MarMar Posted November 6, 2007 Report Posted November 6, 2007 Will you be apart for long? It really sucks. A whole lot. But, on the bright side, the technician finally came an hour ago and now they've got internet....!
Di Posted November 6, 2007 Report Posted November 6, 2007 I know what you mean Mar.. I am missing my man at the moment too... it's like a piece of me is missing....the time differences and his work shifts sometime make it difficult for us to talk on the net...our text bills are phenomenal! But it's not for ever...we will get through it.... won't we? Will you be apart for long? It really sucks. A whole lot. But, on the bright side, the technician finally came an hour ago and now they've got internet....! I'm so sorry but I have no idea what youi're both going through. But here to chat to if you want me too. I'm sorry that you are both not able to chat to your other half's as much as you'd like. I so hope you're home soon Frankie and your net probs are sorted out pretty soon Mar.
emmasi Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 Parents. They're just... *sigh.* I was perfectly happy before. Well, I wasn't last night... but tonight... I was perfectly happy. I went into the loungeroom to play with the cat. My mother said, "Don't annoy her." Is it a sign that my mother equates affection with annoyance...? Hm... Then she started talking about when the cats die (they're only about 3, and we've had them for a year and a half...) that she won't get anymore because dad hates them and hit one of them tonight. Right. Great, so what am I supposed to do? He's not kicking them with steel-toed boots, he's not strangling them and throwing them into walls... A quick slap when they're doing something wrong, while I disapprove, is not something to be writing their death notices on... God she's depressing. And I get depressed so easily... So then - and don't bloody ask me why because I have no idea (oh right, we decided that animals are easier to understand than kids) - she starts talking about how my nephew may or may not have Asperges. I said he did ages ago. No one listened to me. "They've done all the tests, there's nothing wrong with him, stop being so negative." .... and now... "Oh yes, the doctor says he has it. His life will be difficult and largely pointless, but we still have to pretend we like him. Stop being so selfish." Well, forgive me for not basing my opinions of a person on whether they have a disability/learning disorder or not. I don't like kids. I never have. I have never ever changed my opinion on that and if they keep treating me like I don't matter anymore, I never will. Yes, that is self-centered, but I have to be because if I don't put me first then I know no-one else will. I'm stupid and slow and I can't remember what my name is some days, but because I never had a doctor say to me "hey, you know what, people should feel sorry for you because of that!"... I'm just seen as lazy. Does it occur to these people that I'm lazy BECAUSE I'm stupid, not the other way around? I USED to be smart, I know that, but that was when I was in primary school. I plateaud at age 16 or younger and everything since has just been a constant struggle. I can't do it... I'm not smart enough to exist in the world that people want me to... I'm barely capable of getting through a sentence without forgetting where I started it. Jesus. How am I supposed to study at uni or get a job when I'm like that? I can't help it, okay? I can't... and I don't want to, because I know if I worked as hard as I could and tried my best to be what they want, it'll still never be enough. I'll still be too stupid and slow and worthless. See? I've forgotten where this bloody rant (and this sentence!) started... Yeah, so my life consists of sleeping, eating, internet and TV... not too stimulating for sure, but it doesn't matter to anyone but me when I don't remember things. If I forget my dreams, no one cares. If I forget what I ate - IF I ate - last, no one cares. If I forget what I've typed here, I can go back and read it before anyone finds out... and therefore, no one cares. And if I forget what's happening on TV... well, my friend who I constantly ask to repeat things that happened onscreen 5 minutes ago... he probably cares... but no one else does. And with all the sound and vision, I can remember enough of that to get by... What am I even going on about? Oh yes, why my mother has gotten me in tears this time. She hopes that my nephew doesn't have asperges, and that he's just really smart... ... you know, I was smart in school. I was too smart. I learned the hard way that people don't believe you when you're smart, you're a cheat and a liar and you don't deserve the marks you worked hard for.. you just deserve to be labeled a plagerist. So I learned not to be smart. I learned that at 16. I learned that no matter how