Support Group

HeavenForbid · July 23, 2007

Well, Cal, that is a hell of a lot to deal with!

You did excellent in your summer exams. You really did, considering you were sick a lot last year. As regards to what your parents are saying about the LC, they obvious don’t remember how stressful it was! It would be extremely stressful for someone who was in school for a full school year (like me) but even more so, for someone who missed a lot. I would try to sit them down and explain how you feel. I know and understand why you don’t want too, but without talking to them, issues like these will never be sorted out. Make sure they listen to you and understand where you are coming from.

They tell you to do what interests you, yes? Well, as you said, the computer does. Explain to them that you have had a hard time with the move and everything. So, you have now an interest in the computer. You like it! You have fun on it. I would be brutal when telling them how you feel and think.

This is the summertime. When school starts back up at the end of August, then start to worry about the LC. That is what I am trying to do. As for now, enjoy the rest of your summer and try to ignore what your parents say to you about school and stuff. You don't need all the pressure you are getting from them.

Good Luck!

Ashirr-Leigh · July 23, 2007

Cal, can i just firstly just say that I think you're very, very brave!

Seems to me that you have quite alot to deal with and yeah, you might rant about it, but it's better to do that than to bottle it up and make it worse.

With parents, it's always tricky. They obviously want to push you to do well but then sometimes they take it too far. Maybe they just feel like if they don't push you the way they do, you'll feel like they're not interested in you. It's tough.

Ah, I don't want to make any assumptions about your parents but maybe they're being so hard on you because they're not happy with the way they've done things in the past or are doing things now and don't want you to make the same mistake?

Just want to let you know that there's always people around to talk to. I, for one, would welcome a PM or something if you feel like you need to talk because it's better to do that than not at all!

Cal · July 24, 2007

Thanks, Guys.

I'll just try and ignore the bad comments and annoying-ness. I'll keep you guys updated!

emmasi · July 25, 2007

For four months I've been preparing for the possibility that my parents may not come home from holiday. No reason they shouldn't, except for my general paranoia. A week ago, I accepted that they WOULD be back, so then the paranoia shifted from my parents being dead and me being forced to survive on my own for the first time in my life, to the knowledge that my parents would be back here to criticise everything I do. My stomach feels tight just having them in the room. Am I typing too loud?? Random meaningless crap that all adds up to one thing - I'm worthless, I'll always be worthless, and I don't deserve to live...

On my own, I rarely have these thoughts. It's only when I think about what other people will say, and what they do say, when they're around me. Maybe I shouldn't have gone off those pills so hastily, but... I don't know. Better to be a self-centered psychopath who's a social alcoholic, rather than a self-centered psychopath who's a prescription drug-addict to boot...

It mostly comes from not knowing what people want from me. If I stay here, I'm a pathetic lay-about bludging off my parents. If I move out, I'm a spineless parasite who's running out on them once the money's dried up (my dad's currently between jobs...). There's no way to win. Well, except for me getting a job, but short of showing up to every interview, shift, and office party blind drunk, I don't see me having any kind of confidence to do that. But maybe that is the answer... to go through "life" in a mild state of sedation. It seems to be the only thing that's worked for me so far.

So what if I'm an alcoholic? I can choose that. I can choose it to get me through the day... I can't choose to be a healthy happy person. Whatever's going on in my head that makes it impossible for me to be normal, and not want to literally run whenever someone gets too close to me for too long... I can't CHOOSE to make that go away on my own... All I can do is... well, nothing. Nothing at all really. I just have to endure this as best I can, along with all the brutal slander that gets thrown at me from every conceivable direction...

Jeez, sorry to go on such a rant. It's just that I sometimes feel like I'd be happier out in the middle of the bush shivering in a dark cave somewhere... It's how I feel emotionally most of the time, so that wouldn't change, but physically... at least I'd be free.

Oxidizer · July 26, 2007

I'm worthless, I'll always be worthless, and I don't deserve to live...

That makes me sad.

I hope you don't feel like that, because you really are an incredible person, Jem.

July 26, 2007

I know this guy Trent and he's my friend but we never use to talk to each other and now he says hi to me every day and well I sometimes say hi back but sometimes I dont because I don't wanna make it something it's not.

I kinda think he's obessessed with me.

Do you think he's obessed with me or am I imaging things?

