Support Group

[Lesley Bee]

That's exactly what i try to do, keep myself busy to stop me from munching and putting on weight. Not that it always works, temptation is a hard thing

[flutterby]

I'm awful for comfort eating, you aren't alone.... I get more upset the more I put on weight, and as a result eat more it's a viscious cycle! The thing is food addiction isn't like other addictions....if you're an alcoholic you can stop drinking alcohol (allbeit difficult) people who are addicted to food have to eat to live. Eating is such a complex thing, I don't think anyone eats the perfect amount.

[Oxidizer]

I feel your pain.

That's exactly why I'm not looking forward to Xmas - what if I get addicted to normal food 'cause I haven't had any in ages?

I tell you, will power is the most hardest thing to 'achieve'.

[Foxy]

Andy.....I posted once before in here, but deleted the post because I wasn't ready for it to be seen quite so publically, but hearing that you're still having issues I feel I must saying something.

Andy - you are anorexic. Trust me. What struck me most was the reference to breaking your food into small pieces and then doing everything possible to avoid eating it. These are both classic signs and you really do need to get help I know others have said it but that doesn't detract from the fact that you desperatly need to consult you GP. Again, as others have said you will end being fed through a tube if you don't see anyone about it, and even then the battle won't be over. If you live through yet (and there's every chance you may not) you'll probably be sent to a retreat where they'll keep a very strict eye over your food. No creature comforts.....no books, magazines, TV's, music....no anything. Just controlled eating times.

I don't want to sound all strict and like I'm trying to horrible about it, but the tough love worked for me so I hope it might have some impression on you.....and if you ever need to talk about it further, PM me or drop me a line on MSN, I'd be happy to listen and try and offer you some sort of advice.

[Oxidizer]

You're definitely not being horrible about it, mate, and I get that you're tryna help, and for that I'm be grateful. To all of you guys, for that matter. Thank you.

It's a bit late now, so I'll get myself an appointment with me GP in Janurary (I know I keep holding it off but I will - 'tis my self-imposed mission). Who knows? I might be better after Xmas. (Well, I doubt it, but you know. )

[Frankie]

I am afraid I have my doubts about that Andy... you have said so many times you are making appointments and you never do... I think you are kidding your self and us... my biggest fear for you is that you are now going to make yourself so ill that you will end up hospitalised. ...... there are a lot of people here who really worry and care what happens to you.... so unless you are actually going to make and keep an appointment please don't keep saying you are going to do so...... and please keep away from the pro ana sites.. as they only feed the illness and make things worse... if there is any bit of you at all which wants to get better avoid them like the plague.

And listen to Foxy... he talks sense!

[claire_louise]

Totally agree with everything Frankie said. I know the hardest part is actually taking that first step and admitting to someone professional that you need help, but if you keep putting it off it will only get harder, and in the meantime your health will deteriorate. If you don't take the bull by the horns soon, there will come a point where you don't have a choice - you'll become so ill that someone else will have to make your decisions for you. It's a harsh thing to say but you aren't just going to get 'better' without help, you'll only get worse.

By the way, most doctors surgeries are only closed on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year's Day, so there's no reason for you to wait until January to get an appointment, if you're determined enough.

[-Tess-]

You're definitely not being horrible about it, mate, and I get that you're tryna help, and for that I'm be grateful. To all of you guys, for that matter. Thank you.

It's a bit late now, so I'll get myself an appointment with me GP in Janurary (I know I keep holding it off but I will - 'tis my self-imposed mission). Who knows? I might be better after Xmas. (Well, I doubt it, but you know. )

Andy, I have no idea what to actually say, so I'm just going to give you an online hug.

It will get better eventually if you get help, you'll see.

[Oxidizer]

I'll be brutally honest: I seriously don't think I'll be making an appointment anytime soon. I just can't do it - physically as well as emotionally/psychologically. I've been kidding myself for a couple of months now by saying that I will.

I'm sorry for making promises I knew from the start in all probabability I wouldn't be able to keep. Words can't express how much I suck. Really.

All I can say with certainty is that I'll be ditching the pro-ana sites. I know it sounds like yet another false promise but it's not. I've realised now that those people are bad influences - both to those they encourage and to themselves. The reason I noticed is 'cause recently I've been asked tips on how to loose weight and 'hardcore diet' and for a moment I was gonna say how until I realised that what I was about to do wouldn't have only been wrong but also potentially dangerous.

So yeah, I can't guarantee I'll see my GP, but I can say with confidence that I'll be avoiding those poor sods who are so deluded and controlled by their EDs that all they care about is body image (I know I'm guilty of this too but still ). They're selfish and selfless[?] both at the same time and it's not as clever as I initially thought.

ETA: Hee - thanks for the online hugs and support guys.

[emmasi]

EDIT: My mood has swung back from being on the brink of insanity (or well over it) and I really want to delete this post because it's just so not constructive to anyone or anything. It's likely to be downright offensive. I hope that no-one is offended, but I'm not going to delete it. I think I need it as a reminder of how messed up my thinking can get so that I remember that I'm not making sense the next time I start talking like this... sorry if it upsets anyone...

