Support Group

[Oxidizer]

I don't know. I used to be happy just being slim but then I was told I could model clothes if I lost some more weight. It's a self-competitive thing now though, it's not 'satisfying' enough and I'm frightened of putting on weight, which is probably as stupid as it sounds.

Though I admit I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud or whatever when I see that eating less paid off. I practically laughed with relief when the doctor told me my bmi, which probably made him advise me to put on weight.

[alexx]

Ah ok. I didn’t think male models were required to be skin and bone!

I guess if your happy within yourself and it isn’t harming you physically or mentally, and you feel in control...its all good right?

[Oxidizer]

The guy who said I could be wasn't even a real scout. All he said about his 'work' was that he was looking for people to model clothes and that it was his job. He didn't mention anything else and I knew he was just a wind-up merchant or having a laugh but it really made me think 'Do I need to lose weight?'. I mean, why else would he have said it? Fair enough, this happened while I was at Camden back in March, and a lot of the clothes sold there are for slim people, but I still knew it was bull. I just laughed it off at first but then made myself sick after I ate later that evening in case I was overweight. Back then I was average boarding on skinny. Since then I just get competitive about being slimmer, like it isn't enough. It's not empowering or a feeling of control but very rewarding. I dunno how to explain it.

ETA: I do feel stupid for having let what was a joke make me feel this way but that was the first and only time I ever chucked up. And I ain't ever had a desire to be a model, though now they do fascinate me, to the point where I do what I call 'obscure' stuff which is just close-up shots of shoulder blades etc. as a paid favour to people I know who find that stuff artistic. It's not professional but it's not dodgy.

[Cal]

Andy, just be careful!

It's fine to be skinny, just as long as you have no mental or physical problems during it. The main thing you want to do is to watch out for malnutrition (scary thought, I know, but I got it). If you only eat, lets say, once a day, make sure it's good and not junk. Try and balance it out. The last thing you want is to be put in to hospital/clinic with a drip feed up your nose. Believe me, it's not nice.

I'm trying to put on weight, so maybe I'm not the best person to give advice... but I thought I'd share a opinion or two. Shoot me if you will.

But hey, as long as your OK, that's the main thing.

[emmasi]

It didn't sound dodgy until you said "it's not dodgy"

Honestly I think you have a problem with food, but that's just my opinion and I'm not going to preach at you because I have all kinds of problems myself. You just seem paranoid, which is something I know a looot about... but not quite enough to make it go away. The best advice I can give is to just do what makes you happy, and not live for other people. You didn't think you were too fat until some random loser implied it - so why kill yourself over the throw-away opinion of some guy who's never going to see you again? Definitely easier said than done when you've let his opinion become your opinion... I know that feeling too. People like to tell you what you SHOULD be, and it's only because they can't stand themselves. They want to break everyone else down so that they can feel superior. I'm getting a bit fired up right now because I know the feeling, and I don't want to see you take things too far and hurt yourself over something some jealous no-body has said. Grrrrr I hate humans sometimes.

Anyway... I can relate to your problem in reverse. I eat too much (or at least the wrong sort of food) to make sure that I'm as unnatractive on the outside as I feel on the inside, that way people won't want to get close enough to me to hurt me... Like I said, paranoid. I actually think that I could be very attractive physically, but I'm too scared to go to the trouble of losing weight only to find out that my body was never the problem - it's ME as a person that people don't want to be around...

Applying that to you... you might think that people will only find you attractive if your as thin as that one guy said you should be, and if you don't keep losing weight no one will ever love you.... paaaaaraaanoiiiid... But again, just my obscure opinion at 3am

Still, it works the oppsoite way too. As I've said before, if you genuinely don't feel sick or concerned yourself, then don't let people tell you you SHOULD based simply on how you look.

Now you've made me hungry. Good one.

[Oxidizer]

Thanks, dude. I'm as careful as can be and eat healthy. I have a bowl of cereal and a bottle of water a day, so I make sure when I do eat it's not junk.

I think it might be slightly psychological as when I look in the mirror sometimes I think I've put on weight but when I take a picture and look back I'm kind of shocked at how skinny I am, but then I feel that kind of 'It paid off!' feeling again.

I'm trying to put on weight, so maybe I'm not the best person to give advice... but I thought I'd share a opinion or two.

I think I remember you mentioning about having to put on weight and that you were in hospital a while back. I'm hope you're getting better now. It sounded pretty rough [understatement].

I eat too much (or at least the wrong sort of food) to make sure that I'm as unnatractive on the outside as I feel on the inside, that way people won't want to get close enough to me to hurt me.

That's actually really saddening. I think you're right about us being paranoid, and it's not 'could be' attractive, you are attractive!

[alexx]

But man be sure to check your height and weight stats – maybe the doctor told you to put on weight because you are unhealthily underweight for your height, which is actually just as unhealthy as being too over-weight for your height and body type…etc It puts a lot of strain on your organs if you are underweight.

I know what you mean about being paranoid about the way you look, I sometimes look in the mirror and think I look 40 years older than I am, and it freaks me out!

[Oxidizer]

The doctor weighed and measured me last week and told me yesterday that my BMI was 16 and that it wasn't a good thing. Apparently I'm underweight, but I don't feel it.

I know what you mean about being paranoid about the way you look, I sometimes look in the mirror and think I look 40 years older than I am, and it freaks me out!

I know what you mean. I think it's because for some reason it's in our heads that we think we look a certain way and then because of that feel it.

[claire_louise]

Thanks, dude. I'm as careful as can be and eat healthy. I have a bowl of cereal and a bottle of water a day, so I make sure when I do eat it's not junk.

I think it might be slightly psychological as when I look in the mirror sometimes I think I've put on weight but when I take a picture and look back I'm kind of shocked at how skinny I am, but then I feel that kind of 'It paid off!' feeling again.

Andy, are you serious? That's really all you eat in a day? I have no idea how you're managing to stand up straight, let alone live a normal life. Please take your doctor's advice and try to eat more - the body needs a certain amount of calories a day to function properly, it's nothing to do with weight. In answer to your question about whether they can force you to have treatment, yes, they can, but only if they decide that your illness has made you mentally unstable (in other words, they would have to section you). If they think you're not capable of making a rational decision about your health, they'll eventually have to make it for you. Please don't let things get that far. I'm sending out all my positive thoughts for you!

[Oxidizer]

Aww, cheers. That's sweet of you.

But yeah, that's all I eat. It's just I get it into my head that I'll put on weight if I eat any more and feel kind of guilty for eating that. Sometimes I feel faint but that's only when I wake up and after 10 minutes feel fine. Other than that, I'm quite energetic and restless, and don't feel weak.

That's kinda scary about the doctor thing. I think next time they weight me I'm going to have to stand down hard on the scales or something but make my upper body look relaxed.