Plz help I don't know what to do

dsingles · July 26, 2007

Maybe he's just growing up and realising that ignoring people isn't the way to go. I don't think ignoring him is very friendly but then again I'm one of these people that would say hello to everyone and it doesn't mean that I'm obsessed with them. I think you are being a little bit paranoid but just be careful cause you don't want to give him the wrong idea but saying accasionally isn't going to do that xxx

Mod Edit: Topic moved to support thread.

Big Brother · July 27, 2007

This is Big Brother. Big Brother would like to post on behalf of another member to sheild their identity.

"The past few weeks, for periods of two to three days I've sporadically been bursting into fits of tears for no apparent reason. During these periods, I've been getting increasingly paranoid and insecure about situations and asking people about how they feel about me.....almost like I crave some sort of acceptance. But what I say can lead people to then get upset themselves, thinking that they are causing me some sort of problem which really isn't the case....often, as soon as I've said whatever I'm thinking I realise how ridiculous it sounds.

What scares me is that I'm getting deeply upset for no apparent reason or for reasons that are products of my own insecure imagination. I'm scared that these feelings are going to push people away as they get tired with my constant need for acceptance and/or get offended by what I'm saying. Whats going with me?"

emmasi · July 27, 2007

^If you ever work that one out, let me know. As a fellow insecure type, in fear of driving people away, the only advice I can give is, when you want to ask someone whether or not they still like you or anything like that, just have a mock conversation in your head, and try to imagine what the other person would say. If you can reassure yourself without having to ask them to do it, they won't get so annoyed. Of course that doesn't always work, as it's sometimes impossible to see our own good points when we're so focussed on the bad, but it might help to try and see what your friends see in you rather than asking them to tell you. They'll tell you how they feel by staying around you. If they really didn't want to be near you, they wouldn't be.

That said, you should probably talk to a counsellor just to find out what triggers the crying and the really paranoid moments. Mine's a belief that I'm a bourden to everyone around me. I do often say that and people get annoyed, and then it's a self-fulfilling prophecy...

In short, I can't help you, but a counsellor may be able to. You should also see a doctor and make sure that it's not a hormone thing... I've heard crying is a hormone thing. It does irritate me when people put everything down to that though...

I'm worthless, I'll always be worthless, and I don't deserve to live...
That makes me sad.

I hope you don't feel like that, because you really are an incredible person, Jem.

Thanks Andy. You one of the twinkling stars in my dark, desolate universe.

My friend let me tag along to a job networking place where they have all these special conditions for people with a disability, including depression and anxiety and the like. The lady there said that once I'm on Centerlink, I should be able to get an assessment done on how well I'd be able to handle a job under normal conditions. If it's not well, then I can apply for disability "rehabilitation" so I'll almost literally have someone holding my hand throughout a job search, and then have them there to yell at my employers if they're mean to me, lol. It's a little bit pathetic, but it may be the only way for me to handle it.

I mentioned it to my parents. Stupid thing to do. You mention "disability" around them, and they look at you like you've just murdered the Prime Minister's first born child, and sold their blood to the Iraqis... In another words, "cheating" the government is frowned upon (even though they hate the government). I'd be actively searching for a job the whole time and getting training to become better, it would just be at my own pace so that I didn't have a nervouse breakdown over the whole thing. But of course, that's just me being lazy and not wanting to do things for myself... I WANT the government's help, and the stigma of being "disabled" in the workplace... yeah, I WANT that sooo much...

Anyway... My mum gave me $50 yesterday. I spent half of it on booze. So now I feel terrible about that, even though I only wanted to drink to escape the stress at home, lol. I told her to take it back out of my bank account (which is her money anyway)...

It's just too hard to know what's right and wrong. Do I try to get help or do I learn to toughen up and do things for myself? The latter option really does sound more appealing to me... except that I'm not tough, and if I tried to be, I'd probably be TOO tough... and I don't want to be that person. Besides, who would be the whipping girl then?

I heard this on the radio yesterday, and it sounded so perfectly appropriate to me that I couldn't believe someone else was singing these things. I'm told it's a remake but... why would Green Day, one of my favourite bands, release it if the universe wasn't trying to tell ME that I'm not alone...?

Working Class Hero

As soon as you're born they make you feel small

By giving you no time instead of it all

Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all