Christmas is just a terrible time to do anything. That's why people put everything off until New Year's. There's too much stress and worry and expectation at Christmas. Stress can make you overeat for comfort or make you too sick to stomach anything. If you're an overeater by habbit, there's no chance of avoiding your addiction. If you're an undereater, then the thought of everyone else eating their own body weight in food makes you want to be sick. Quite literally if they force you to eat as well.

Honestly, I wouldn't try to do anything at Christmas. I know I have to do something about my weight eventually, but I've got no will for it at the moment. There's too much else to think about. Like how am I going to have time to get my mother's present? Will anyone even have what I'm looking for so close to Christmas? Will I be able to go to the store by myself, or will I get a convenient bout of agoraphobia so I don't have to do anything? And if I don't do anything, what will happen on Christmas morning when my mother has nothing from me under the tree? Will she be disappointed? Will she be upset for the whole day? Will I ruin Christmas!? ... Well, I'm not too worried about that. I already know I'll ruin everything. I won't be excited enough about the presents I get, I won't have helped to clean the house... When people come over, they'll see the cat fur on the floor, all the junk lying all around the house, all the things that a better more considerate person would have tidied up to make Christas nice for everyone... and then I'll need to be ASKED to help out with lunch, and I'll eat the bit of steak that everyone wanted the most - I'll eat too much altegether - and that'll be nothing compared to the drinking...

The weird part is I feel like I'm only overeating and overdrinking because it's what people expect. People expect me to be fat and drunk and lazy, and if I'm not that then who will I be? I'll have to waste time creating a whole other persona that isn't good enough. I'm just too tired for that.

My snap judgement of you Andy, based on my feelings about myself (don't take this too personally), is that you've created a version of yourself that you don't know how to change, and you don't even really want to change it because what is the point if people are only going to judge you for whatever you become next? Right now you're too skinny - that's not only what you are, but WHO you are. That's how other people define you, and so that's how you define yourself. If you eat right, you might put on weight. Then you'll be the guy who's putting on weight. You'll be the guy who must be doing something else wrong, because normal people, people who eat right, don't put on weight. That's what fat overeaters do, and we all know that fat people are bad people because they're lazy and irrisponsible, and let's face it, gross. You don't want to be lazy or irrisposible, and you don't even want to think about all that disgusting fat going through your system and bulging underneath your blemished skin. But here's the twist - people already think you look terrible. They think you look sick. They're telling you you're diseased. Anorexia - they've even got a name for it. They probably think it's contageous, the way they tell you to stay away from pro-ana sites. Is that what they think of you? That if they talk to you too long, they'll end up looking just as bad and just as sick as you do? So why don't they leave you alone, if that's what they think? Maybe it's because they enjoy telling you what to do. They enjoy telling you that what you're doing is wrong, no matter what it is, because they just don't want to think about what they're doing wrong. They're all hypocrits with just as many problems as you've got, but you're nice enough not to rub it in their faces all the time. Or are you? Is that what you're doing by posting in here all the time? Are you sitting here saying, "look at me, I've got a problem, everyone pay attention to me and feel sorry for me"? That must be it, because if you really wanted to change, you'd have done it by now. If you really wanted to be seen as normal, you'd be eating a peanut butter sandwich. But normal people don't get seen, do they? People without problems have nothing to talk about, and so nobody bothers to listen... You'll just fade into obscurity if you're the same as everyone else. There'll be nothing interesting to define you at all. If you got healthy and lived a long pointless life, no one would even care. You'd probably die an old man alone in a home. But this way, you get all the attention you want for as long as you want, and then when it gets boring, you can just up the ante and stop eating altogether. Then you die, and people say, "Hey, do you remember that guy who died of anorexia...?" And people will still be talking about how unusual you must have been to have been able to do that, because starving yourself to death really isn't normal.

Right, time for a disclaimer. I don't believe anything I've just written, but at the same time I believe every word. I don't know you well enough at all to know if any of that is true for you, but it's true for me. I am so insane about image that it's not even funny. It doesn't have to be the right image, it just has to be something that I can define myself by. If I'm the fat girl in my group, then I have to keep eating because if I don't I'll get as skinny as everyone else, and I'll just blend. Then they won't want me around anymore, because what's the point? They only keep me around to make themselves feel good by comparison, so if I can somehow manage to become like them or even better, they'll just resent me for it. Right now people resent me for being lazy, but that's a system that works, because they get to put me down. They can say "You're fat and stupid and never do anything for anyone unless you can get something out of it," but by doing that they can think of themselves as skinny and smart and infinitely charitable. If they saw me, and I made them feel about themselves the way I feel right now, then they wouldn't want to be near me at all. No one would want to be around someone like that. I don't have a choice in the matter - I cant very well leave myself... but as long as I'm being fat, stupid, lazy and drunk, I can make other people feel good about themselves, and in a bizare irony, that's the only thing that makes me feel good about myself

Yeah, okay, so none of that made sense, but assuming anyone bothered to read it all, hahaha! I've just taken up several minutes of your attention! I win again!!

In conclusion, Andy, we're both pretty screwed at this point. There is always hope that it will change, but we have to WANT it to change, and until we can figure out how to make that happen... I don't know what we're going to do. Let's just hope that you don't collapse from exhaustion, and I don't have a heartattack at the age of 22 before that happens