Support Group

[claire_louise]

To the person Dan posted on behalf of:

If it was me, I'd keep out of it for now. This woman obviously has a lot to deal with, so starting an affair or leaving her husband at such a confusing time is a terrible idea and something she'd probably live to regret. I think you should try to avoid contact until she's had time to sort herself out and decide how she really feels. If her marriage isn't working it will eventually come to an end with or without your involvement and, like you said, you don't want to be seen as a 'homewrecker'. If they do end up separating and it's definitely over, then you might (and it's a big 'might') be able to start something, if you're absolutely sure it's what you both want. But do take a lot of time to think things through before you get into anything. I really think that for now, having some space from each other is the best thing.

[emmasi]

A friend of mine went through a similar thing. She was cheating on her husband with another woman, and he left her. She then broke up with the woman becase she wanted her husband back. After a long time, and having to deal with him sewing his own wild oats (which she DID NOT like...) they eventually got back together because they had two young kids to think of as well, and they were both happier living together as a family.

The kids here are the main thing to think about. Whatever your feelings are for this woman, you have to remember that getting involved with her means getting involved with her kids too. Even if they're older, unless your friend has an obviously bad relationship with her husband, they will probably blame you for breaking up their family. You need to be prepared to deal with that before you even consider going forward with this.

If your friend is prepared to leave her husband at all, then that's what she should do BEFORE she gets involved with anyone else. If she seriously thinks that her relationship with him is unsalvagable, then that's a whole different matter from what she feels for you. Get her to seperate those feelings; don't let her leave him FOR you, let her leave him because she's not happy with him and can't pretend anymore that she is. That way, whatever happens with your relationship after that, you can't be held responsible for her decisions, which have the potential to affect a lot of people, not just the two of you.

[MarMar]

I think I am developing agoraphobia in a larger scale than before. I have for a long time had days where I don't want to go outside and I feel incapable of going to stores and such on my own as opposed to days with high confidence.

Yesterday I was upstairs in my new craft-room sewing. It has a window facing out to the street, so you can see everyone coming and going. A 4WD pulled onto the street, with two men inside, looking for something. They must have parked further up the street, because soon they were walking towards one of the neighbors. They rang the doorbell and must have talked to the people living there for a while, before they come back out and soon after I hear the doorbell ring. I stop sewing and hides under the desk. Yes, I know this is silly of me. I sat absolutely still for closer to 30 minutes, afraid they might hear me. When I dared move again, I went downstairs to our apartment and made sure all the curtains were shut tight. There is a window in the bathroom and a window in the hall outside the bathroom (both just above ground level) that doesn't have any curtains at the moment since we're redecorating, so I had to make sure no one could peep in through those. I then hurried to the bedroom and hid under the duvet.

I have a ticket for a play/musical act at the theater today in 40 minutes, uni-related, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to go. I'm still scared someone's outside or that there is someone who's gonna follow me if I go out.

[Pierced Musie]

To the person who Dan posted for:

Just to make it clear, it definitely isn't you who is the marriage wrecker. Saying that she would give up her husband just shows that she is very selfish and hasn't thought about the consequences, unlike you.

I'm with the others who have said keep out of it. There are quite a few big reasons why you should not be tempted by your friend.

I hate to say it but if the husband doesn't know that his wife is bi, then it would be worse for him to be dumped and find out that she has shacked up with another woman. I assume it would take a major hit to his pride and it could lead to aggressive behaviour. I think that still applies even if he does know about her bi tendencies.

The other problem is the kids. If she went through we leaving her family, she could end up losing her children because of it.

There is another thing that is strange to me. I could be wrong but from what you have said, your friend sounds like she is looking for a way out of her marriage. To say that she would leave her husband shows that she doesn't care about him. If she can give up her husband like that, think about the future and if she gets like that with you.

Because you post on here, I'm willing to say that you are intelligent and strong enough to get through this and you'll make the right choice.

Good luck and take care

[Pierced Musie]

I think I am developing agoraphobia in a larger scale than before. I have for a long time had days where I don't want to go outside and I feel incapable of going to stores and such on my own as opposed to days with high confidence.

