Support Group

[Zetti]

Hey guys,

Well, I have this friend who has an issue with eating. She only eats one meal a day, if that and feels guilty when she's made to eat with family and friends. It's been going on for a about 5 weeks or so, and I'm worried about her. She's also started self harming.

I guess I really can't talk, as I have a similar issue, but I'm still worried. She doesn't think she has a problem. How can I help her without sounding like a hipocrite? Also, if anyone has any advice I can give to my friend, it'd be appreciated by her and me!

xo

Get one thing straight you arent a hyprocrite. I went through a period of self harmingand anorexia and I had no one to help, I was so ashamed, all you can do is let your friend know you are there for her. She may throw it back in your face but she is your friend and friends go through hard times and dont believe anyone else is there for her.

My advice is be there for her and tell her how it was like for you even if she doesnt want to listen, one day it will sink in for her.

[rennyren]

OK, so here's the thing. I need some dental work done pretty urgently, only we've got no money and we're not able to get any from the government. To add to that, they're raising the rent on my sister's flat by almost $60, and her flat is tiny, old and disgusting. Only now it's going to cost almost $200. Oh yeah, I forgot, it's also practically on top of a pub. How the hell can people justify that?

So now I feel incredibly guilty for needing money to fix my teeth so I can actually eat without pain (I've got a really major overbite and it hurts like anything). And my parents CLAIM they don't blame me, but I get the feeling that they really resent it. But here's the thing - they pay my rent and stuff, and send me $150 a week to live on, out of which comes my chiropractor fees, which are almost $50 per week, and the other numerous medical expenses I need because my body's so f***ed up, as well as my food. Which basically leaves me with nothing. I also have to buy uni books and the likes. And I'm meant to go to the gym because of my stupid back, but there's no way I can do that, let alone save up for any luxuries like clothes (which I need because I've lost some weight recently and now nothing fits me). They also pay for the rent of my piano, which I use to stabilise my mental health and stop myself from cutting and/or attempting suicide. Basically, my piano's the only luxury I have and it's not one I can really go without unless I want to end up in a padded cell with no access to sharp things for the rest of my life. Sometimes I can't even afford the extra $4.50 a week I set aside for one glass of red wine at the tav with my friends.

OK, and the thing is, I am currently studying two degrees. Neither of those degrees have a lot of contact time, but they have A LOT of reading. And I mean like articles you have 5 times over just so you can understand the first sentence. So if I'm not at uni, chances are I'll be reading. And if I'm not reading coursework, I'll be reading a text or watching something or studying something that's going to help me gain a deeper understanding of the material presented in the unit. So basically, except for the three to four hours a night I actually sleep, I'm studying. And even then I don't get the grades I want. And last time I tried to work and study at the same time I got so stressed and depressed that I tried to overdose on my sleeping pills. So I'm going to try as hard as I can to work and study at the same time but I can't really see it working that well, really. And to add to that I've got to do AT LEAST an hours exercise a day so my back muscles don't get to the point where I can't even move position without being in excruciating pain. And every now and then I'd like to do something social so I don't loose all my friends, also.

So basically, I'm in a lot of trouble. And I'm really quite depressed. It feels like I'm living in my brain. Like, my body's on autopilot and I can see myself laughing and going through the normal motions but it's not me. I don't feel anything. It kind of feels like I've forgotten how to be happy. I can't sleep, I don't feel hungry, I read but I don't take anything in ... I tried to see a counsellor for a while, but it didn't really work. It was like ... I didn't want to seem this screwed up, so I fooled him into thinking I got better. And I did for a while, but not because of any counselling. Only now it's back, and it's really bad. And I really don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone that I know about it, because I feel like if I let it out to them, they'll be all nice and sympathetic and "I know how you feel" when really, they may be depressed and all, but it's different for everyone. And I feel like they might judge me, or think I'm overreacting. Or they might be really really really sympathetic and all "I'm so sorry hun" and I already feel like slitting my wrists and probably stabbing myself in the jugular for good measure and that really won't help. So I really don't know what to do.

I just don't want to let my parents down with this whole money thing. And I've tried to tell them how depressed I get but they don't seem to understand. They tell me they've been in hospital with a breakdown and depression and stuff but they still don't understand how bad I feel. How much I hate myself for constantly being such a let down. I really don't know if this is going to get any better, but I can't bring myself to end it knowing how much that would hurt the people that love me. It feels like I'm staying alive for other people and I just can't get out of this. I really don't know what I can do.

Man, I'm sorry for being such a downer. Please go and google image some puppies or kittens if you made it all the way through this.

[Jayde]

I wasn't really sure where to post this, so forgive me if it's in the wrong place...

