Support Group

[MarMar]

I'm useless when it comes to advice as well. Apart from co-morbidity depression/bipolar disorder (whichever it might be), I'm gonna be ok, I think. at least now I have a name for it, something to work from.

[MarMar]

I outed pretty much against my will last week. MIL got this brilliant idea that she should tell the rest of T's immediate family about my AS (sister, 16, brother 21, still living at home + husband) so that it should be easier for me to be around them as they could take the AS into consideration whenever I was around. Both T and I were pretty much against it as I have no need to disclose something as personal as my symptoms to anyone, let anyone his family, but after she nagged us, or me, about it for two weeks, I thought maybe she was right. I never really see the full picture, but get too hung up on details, so I asked T to just let her know that it was ok, but that I didn't want to be there when she did, which ultimately means that he wouldn't either. However, they could ask us about it over phone, text or MSN (etc). Nothing's happened. No questions. And despite how this should "make it easier to respect" and "consider" me when we're all together, nothing of the sort has happened. I spent most of the time there yesterday in being consumed by sensory overload, not being able to engage in the conversation at all, not to mention how exhausted I was when we got home and the endless bickering because I was overloaded out of my mind. Much of this because T's brother is loud and doesn't seem to have a mute-button. So much for respect and consideration.

[I Love Sam]

My cousin has apergers, and on the one hand she wants to be treated like every one else, and on the other some times she deosnt. It can be hard for families to understand especially when they have only just been told. They will need a bit a time. the only thing they know about is stuff the see on the movies or TV and obviously you are not like that so they are confused. It took me ages to work out what was happening with my cousin who I have known all my life, and I felt awkward asking her questions. Not everyone in our family understands, so dont expect miracles, some will be better than others.

[MarMar]

It's just very, very upsetting at the moment as I was outed against my will (hello! I'm 22! I'm an adult! I can make my own decisions!)

It's been quite bumpy since we told MIL. Her initial reaction was to burst into tears as though I was dying. Then she kept asking me why I wouldn't want to be cured, if it was possible.

I'm the same person I was a month ago, a year ago, 5 years ago when I started dating her son, but I would still like, now that they know, that they don't have to scream from one floor to the other as a way of communicating. I've suffered through 5 years of that when I thought I was a weirdo who was a bit sensitive to sounds.

[emmasi]

Hm. I think I'm a weirdo who's a bit sensitive to sounds... I don't like people yelling, or talking over each other, or even talking loudly. I especially don't like people asking me questions, or asking me to do things, because I often have trouble understanding them to start with, and I never know how I'm supposed to respond. Yesterday we had the whole family here, and I was on edge for hours. I tried to have a drink to calm down, but that just made me feel sick and even more anxious, so I didn't have anymore. It only stopped when my sister went home and took her two kids with her. Then there was only one kid, and he's not loud at all. What's more, everyone's attention was focussed on him, so they weren't all trying to have separate conversations all at once. And when the kid fell asleep, everyone had to be quiet so they didn't wake him up. Then I calmed down, had a beer, and was able to enjoy myself.

Of all the things I read and hear about Aspergers, I'm starting to think I have it... but then I remind myself that it's probably BECAUSE I've read and heard these things, that I think I have the symptoms . I also think I'm a hypochondriac... Doesn't help that they think my nephew might have it. I'm already jealous of him (little first-born usurper that he is), so it would be just like me to think that I have what he's got so as not to be outdone

[Frankie]

It's just very, very upsetting at the moment as I was outed against my will (hello! I'm 22! I'm an adult! I can make my own decisions!)

It's been quite bumpy since we told MIL. Her initial reaction was to burst into tears as though I was dying. Then she kept asking me why I wouldn't want to be cured, if it was possible.

I'm the same person I was a month ago, a year ago, 5 years ago when I started dating her son, but I would still like, now that they know, that they don't have to scream from one floor to the other as a way of communicating. I've suffered through 5 years of that when I thought I was a weirdo who was a bit sensitive to sounds.

For you I am guessing that understanding the nature of your difficulties was probably a huge relief... you finally have something you can understand and can make sense of, come to terms with deal with etc,.... it probably all slotted into place.. For your MIL and others it wont be like that. Their reactions are based on the fact they probably hadn't realised they had anything to come to terms with. You are Mar....Terjes girlfried... now wife.... and suddenly you have this other whole new baggage.... that scares them... it liberates them but frightens them..... and you may have a lot of work to do in educating them.. which may be an uphill battle... they will have little experience of aspergers and what perceptions they have are more likely to be from those at the extreme end of the spectrum.

http://www.mugsy.org/wendy/

The lady in this link has aspergers... she has travelled the world.. she has 4 kids.. gives a lot of talks.. has been a uni lecturer and is a writer and works to devolop communiction skills and further understanding. Hope it helps.

[MarMar]

Thanks, Frankie. Knowing what it is is definitely a huge relief!

I got one of her books but passed it on to another "autie" in a community I'm in - I couldn't benefit from it at all, which is a pity as it's one of very few books on autism/aserger's in adults

[MarMar]

It seems no matter how thin I spread myself in order to help others and to help every way I can, it's not enough, not good enough and it doesn't get acknowledged at all. It's always the other people's comments and thoughts and opinions that count. The other people are obviously better than me. I can't do it anymore.

[claire_louise]

^ Trust me, we all feel like that sometimes. It sucks doesn't it?

[Frankie]

It seems no matter how thin I spread myself in order to help others and to help every way I can, it's not enough, not good enough and it doesn't get acknowledged at all. It's always the other people's comments and thoughts and opinions that count. The other people are obviously better than me. I can't do it anymore.

I Know exactly how you feel! But its logical there is only so much of us to go around. My mum always says " It's better to help one or two and do it really well than to try and help and 20 and not really help and all".... because in reality f you try and help 20 you cant do it.... so stop beating yourself up.... just help one or two people that you know you can help... and who you want to help.. and things will maybe feel a bit better.