smart you are, there's people a billion times smarter than you anyway, and you have to be SUPER smart to get away with it - a freak who gets EVERYTHING right, so that people expect it... it's no good just to get things right sometimes, because then you shouldn't be able to do that... you should either be stupid all the time or smart all the time. You can't be both. You can't be stupid at some stuff and smart at others. Cause if you're stupid at some stuff... they expect you to be stupid at everything... and when you're not... well, you're cheating and lying. If on the other hand you're really smart at some things, then when you're too stupid to do something else, you're lying again - you're being lazy. You're pretending... yeah, because it feels so good to need almost a full minute to tie a set of f***ing shoe laces because you can't remember if you're doing it right... Well that's probably a low enough point to end on for now. I shall go back to watching a particularly depressing episode of Buffy to remind myself that, although I can't do anything of use in my own life, I can at least have a near-photographic memory of the events of a fictional TV series. See, I'm good at something! Useful!! Oh and my mum was also going on and on and ON about some guy my brother used to be friends with, how he was so smart and talented and such a perfectly respectable friend (nothing like my friends, who are all trouble and who want nothing more than to hurt and ridicule me.... hm. Wonder why I never started drinking until I was with my good, respectable, trustworthy friends... from uni, of course... ) and generally how she missed this kid like she'd never miss me... Thats all I could hear. Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but this, coupled with my brothers outstanding integrity, screams to me how much of a burdon and useless hunk of crap I really am. Uh oh, Jenny's dead. I really should be paying attention to this show.
emmasi Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 I feel like singing. I don't think there's a thread for that... and since I've already made a mess in this one... what the hell. Wheeeeere are weeee? Whaaaaaat the heeeellll iiiis goooooooiing on? Duuuuuuuust haas ooonlyeee just, beguuuuuun to faaaaalll Crop circles in the caaarpet... siiinkiinng feeeleeeeiing... Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide aaaaaaaaaaaaaand seeeek. Traaaaaaiiiiins aaaaaaaaaaand sewing maaachiiines... Aaaaaaaaaaallll thooooose yeeeaaaarrrrssss Theeeeeeyyyy weeeerrrre heeeeerrrre fiiiiiiiirrrrst... Mmmm whatcha saaayeee? Mmmm that you only meant well? Of course you did.. Mmmm whatcha saaayeee? Mmmm that it's all for... the beeest? ... Of course it iiiiiiiiiissss...... Rrrrransom notes keep falling from your mouth Mid-sweet talk newspaper word cut-outs Speak no feeling no I don't believe you And you don't care a bit you don't care a bit... Hiii iiii iiiiide, aaaand seeeeeeeeeeeeeeek Hiii iiii iiiiiiid... and seeek And you don't care a bit... and you don't care.... Aaaaa biiiiiit... Thank you Ben McKenzie. You little wonder you. (Yes, one beer, but what are YOU gonna do about it!? )
Miranda Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 As a new poster here, its nice to see a support group on a forum. So many forums are full of people putting each other down and saying things they'd never say to people's faces.
emmasi Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 lol. Support thread's good for trashing people in real life instead. Is for me anyway. It'll be funny if they ever read it sometime. Oh it's raining again. Did I do that?
astogirl24 Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 Hi Emmasi - I don't get it? Do you suffer from a memory problem? Your posts are quite articulate so I'm not sure where all this 'I'm not smart' comes from.
emmasi Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 I don't know what it is, to tell you the truth. My posts are alright, but that's because I have plenty of time to read over them and make sure they make sense. I often have to stop and think about what I'm writing and what I've already written. You can't do that when you're talking face to face. If you stop in the middle of a sentence to remember what you're talking about... It looks pretty stupid. Don't worry about it. I don't get it either.
Cal Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 Jem, I think I can relate to some of this. I've hit that plateau too, unfortunately. And because of it, I don't think I can go to College because I'm too afraid of not being able to do the work. And I'm lazy because I'm stupid. I hope that you can get through this and maybe you can tell me how you did it when you do.
emmasi Posted November 7, 2007 Report Posted November 7, 2007 Thank you Cal. You'll be the first to know
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