Support Group

[Reo]

Deleted

[MarMar]

Emmasi - I know so well how you feel. Sorry that I cannot be of anymore help.

Same goes for you, Reo. I'm sorry you're hurting

[emmasi]

I don't like leaving my house unless someone is with me - even if it's just a taxi driver... I didn't even take out my garbage bin last night because I was convinced that one of my neighbours would see me, and think I was a freak for not doing it in the day time... So now I get to keep my garbage (which includes a dead snake...) for another week. Goodie.

I also don't like going out unless I have a specific plan for where I'm going. I feel like, if I don't know what I'm doing, other people will know that I don't know what I'm doing and they'll judge me for it - they'll think I'm stupid. And I feel stupid, but I don't want THEM to know that...

I told my sister that I thought I might have agrophobia because of this, and she sent me into a small supermarket to do my weekly shopping by myself... I almost had a panic attack because some old lady was standing in front of the chicken nuggets and I couldn't get to them ... but I DID get to them eventually, and completed my shopping in about five minutes, lol - as quickly as possible!! I think I might have been shaking when I got to the register . So anyway, my sister asked me "Did you get it done?" and I said yes... and she said "Well you don't have agrophobia then." Just to check, she sent me into the fish and chip shop to wait for our lunch... I was so unbelievably uncomfortable. There was a bench in there, and I sat down. Then an old man came in, and there was space for him on the bench, but I didn't know if I should stand up anyway - what if he wasn't sitting down because he didn't want to look like he was trying to get close to a young girl!? So I stood up, and stood in front of the drink fridge... immediately panicking that I was in EVERYONE's way... The old guy sat down, by the way... and then some pregnant lady came in so it was just as well that I got up... and they were chatting to each other, and they knew the fish and chip people, and I felt so completely isolated and out of place - like I shouldn't be there... It was so uncomfortable...

And, ugh, that was all just one hour in my life...

I get what you mean about being a disappointment to your family... Mine are all checking up on me now, because once I told my sister she told everyone, so now they all know that I'm stupid and lazy and blaming a "mental illness" for my choice not to fit in with the rest of the world... it's so bloody hard to convince people that you can't help it, especially when you're not convinced yourself...

I had a dream last night - a nightmare - that my parents came back from holiday and saw that I hadn't done the housework. They immediately started ripping into me, calling me lazy and selfish... and then I started shouting at them that I couldn't help it - it's the depression that makes me feel like I can't do anything... and they said that was just a pathetic excuse for me to get out work... Then I cried, and came online, and they yelled at me for that too, saying that all I ever do is go online and write stupid stories that I can't even make money from - I'm worthless... then I cried some more, and read a reply on my fic from Belle, who told me that she loved my writing and loved having me as a friend, and for me to realise my self-worth, I'd have to move out of home... she actually wrote this in point form, and points 3-19 were "LEAVE HOME!!" ... and with my parents bitching at me on the sidelines, I'm starting to think that this dream was telling me in no uncertain terms what I need to do...

But then I get back to the "agrophobia" which involves me liking to be alone and have my own space... for me to move out with my friends (which is the only real option right now) I'd have someone in my house all the time... and probably a lot of their friends too, which would make me uncomfortable. Even hypothetically, I'm wondering if I should take all my possessions with me because I automatically assume that *someone* is going to be in that house who's going to want to steal from me... even though it never happened to me personally the last time I was in a share house situation...

Man, sorry for making this all about me again. The point was to say that you're not alone . This thread is good for that...

[Oxidizer]

Not really looking for "support" but more of an opinion.

At the beginning of the year I was walking down the street of Camden, when this presumed model agency person apporached me n' said that I could be a model if I was slimmer. I was slim at the time, but now...

Ever since I've been living on cereal (2-3 bowls a day) and have lost quite a lot of weight, and it's becoming slightly addictive. Like I'm never satisfied until I'm skinnier etc. Anyway, I thought I was average size ('cause that's what it looks like to me), but I got a few people saying that I'm a bit too skinny, so I took a picture about 10 minutes ago, and I was a little surprised.

I've been accused of being anorexic but I really don't think I am. I mean, dude, I eat (just extremely low calorie stuff). So yeah, here's my waist now. Am I average or what? 'Cause I really can't tell.

[emmasi]

Well.. I'd say that you do *look* skinny, but the important question is, do you feel healthy? Can you do stuff without getting tired? Do you eat when you're hungry? Do you feel sick after you eat, or do you need to make yourself throw up?

I've said before that the "too skinny" label is just as hurtful and subjective as "too fat." I'm overweight, and my only real problem with it is my image... I don't necessarily *feel* unhealthy because of my weight, but it affects me because I'm aware of how other people judge me... I'd like to be skinner to "look" better, but according to the doctor my cholestoral and all that is normal... so...

Oops, making it about me again

Okay Andy, my personal opinion from that photo is you do look skinny, but unless you actually feel unhealthy or notice yourself lacking energy or anything like that... I wouldn't worry about what other people think. You probably should be taking vitamins or something if all you're eating is cereal though... but I can't really talk... *eats chicken nuggets*

[~Lynd~]

It's a bit hard to tell from that pic,IMO.2-3 bowls of cereal a day isn't much though,it doesnt sound healthy.

Maybe if it's something you're really concerned about you can see a dietician who can put you on a decent meal plan.

[Oxidizer]

Do you eat when you're hungry? Do you feel sick after you eat, or do you need to make yourself throw up?

I eat when I'm hungry but not if I [think I] look big or whatever; if that makes sense? I'd be honest here, I probably would make myself throw up, but I hate being sick.

I do feel healthy though, and I'm hardly ever tired. Although sometimes feel dizzy, but that's the days when I eat a cereal bar a day, so kinda understandable.

It's a bit hard to tell from that pic

I know, it's blurry and makes me look a fair bit bigger than I am. You can see the outline of my ribs and the bones on my hips stick out a bit for real though. (And those jeans are baggy, but not in a bad way, they're supposed to be like that )

I guess I'm happy being the size I am, it's just sometimes I feel like I could be slimmer, y'know? Like whenever I lose weight, I wanna lose more, and then more etc. Kinda competative against myself - hard to explain.

[emmasi]

I get ya.

Well... eating a cereal bar a day and getting dizzy isn't good... and trust me, you do not need to lose weight. If you're happy being the size you are, that's fine, but you don't sound happy... you sound like you still want to be thinner, which you don't need to be at all...

My advise would be to go to a doctor or a wieght loss clinic, so you can find out your ideal weight and they can help you to maintain it safely

[Oxidizer]

That sounds pretty sensible. Thanks, Jem.

[~Lynd~]

I agree with Jem,find out what you weigh,what you shold weigh and work from there.