died a bit over a month ago, and I feel so lost and helpless.

Everyone else in my family is doing fine, going on with their lives. I try to, but nothing feels the same anymore. I don't know what to do. Any help?

I know how you feel. My grandpa died nearly 10 years ago but it still feels funny when I try to live my life. My grandpa was the first close family I lost. I was only 3 when my grandmother (his wife) died so I can't remember any of it other then her suddently being gone.

I still cry when I think of him, and every christmas is a reminder of his death (he died on christmas eve).

There's nothing much you can do, but I'm sure your Nan would understand that you move on. I'm also sure that she wants you to move on .

I don't know if this made any sense, but I think you should try and move on, you don't have to forget her, you never will.

[carmelle]

okay, i need advice.

My Nan died a bit over a month ago, and I feel so lost and helpless.

Everyone else in my family is doing fine, going on with their lives. I try to, but nothing feels the same anymore. I don't know what to do. Any help?

My grams died almost 2 years ago and things still feel wierd. It's normal to feel lost and helpless and everyone has their own way of coping, so don't worry that your family are getting on with their lives. I don't think it will ever feel the same, as you'll never get over the death of someone that's so close to you. However as time goes on you will learn to accept that they're not there anymore and learn to live with their absence. It takes longer for some people than others. It doesn't mean you're going to stop missing them, or that you're going to forget how bad it was to loose them. Things will get better though. In the mean time you just have to take it one day at a time and start getting on with your life, and don't worry if moving on takes longer than you think.

[HeavenForbid]

okay, i need advice.

My Nan died a bit over a month ago, and I feel so lost and helpless.

Everyone else in my family is doing fine, going on with their lives. I try to, but nothing feels the same anymore. I don't know what to do. Any help?

In the past 4 years I have lost all of my grandparents.

It was hard to get over their deaths but I did.

Like you, Tess, everyone around me was getting on with their lives

I took me a while to finally realise that, that is what i could have been doing.

So I did. I will always miss my grandparents but you have to realise that you grandmother would of wanted you to be happy.

I sometimes think of them and think of what I did with them when I was younger and it makes me cry others times I look at the momerial cards and think of them.

It is okay if you are move

You grandmother will always be apart of your life

I hope I have helped in someway....

[-Tess-]

Thanks for the awesome advice evryone. It helped heaps

[MarMar]

I feel myself struggling more and more each day.

It's been a great few weeks. I've felt on top of it all, managed everything I've set my mind to, and, well, as always, most of my money's gone. Gonna have to transfer money to T so that I'll have money when we go to Germany next week.

But, today. Yesterday, too. Not so good.

I've got an exam next Thursday. The Germany of Friday till Sunday and then another exam on the Monday. I haven't studied at all. I can't do it. I'm contemplating getting a sick notice from a doctor so that I won't have to do the exam, but I don't know what illness I could fake well enough to get off from two exams, both a week away. But, it's not only that, it's also the thoughts of having to pass these exams if I want/will be able to study next year.

Don't know what to do.

The only thing that makes me "happy" these days, calms me down and is something I manage to concentrate on is crafting. Sewing. Knitting. Anything other than school-stuff. And I can't just keep sewing as I don't need or have room for all the stuff I make myself. And I can't keep throwing it after people I know.

[claire_louise]

You can sell it though, can't you Mar? It's definitely good enough, I'm sure loads of people would be interested. Especially if you take requests!