Support Group

[ms.megan]

Thank you Frankie and Mar I am going to talk to my mum today about it. Oh and her parents haven't done any thing because there family is known to be quit slim and they probably just though she was skinnier because she just had a major growth spurt (6 inches). But I don't know. Frankie she is 14. Thanks again.

[MarMar]

Being skinny or petite or whatever you want to call it is one thing, weighing 35kg at 14 and almost 160cm is quite another.

[Frankie]

Good for you Ms Megan...I think talking to your Mum is really a wise thing to do.I hope your friend is Ok and things work out.

[Skykat]

As someone who has been on the otherside of an eating disorder I can say that your friend definitely needs help and Kyle (from a few posts back) you need to keep a very close eye on your friend too. Eating disorders are a psycological not physical problem and the eating issue can be helped by clinics and stuff but unless the psycological problem is sorted out, your friend is never going to get better. She needs counselling and help, she cannot do this alone and you really have to tell somebody you trust to do something about it. My friend Stu was the first to notice my weight was an issue and he was the one who made he go for help and stuck with me through it. At the time I could have killed him I was so angry with him because I thought he had the problem not me but as I started to come through the other side of the eating disorder I saw him in a completely different light. Now he's my best friend who I would trust with absolutely everything. I still get days now where I feel fat and so on, especially at the moment because I can't exercise properl;y for at least a year but one phone call to him usually sorts my confidence out.

What I'm saying is that short term your frriend might turn against you but it'll be worth it in the long time if she beats the illness because she'll never forget that you're the reason she did it.

[Frankie]

Let us know how you go on megan

[MarMar]

Those who have seen my last poll on LJ might know what this is about. I just need somewhere to vent.

It pisses me off how someone who doesn't even talk to me anymore, who's spent out last conversations complaining and criticizing me, now comes here and expects me to listen, dares to have an opinion on MY life and MY decisions.

[ilovekateritchie]

/\ That blows. I think you should either tell them to stuff it or start giving an opinion about their lives. It usually works when you put the shoe on the other foot, you know. I've done it before and when you start giving out an opinion (usually critisism) then they will ask why you're doing that and then you can say because they do it and then maybe they'll stop.

Or you could just try and ignore it. Hope it gets sorted soon.

[rennyren]

Those who have seen my last poll on LJ might know what this is about. I just need somewhere to vent.

It pisses me off how someone who doesn't even talk to me anymore, who's spent out last conversations complaining and criticizing me, now comes here and expects me to listen, dares to have an opinion on MY life and MY decisions.

I've had exactly the same thing happen to me. Just tell them what you think about them. You don't need people like that in your life. I know it's hard to get up the courage and that kind of stuff, but it's worth it. People like that just bring you down, and from what we've heard of you hun, you definitely don't need that. You may feel mean, or unfair, but just remember that your own happiness is important too.

[Sam =)]

Ms Megan your friend is so unhealty.

I'm 170cm so I know I'm alot taller but I still weighted alot more than that last yr when I went through alot of hard stuff and I lost tones of weight but I was stil way more more that your friend and I ended up colapsing and in hospital because I just couldn't function.

How your friend is is beyond me.

[MarMar]

We have it tight, at the moment, money wise.

I posted a rant on it in LJ yesterday because I needed to get it off my chest. Most people who commented were nice and genuinely tried to help. If people are interested, here's the post:

As I think I've previously said, I have periods where I'm extremely manic, hardly in need of any sleep and food, on top of the world... and, in no control of my money at all. T transfered some money to me a month or so back, compensating me (some) for the work I did at the café (which inevitably led to a major depressive episode, breakdown and an attempt) and told me they were mine to use. I bought a sewing machine. I bought lots of fabric and stuff to do with crafting. I bought books and clothes.

To put it simply, I spent it. Then, we decide to go to England in August, and in order to do that, we need to save money. That means, no eating out (which is ridiculously expensive here - dinner at an Italian restaurant for two is at least NOK400 (with soda/mineral water). That is US$66), no more movies than what we've already "bought" (weekdays are NOK75, US$12.5), etc. He asks me if I can spend some of the money he gave me to help pay for the vacation. I didn't tell him, there and then, that the money was gone, but I put half of May's student loan (last payment of the year) into a different account than I usually use for spending.

We have bills in need of paying - not only car loan, but internet/TV/electricity, credit card bill (which is higher than usual), etc, and the usual stuff we need to spend money on. He has been nagging me a lot lately to get some help. After the fiasco with the doctor's office (still haven't heard from them about the appointment) he said he thinks I should just go to the private practice that I went to with the extreme ring worm last year, and at the same time talk to their psychologist. The way I see it is that we simply cannot afford it if we want to go to England. I need to talk to my usual doctor's office to get that appointment for a new form of contraception as my usual pill is now withdrawn from the market. We cannot afford a consultation at NOK540 (US$89) right now, so no, there is no way we can afford a private psychologist. And I guess the waiting list for a public one is at least a year. They don't even quote prices for psych help... Guess that says it all.

