Support Group

[Zetti]

I am so confused, one minute my parents are fine and getting on, and then just after I started school they started arguing and I had to concentrate on exams and so I moved in with my uncle and that was good for a while but then he had a holiday planned and i got shifted about, my sisters were grilling me to come home but I couldnt, I didnt need all this arguing, anyway, I went home a couple of weeks ago but my parents argued even more and now I dont know what to do as they are getting worse

Please help!!

[emmasi]

I was watching a kid with his parents in a restaurant tonight. They were so happy. They loved him so much, and they laughed when he did, and he never stopped laughing... He was just a kid, enjoying life, and his parents were genuinely happy for that.

I was watching, thinking of how simple life used to be, and maybe it was the two beers I'd sunk, but I almost cried.

[Marieh]

I am so confused, one minute my parents are fine and getting on, and then just after I started school they started arguing and I had to concentrate on exams and so I moved in with my uncle and that was good for a while but then he had a holiday planned and i got shifted about, my sisters were grilling me to come home but I couldnt, I didnt need all this arguing, anyway, I went home a couple of weeks ago but my parents argued even more and now I dont know what to do as they are getting worse

Please help!!

I remember my parents fighting alot after both my sisters moved from home, this is 6 years ago, I was 11 and cried every night because I was afraid that my parents would split. It got so bad that I one day called my sister, crying because they were fighting. She called them and told them what I was thinking and that I was crying.

Parents never talked to me about it, but after my sister called them it stopped. Maybe it's just a small period of time. For my parents it was all about money...

Can't really remember them fighting like that since then. Of course they have small fights now and then, but they're not big and usually they dont hide them from me like then..

--

You should talk to them about them fighting. Sit down with them and tell them how you feel when they fight and that you don't want to stay at home when they do it. They should listen to you and you should ask them if they want their fighting affecting your school work because you find it hard studying for your exam when they are fighting like that.

[Pierced Musie]

Not so serious thingie here but I need help. There was a family gathering yesterday and we were out in the sun most of the day. This is bad for me because I am not used to being out there (I prefer indoors).

Now my back is burning like crazy and I don't know what to do. Anyone got a suggestion on how to help it heal?

[Frankie]

Not so serious thingie here but I need help. There was a family gathering yesterday and we were out in the sun most of the day. This is bad for me because I am not used to being out there (I prefer indoors).

Now my back is burning like crazy and I don't know what to do. Anyone got a suggestion on how to help it heal?

Lashings of calamine lotion if its red but not blistering....... and/or or aloe vera if it is really burned....or get something called burneeze spray from your chemist if the pain is really bad...

[Pierced Musie]

I feel like such an idiot. In my defence it was ****ing hot and we had hardly any shade!

[kitty_baby777]

My best friend did something i never thought she'd do and i'm not sure she knows i know.

She's been staying at my place for a few days as she often does and she went out today becourse i had something on but she said she'd be back.

By 8.30 she still wasn't here so i called her at home and she answered.I said thanks for the consideration it astounds me.She often does what she likes without telling people and i told her one day somethng might happen to her and nobody will know becourse one day nobody's gojng to call to check she's ok just thinking she's at the other house.She's like ok but i left you a message but that was a lie becourse i checked.

Anyway the line went silent and i thought she'd hung up but then heard her talking to someone on her end saying how i want her to stay down there all week and as if she would and that i was practically forcing her to go to a concert of a band she doesn't really like.I was pretty hurt by the behind the scenes bitching so hung up,i'm not even sure she knows i was still there.

I don't force her to stay with me and she said she'd go to the concert which i'm paying for.I know her mum already thinks she spends to much time down here and i'm to reliant on her which isn't how it is.She's always said she's defended me against her mum but now i'm not sure.She's onlyy added fuel to the fire.Anyway when she does stay here she makes a mess of my unit,sleeps all day and eats all my food so i'm not gaining much by letting her.

Am i being to sensitive?Mum think's we've been friends to long for this to bother this and it'll blow over,she'll call and act like nothing happened.I'm not sure i can act like nothing happened,i don't like feeling like 'm being walked all over but i don't want to lose our friendship either...

Friends can drive you crazy. I have just fallen out with an online pal that I used to be really close to. She's started hanging out online with this other girl that I don't like and she expects us all to hang out together and got mad at me when I wouldn't hang out with them. This is partly because I know she'll ignore me when this other girl is around. She says she's my friend but I think she just wants me for when she has no one else to hang out with. Not like me I value all my friends both on and offline. Oh well I guess I'm better off without her but it still hurts.

[emmasi]

If I've learned one thing about friendships, it's that they never last. If you're having fun with a person, that's great, but if they turn on you and you don't feel like bending over backwards to win them back, then don't. You'll know if they're worth it, and if they're not, then it's their loss.

I should point out that I'm in a very bitter mood right now, so you should probably take that with a grain of salt. It has been my experience though.

