Support Group

[Cerise]

I'm really worried about my little Sister. She started Secondary school this year and I don't think she's coping so well. She used to be so sociable in the Primary - lots of Friends, we hardly ever saw her because she was out with her friends or even out with some guys. She had to stay back a year in Primary school because of her learning difficulties, which are more severe than mine. I suspect she gets teased about it, just a bit.

Anyway, this year Jade has been very silent, and very mopey. She sits in her room all day. I only noticed what was really going on now, so I confronted her about it and she told me the full story.

We travelled a lot, when we were younger. Lived in Australia, Germany and now Ireland. We lived in places like Italy and Spain and Portugal and everywhere for short Periods of time (6 Months, 2 Months, 4 Months, just under a year) but she always made friends easily, picked up the languages quickly. Anyway, we always came back to Ireland for a while before we went on, and she had these friends here - and they were nice, quite sweet and we all liked them. Now she goes to Secondary with them and her Best friend out of them has changed. We'll call her Emma. She totally changed - before she was very shy, and kept to her Friends, now she's gone all showy and wearing make up and breaking lots of rules, well just like Jade was in Primary, but 'Emma' is being so mean to Jade. Two other girls from the Primary, we'll call 'Caoimhe' and 'Louise', went to the same school with Jade and 'Emma'. 'Emma' used to hate 'Louise', but now they're the best of Friends. 'Emma' and 'Caoimhe' used to be best friends but now 'Emma' ignores 'Caoimhe' and just goes around with 'Louise' mostly. I think it really depresses Jade, for one, who is also ignored by the other three. There are Three seaters in their school, and them three always sit together, leaving Jade on her own, Jade doesn't have any other friends either so she has to sit on her own. When 'Louise', 'Caoimhe', or 'Emma' arnt in School you'd expect Jade could sit with the other two, but no, they always invite someone else to sit beside them, without giving Jade a second glance.

That's that thing. It may seem little, but it really upsets her and I really understand that because that is exactly what happened to me. But there's other little things that her 'friends' do. She really doesn't want to be friends with them but otherwise she'd have no one.

Anyway, now Emma and Louise and Caoimhe are going to this concert and never invited Jade. Emma asked jade if she liked the singer and Jade said yes, she did. Emma, Louise and Caoimhe were always talking about it and when Jade asked what they were talking about they never told her. Then she found out that they were going to the concert and Emma used the excuse that she knew she hated the singer so they didn't want to invite her.

Jade has been really upset and I'm really worried. So I'm just seeking some advice I could give her?

I'm very sorry about the spelling and grammar errors, btw.

[Cal]

Kat, I've seen this happen before. When girls go in to Secondary School, they change. They become rebels. They become bitches. It's a fact. Guys do it too. But with guys, they try to make themselves out to be this macho-dude. When in fact, it makes them look like idiots. I think with girls, it's one big game. Who can be the biggest meanie or who can ditch their friend the fastest. It makes them look 'cool'. Or so they think.

I'm going to suggest something that Jade might not agree with. But I think it's the best thing to do. Jade, forget those idiots. They've changed, and it's for the worst. Please don't try and fit in with them because they'll take you for a ride. They'll turn you in to a nasty person.

I know this will be hard, but try and get new friends. There is bound to be a table of people who don't have friends in your school, there always is. Talk to them. They are probably the nicest people you will ever meet in School. They've gone through rejection in school too, they know what you're going through and they won't slag you off. They are the people that will go far in life.

You're way better than 'Emma', 'Caoimhe' and 'Louise'. They are not worth the stress and hassle. And in a few years time, they'll hate each other and they will regret ever being friends with one another. You'll stand there and laugh at the situation because you didn't get involved.

That's just what I've observed through my six years in Secondary School. I hope it helps...

[carmelle]

I agree with what Cal wrote.

This kinda stuff happens a lot when kids start secondary school and for some reason or another the girls end up being meanest and the more cruel ones. Your sister would be better of without them, even if it's something that will be hard for her to understand.

The great thing about schools/college or where ever you find yourself... is that there will always be at least one person just like you. So there is a friend in that school for your sister but it's going to take some time to find that person. It's going to have to start with your sister talking to other people.

I'm sure she'll be ok...just tell her to hang in there.

[Zetti]

Tell her to be herself and forget the people that make her different.

[Oxidizer]

Not really a problem but more of an update kind of thing. But for the past 3 weeks or so I've been eating relatively normal foods (though in small-ish quantities) and I haven't put on any weight yet (touch wood!). So I may keep going the way that I am, I mean, I feel healthier in a way. I dunno if I actually am or I just think I am because I'm eating something other than just cereal. And the best part is that I absolutely don't feel guilty about it whatsoever. Before, if I 'slipped up' and ate something 'normal', I'd have to go for a 20 minute run or something, but not anymore. I feel okay about it. Am I better? I think I am, but I still don't want to put on any weight, or at least I'm scared to, so maybe not. But still.

[Cal]

That's a good start, Andy!

Can I ask, what is "normal food"? I'm just curious. Small-ish quantities is probably better than stuffing your face and making yourself feel ill.

Don't be afraid of putting on a little bit of weight. Weight is good, weight is your friend. I know it probably doesn't feel like that, but you need a bit of extra-padding. You never know, you might have a fast metabolism like myself and you won't gain weight but you'll still eat a lot more than you are at the moment.

[Megina]

Any of you have any experience with bulimia?

I am currently trying to get better from having had this for the last six months...

But I keep having cravings I can't seem to not give into and then getting a horrible conscience and then getting rid of it again.. And if I don't get rid of it I gain weight which makes me feel worse. I ate a lot and didn't purge for a almost to weeks but gained so much that I started a bit again ( I am seeing the nurse at my school)

:S

[Barbara]

I don't have experience with bulimia.

I think you should keep on seeing the nurse at your school or find help somewhere else like a counsellor or your GP.

Did you tell your mother? She might be able to help you get through this or take you to your GP and she can keep an eye on you.

I hope you get better soon.

[Megina]

The thing with seeing the nurse is that she is looking for things other than the actual problem to justify me having it... I am only told to not purge and contol my eating but it is easier said than done.. If it was that easy I would't need help quitting..

I haven't told my mom and I have my reasons not too... :s

Thanks =)

[MarMar]

I don't think that's right way to go about it. You shouldn't be treating just the symptoms, but the problem itself. I hope you can get a referral to a psychologist to deal with the root of the problem. To me it doesn't sound like the nurse should be treating you at all - she doesn't have the competence for it, nor the education. I'm not saying she's not a good nurse, but I think you'd be better of with someone who knows more about eating disorders.

Maybe you can find some help here? http://www.iks.no/