Yesterday I was upstairs in my new craft-room sewing. It has a window facing out to the street, so you can see everyone coming and going. A 4WD pulled onto the street, with two men inside, looking for something. They must have parked further up the street, because soon they were walking towards one of the neighbors. They rang the doorbell and must have talked to the people living there for a while, before they come back out and soon after I hear the doorbell ring. I stop sewing and hides under the desk. Yes, I know this is silly of me. I sat absolutely still for closer to 30 minutes, afraid they might hear me. When I dared move again, I went downstairs to our apartment and made sure all the curtains were shut tight. There is a window in the bathroom and a window in the hall outside the bathroom (both just above ground level) that doesn't have any curtains at the moment since we're redecorating, so I had to make sure no one could peep in through those. I then hurried to the bedroom and hid under the duvet.

I have a ticket for a play/musical act at the theater today in 40 minutes, uni-related, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to go. I'm still scared someone's outside or that there is someone who's gonna follow me if I go out.

I do that all the time when I am on my own (I say on my own but my Nan is here and she doesn't hear the doorbell) and I don't know the people. I think if I had been in your shoes, I would have hidden because I would have been afraid. I hide from salesmen and religious people all the time.

Are you on your own seeing this play? If not then I would go. Just keep telling yourself that I am strong and there is no one there.

You are a strong person. Hold your head up high and smile that beautiful smile because you can do this. Like I've said before, I have faith in you.

[MarMar]

Thanks, Muse, but I've decided to just stay at home. It starts in 25 minutes, and I haven't had anything to eat today, gotten dressed or showered. The drive alone is 15-20 minutes. There will be others from my classes there, but I don't feel up to putting a mask back on today. It's been a rough couple of days. I think I'm coming down from this 3 months long "high".

I will try to be better tomorrow, though. Thank you.

[emmasi]

I have agoraphobia too. I really hate going outside, even to the yard or to check the mail, if I don't have someone with me. I've been staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, and I've been out on the streets by myself twice. I was able to talk myself into that by saying that even if the people here are judging me, I'll never see them again after Friday lol. Luckily the yard has high fences (unlike mine - my front yard has no fence, and living on a hill, the people above us can see everything) so I feel pretty safe out there, but even so I haven't been out as much as I would like.

Apparently there's a fair bit of crime that goes on around here, and my friend keeps the doors double-locked. Last night I heard someone trying to break in and open the screen door at the back... but now I'm not sure, because my friend (who was in her room asleep - though I thought I heard her moving about when I heard the other noises) says she didn't hear anything. She also said that she didn't have the back door locked, so if someone was trying to open that door (there's deadlocked wooden one behind it), they should have been able too easily. So now I don't know if something actually happened, or if I was just imagining it because I'm so generally paranoid. Either way, I slept with a knife in my hand, and spent a good deal of the night chanting protection spells to surround the house... I suppose it worked, because I was able to sleep when I'd convinced myself that no one could get in with my will defending me... and that even if they did, I'd be able to give them a good stabbing if they got too close...

So, in short, I'm crazy . So crazy that I'm now actually hearing things... and using half-assed witchcraft as a defence . I suppose if the problem is imaginary, then having an imaginary solution isn't THAT crazy...

How does this help you Mar? I don't know... oh, but I have some good advice about walking alone. Keep a sharp pen on you. Handy for writing things down, and taking celebrity autographs... and also a legal way of carrying a defensive weapon in case anyone does indulge your paranoia and actually has a go at you. I find it a good security blanket. Dark sunglasses are another - if people can't see your eyes, then they can't tell what you're thinking and therefore can't judge you. For all they know, you're completely cool, and the fear that you know is in your eyes can't be seen. It actually gives me more confidence. And lucky for me, if people think I'm rude for wearing sunglasses inside, I can honestly tell them "they're prescription - I can't see at all without them." Hahah!

[Pierced Musie]

awww honey *huggles*

The problem with being high is that you always have to come down. The upside is that you will probably come back up to an even level again soon. Just give yourself time, take each day as it comes and enjoy life

Take care of youself Pinky

Edit: Jem, you sound as crazy as I am. And that pen thing is a good idea, but I was carrying scissors last night. In my defence, I needed them for the flower arranging

[Pierced Musie]

For anyone who has problems with panic attacks or being scared before doing something major, like going out etc... there is a thing called Rescue Remedy. This was recommended to me by my Connexions tutor and I can honestly say that it really worked for me, and it worked for my sister.

Plus it kind of tastes like alcohol !

[MarMar]

Thanks to both Jess and Jem - although you might not think it helps, it does. Thank you. The pin-tip is really good!