This should probably be in the moan thread, or nowhere at all, but screw it. Have you ever been in a situation that you were so close to walking away from, but then you felt bad because you thought that someone else needed you for moral support, and you did say you'd be there, even though you weren't actually doing anything, but then you did do something and the situation changed and suddenly you've got a whole bunch of people ticked off at you and there's nothing else for it but to be ticked off right back, and then that simple little situation that you were so close to leaving peacefully has got a strangle-hold on you and you feel like you should either fight back and get more chunks torn out of you, or just go limp and let it take you down with it, but either way there's no hope in hell of getting out of it in one piece? I've got that right now.

[Frankie]

If I've learned one thing about friendships, it's that they never last. If you're having fun with a person, that's great, but if they turn on you and you don't feel like bending over backwards to win them back, then don't. You'll know if they're worth it, and if they're not, then it's their loss.

I should point out that I'm in a very bitter mood right now, so you should probably take that with a grain of salt. It has been my experience though.

This should probably be in the moan thread, or nowhere at all, but screw it. Have you ever been in a situation that you were so close to walking away from, but then you felt bad because you thought that someone else needed you for moral support, and you did say you'd be there, even though you weren't actually doing anything, but then you did do something and the situation changed and suddenly you've got a whole bunch of people ticked off at you and there's nothing else for it but to be ticked off right back, and then that simple little situation that you were so close to leaving peacefully has got a strangle-hold on you and you feel like you should either fight back and get more chunks torn out of you, or just go limp and let it take you down with it, but either way there's no hope in hell of getting out of it in one piece? I've got that right now.

As to the second part... yes I think most of us have been in that situation... its bloody frustrating.. and exhausting. A few months back I found myself running around like a headless chook thinking I was being a very helpful friend and supportive etc.. over something they repeatedly said they needed my help with. I was unquestioning in my support. My partner wrily commented I was doing all their donkey work and they were capable of doing it themselves. When I suggested to my friends that I was exhausted and could do with some help... one replied they were not that bothered but thought I was... I had misread the situation entirely... and so had they.. I was furious at myself at the time... but we can laugh about it now. I also realised I was using all this rushing around to avoid dealing with some other issues in my life which were actually far more important.

As to the first... sometimes friends say things we don't want to hear... some times they hold views totally diametrically opposed to our own.. ...it does not mean they are any less our friend... sometimes it means they are more your friend that the people who just tell you what you think you want to hear...but that's human. When we are feeling lousy... its easy to interpret what are normal differences of opinion... the hurly burly of every day life... as slights and rejections. I do it... everyone does it.

Take this scenario.... you have one hell of a lousy day, you are in a foul mood, and are walking down the street, you see someone you know well. They walk past and apparrently ignore you.

There are two reactions you could have to this.. the unhelpful and the helpful(to you that is .. and how you are feeling). The unhelpful. reaction is to think ....."they ignored me, they don't like me, they don't want to talk to me"; you then feel even more lousy than you were before; you might get a stomach ache, a head ache, have a panic attack; you go home and vow never to speak to them again as they obviously don't value your friendship. The Helpful reaction.. . is to think "mmmm...... he/she looked a bit preoccupied, its not like them, I wonder if there is something wrong". You don't feel bad about yourself, just concerned about your friend. Later when you get home you give them a ring and say Hi, just checking to see you are OK. The trick is to recognise when they negative unhelpful reaction is kicking in and to challenge it.

Of course there will occasionally be people who are idiots and who are not worth the effort... but a real friend will always understand.. and will accept and respect that you have a different view to them... and thats OK. One of my best friend holds political views as far from mine as they could possibly get... but it does not interfere with our friendship.. as we respect each others right to an opinion. The world would be a dull and boring place if we all thought the same.If your friends are indeed abandoning you because you don't think like them on every subject.. then you are right they are not worth it... but like I said.. real friends don't reject each other over differences of opinion.

[emmasi]

real friends don't reject each other over differences of opinion.

No, they don't. They also don't shift the issue to ignore the argument.

I understand that everyone has their own stuff, but when it's a matter of solid facts - facts that get repeatedly ignored because they don't fit in with some people's opinion - then it can get mighty frustrating for a person who's trying to make a valid opposing argument. Then friends have to wonder if their own opinion, opposing or not, matters to the other person at all. And if it doesn't... where do you go from there?

My best friend is a Satanist. I'm a Christian. We're your original odd couple. We have discussions about it all the time - and she usally makes more sesne because she's read more about religion than I have - but the only time I get upset with her is when she refuses to hear my side of it. So I have no problem with friends disagreeing, I just have a problem with being ignored. If it happens at random on a street somehwere, sure I'd give them the benifit of not hearing me and/or being too focused on something more important at the time. But if it happens in the middle of a conversation that they just suddenly decide to stop listening, then I'm going to be pretty upset about it.

Ah stomach pains, I know them well.