Eiher way, we talked about money and stuff earlier... I didn't tell him the whole truth, because there was no need for it. We've decided that he will take more control over my money and maybe even give me an "allowance". I simply cannot do it myself at the moment. I swing between "depressed" and "manic" as ever before, resulting in shopping sprees every dew days. Not a good place to be, really.

EDIT: my university is a fairly new one. It was a community college till the January before I enrolled (05). It's not big, with app. 6000 students (I think). I posted about getting help from the uni psychologist around x-mas time, and even tried to get some information on this group-therapy-thing. As you might know, I have major problems speaking about my ... problems... in real life. Just wording them is pretty damn difficult and so I thought maybe group-therapy would be the right things, as I wouldn't have to talk if I didn't want to. As it turned out, the group's focus is on problems with studies etc, not mental health issues per se, which I need help for. Of course, this affects my school work, but school work is not what I need help for, at least not first. I also don't think I'd like the psychologist at uni, so instead of, potentially, torture myself through sessions with him, I'd rather choose my own shrink and find one I'm comfortable with,if possible. Just the thought of actually getting help (eg, talk to someone) makes me sick. It probably sound silly, immature, naive and whatnot, but I'd rather have something to "take the edge off" and use craft, LJ and talking to T as my therapy. I don't think I need an educated person to sit and listen to my ramblings. I need something to make me not want to kill myself over trifles and not to be as down as I was the Wednesday before going to Hamburg and Thursday this week when all I could do was cry and trying not to breathe.

My point is, I guess, my uni cannot really do anything for me. Unis here are not like they are (or at least seem to be) in the US. The semester has also ended, so people will be on holiday from now till August, more or less. If I fail, which I'm pretty sure I have, I might not go back.

Then, a girl I know, and have met in rl, who I consider one of my closest friends, says that she's rather see me get help than meet me in England this August. I think it's a really nice thing to say, but at the same time she said that I should "listen to her and make the wisest choice", which, to me, is like the most bad thing to say at the moment. She also claimed that "retail therapy" is no good, which it is not, but when did I ever write that I "used" that as a substitute for the real deal. What I said was that I have, in my most recent manic phase, spent two month's worth of student loan (the money T gave me) and that I cannot control my spending. I did not say that I will continue to do so, quite the opposite, as he's agreed to control my money for me and, basically, there's no money to spend.

I posted this this morning:

Ok, to make the situation a bit more comprehensible, money-wise. Although I appreciate the comments to my last entry, I feel I need to break this down a bit.

Why we cannot afford therapy at the moment

We have NOK1500 till the end of June (US$249).

I need to go to the doctor if I want to have the option of having sex. With "public" doctors you can only talk about one thing during an appointment as they set aside 10 minutes of each patient. The doctor's office I "belong" to has at least 5000 patients. There are no doctors in my city with openings at the moment. So, doctor's appointment costs app. NOK150 (US$24). Prescription costs some, not sure how much, lets say NOK30 (US$5). I want to change to NuvaRing, which costs NOK309 (US$51) for 3 months.

That makes us down to NOK1011 (US$168). And now I'm not including gas money, etc.

Problem with this is that the doctor's office still hasn't replied to my request for an appointment, that I made last Friday. I simply cannot call them due to my anxiety, so I'll have to drive over there, which is halfway to the city and talk to them if I want them to actually get back to me.

Therefore, we "have" the option of going to the private clinic which is within walking distance.

An appointment there costs NOK540 (US$89), but as far as know, they don't limit your time with them.

Sine my doctor's office has a lot of patients, there might be an extremely long waiting list. The private doctor can have you in at the same day.

Therapy, or, getting help from a psychologist, is at least a year's wait, if you don't want to pay to go to one that is covered by tax money. Tax pays for most of the costs of doctor's visit, but you still have to pay some yourself. The private clinic has a psychologist, but they don't even list a price, but a quick Google search tells me that a 1/2 or 1 hour long session with a psychologist costs NOK265 (US$44). So, following the price difference on regular public doctor's appointment and the private clinic, that makes the private psychologist cost NOK1145 (US$190).

Put simple, if I want to both get a prescription for a new birth control method, and actually buying said birth control, and have an initial session with a psychologist, it'll cost us NOK1995 (US$331), which leaves us at -NOK494 (US$82) and I think we all know that it's pretty much impossible to spend money you don't have.

That's how wonderful it is to live in "the richest country in the world".

I hope you can understand that I feel going on vacation (having something to look forward to) and crafting (doing something constructive) is more economic and worth-while (at the moment). It's not about "retail therapy" because there is no money to spend on other stuff than necessities at the moment. There is no money for new clothes or dying my hair or going out for a meal or a new movie on DVD or anything. We only have 1500kr and that will have to cover pretty much everything till June 30.

Sorry for ranting on.