Support Group

[Dan F]

From an anonymous member:

This happened a long, long time ago…

I had an abortion, because I was raped, I’m having some private counselling sessions. There is never a day goes by, that I still feel so guilty and ashamed about what I have done. Even though most, if not all, the decisions were taken out of my hands, I still feel so guilty. I still hate myself for what I have done.

So next week I’m going to go to the local chapel with my counsellor to light a candle and place some flowers. I’m also going to write a poem. To say sorry and hope I'm forgiven for what I have done, to the babies.

It’s also the first time I have spoken face to face to someone and had any kind of counselling, I let a lot of bottled up emotions out while in the session. I'm hoping I can find some kind of closure on the rape and abortion.

[flyingwithoutwings]

I may not be much help, but what happened to you was a horrible, horrible thing and as a result, something unwanted happened. What you did wasn't wrong, it was the right thing to do at the time. Don't hate yourself, forgive yourself, because you are forgiven, you were never blamed. I admire you, you have such courage to, first, see a counsellor, second, do such a beautiful thing as to writing a poem, laying flowers and lighting a candle, and third, even posting your experience on here! I wish you every best wish, and hope you feel better very soon!

If you ever want to talk, I'm here!

xo

[emmasi]

I completely agree. You're obviously religious, so you can have faith that God's taking care of your baby, and taking care of you because he loves you both. What happened isn't your fault, and it's not your fault that you didn't know how to deal with it, or that you weren't really given the option to try. It's wonderful that you are taking steps to deal with it now and to take care of yourself as well. The best thing you can do is to keep talking to your counsellor about it, and don't blame yourself for what's happened. I can understand that you'd feel guilty if you've been raised to believe that abortion is wrong, but it sounds like you've done the right thing by yourself, and in the end, by your baby. It sounds strange, but I truly believe that sometimes it's better to give that soul a chance at a different life, one where it can be properly provided for and cared for by someone who's prepared to do that. It's not your fault that you weren't prepared, you weren't given the choice to be. It's a horrible situation, but you're doing the best you can to get through it and that's all anyone can ask.

[MarMar]

I don't think I can put it better than Emmasi - she said everything I tried to

[Dan F]

From above member:

Thanks you for the support. Actually I'm not as religious as you think. Thank you so much, for reading and listening to me...it's been a very, very difficult week for me. I wanted to end it all, it was too much pain and memories to cope with.

But I've seen sense, and managed to stop things from getting beyond my control.

I have been to the counsellor today and we went to the chapel, I brought some Autumn posies and lit a candle.

I wrote this:

I'm sorry; I hope you can forgive me for what I did. I think about you all the time, what you would be doing now. There is so many what if's in life!! If I decided to keep you, would it have been for the best? Or would it have been too much to cope with. Knowing how you were conceived. I did what I thought was right. Even though the decisions were taken out of my hands... Maybe if I was stronger. Who knows?

All my love Mummy x x

I also said, I hope you are ok in heaven, and that you will look after your brother when he's gets there.

Then my councellor said a very, very touching prayer, we were both almost crying, then blew the candle out and

I said goodnight god bless

Hopefully, given time I'll be able to get on with life and not feel so guilty and upset hopefully?.

[-Tess-]

Hopefully in time you will feel better...and from what you've said, it sounds like you made the right decision for you,and that's all that you can be expected to do.

[Sam =)]

Ok so here's the situation my parents aren't together anymore and I have my year 10 formal assembly coming up at the end of November where we get our completion certificates and all our school makes a hugeeee deal of it. Anyway I told my mum about it ages ago because I knew I wanted her there more than anyone else and if she wasn't comfortable with my dad being there then I wouldn't invite him but mum said it was fine and I had been working up the courage to invite him for like a month now because I feared he would do exactly what he ended up doing. So this weekend mum went away with her friends so we were staying with dad and I figured I better invite him so I did and when I did he asked me if his girlfriend could come and I said no because I really don't want the woman who tore apart my family and had my dad cheating on us for like a year there I can't stand the woman she is horrible to me and only really likes my sister hates me and my brother. Anyway back on track I said no and dad said "well I pay the school fees so I will take whoever I want" and I said "well my mother has a right to feel comfortable at her own daughters school event and you can't blackmail me like that because I know mum would pay our school fees if she had to" and he said "fine then I'm not coming without her and if your mother wants to pay school fees next year lets see her pay for 2 kids in private school" in the end I just said "fine don't come".

So for the last 2 nights I have cried myself to sleep worrying about it mum came home today and I haven't told her yet all I told her was I invited him.

I really need help! I don't want the stupid woman my dad left us for there but I really want my dad there. I know it would hurt mum to see her there and I'm closer with my mum than anyone in the world so I would never hurt her like that but I also want my dad there.

What do I do? Only have mum there? Or have mum, dad and the girlfriend there?

I hate this why so we even have to have these stupid things?

Mod Note: Threads Merged

[Jess]

^^ Sam, I definately think you should tell your mum what's going on, if only to stop yourself from worrying so much. At the end of the day, you haven't done anything wrong - all you've done is asked your dad to your assembly. He should also respect the fact that you don't want his girlfriend to be there - it's just one of those things that parents do for their children, and if those two parents happen to be separated then it's not so much to ask for them to put on an united front for the evening. Your dad's probably so keen for his girlfriend to come because he probably wants to show your mum that he's moved on with his life (albeit in a very childish way), but, when all's said and done, would his girlfriend really be comfortable going to an event where it's just other parents?

I'm sorry I don't really have any answers - other than that you should definately tell your mum the full story.

[MarMar]

It's 6 days since they should have functioning internet, and they've still not gotten it. A technician was supposed to come today and they've been home, waiting, all day after school. They even got a call around 3pm where they were told the technician would be a little late, but he'd definitely be there. Now, just before 8, he still hadn't turned up.

I notice how frustrated and impatient I get whenever I talk to him now. We were both looking so much forward to getting to talk to each other on Skype, video and everything. Tomorrow it'll be one week till I'm going down there, but it's not much comfort at the moment Soooo down at the moment.

[Frankie]

I know what you mean Mar.. I am missing my man at the moment too... it's like a piece of me is missing....the time differences and his work shifts sometime make it difficult for us to talk on the net...our text bills are phenomenal! But it's not for ever...we will get through it.... won't we?