I have a bit of an issue with food and exercise, basically. I don't eat vegetables and hardly any fruit, I'm quite hard to choose meals for and I'm even going off chicken and potatoes now which are the only healthy things I really eat. I basically have to have special meals put together, always modified for me. I know Kat's like that as well but at least she can swallow the vegetables, I can't even pick one up. I haven't eaten one for years, excluding potatoes. Basically all I eat is - Fish (not cod, more like seafood), Apples, Grapes, Noodles/Pasta (Again, only Pasta with cheese sauce or Pot noodle with no Veggie bits or sauce, just Chicken or Curry flavouring), Fried Chicken, bacon, sausages, Rice Cakes, Cheese, Junk Food (like Crisps, Choccie, Ice cream, Doughnuts etc), Chicken/Prawn Balls, Rice, Chicken Korma (strictly no onions), and a few other unhealthy things. Seeing as my food choice is a little limited regarding healthy stuff, and I eat rather a lot, I'm getting really chubby, which was never really an issue until about a year or so ago.

And Exercise, I don't play sports basically. I hate sports. I'm very very unfit and when I do the slightest bit of walking or running I'm out of breath so easily. I like Basketball, but I don't really know THAT much about it and when I joined the team I got out of breath so much I had to quit. The only exercise I like is Swimming but I don't get to do that so much.

Basically, I'm trying to lose a bit of weight, not just to be to be accepted at school (though that's definitely a reason) but mainly for myself as I look a bit like a troll to be honest and if I could lose some of that flab maybe I'd feel better of changing other things about me. SO I have to get fit first of all, any suggestions on an exercise plan? And then I have to find meals that I like and are healthy, and find a way to stop the binge eating after school because I'm upset and substitute my Junk Food Snacks with healthy ones that I like.

So, any suggestions on any of them? There's more to it but I don't think it's that important.

[carmelle]

I wasn't really sure where to post this, so forgive me if it's in the wrong place...

I have a bit of an issue with food and exercise, basically. I don't eat vegetables and hardly any fruit, I'm quite hard to choose meals for and I'm even going off chicken and potatoes now which are the only healthy things I really eat. I basically have to have special meals put together, always modified for me. I know Kat's like that as well but at least she can swallow the vegetables, I can't even pick one up. I haven't eaten one for years, excluding potatoes. Basically all I eat is - Fish (not cod, more like seafood), Apples, Grapes, Noodles/Pasta (Again, only Pasta with cheese sauce or Pot noodle with no Veggie bits or sauce, just Chicken or Curry flavouring), Fried Chicken, bacon, sausages, Rice Cakes, Cheese, Junk Food (like Crisps, Choccie, Ice cream, Doughnuts etc), Chicken/Prawn Balls, Rice, Chicken Korma (strictly no onions), and a few other unhealthy things. Seeing as my food choice is a little limited regarding healthy stuff, and I eat rather a lot, I'm getting really chubby, which was never really an issue until about a year or so ago.

And Exercise, I don't play sports basically. I hate sports. I'm very very unfit and when I do the slightest bit of walking or running I'm out of breath so easily. I like Basketball, but I don't really know THAT much about it and when I joined the team I got out of breath so much I had to quit. The only exercise I like is Swimming but I don't get to do that so much.

Basically, I'm trying to lose a bit of weight, not just to be to be accepted at school (though that's definitely a reason) but mainly for myself as I look a bit like a troll to be honest and if I could lose some of that flab maybe I'd feel better of changing other things about me. SO I have to get fit first of all, any suggestions on an exercise plan? And then I have to find meals that I like and are healthy, and find a way to stop the binge eating after school because I'm upset and substitute my Junk Food Snacks with healthy ones that I like.

So, any suggestions on any of them? There's more to it but I don't think it's that important.

I'm a fussy eater. If I don't like the food I end up being sick.

I used to hate eating fruits...but then i discovered I love drinking smoothies. You could try making a few smoothies and try them to see whether you like it or not. Very healthy and you can even come up with new mixes etc...might even be fun? The best thing is you decide what fruits go in.

For healthier eating - you could try making some food yourself. Maybe find some simple and healthy recipes which make use of what you do eat and ignore what you can't eat. They (who ever they are...the "experts" im assuming ) say by preparing the meal yourself you become more aware of it; so it might be worth a shot.

Do you like dancing? If so you could try that. There's a lot of variety to choose from when it comes to dance style and the level of dance classes varies depending on ability etc. You could choose the class that is suitable for you. There's always cycling, if you know how to ride a bike...and again you choose how fast or slow you want to go.

These are just some ideas; which I hope are helpful.

[Barbara]

I used to hate eating fruits...but then i discovered I love drinking smoothies. You could try making a few smoothies and try them to see whether you like it or not. Very healthy and you can even come up with new mixes etc...might even be fun? The best thing is you decide what fruits go in.

For healthier eating - you could try making some food yourself. Maybe find some simple and healthy recipes which make use of what you do eat and ignore what you can't eat. They (who ever they are...the "experts" im assuming ) say by preparing the meal yourself you become more aware of it; so it might be worth a shot.

Those ideas are great. The others are good too, of course.

There are so many dancing styles, there might be one you like or want to try out.

You like swimming. Try to go the swimming pool as often as possible. I heard aquaerobics is very good to get fit. Basically, it's exercising in water.

What about going to the gym? You could just try out the apparatus you like. Besides, the people working at the gym are there to help their members, so you could ask them for advice.

You're out of breath so easily when you run? Start by going for a short run and don't run too fast. When you feel like it's getting better, run a bit faster and go for longer runs.

Don't you have a friend who would want to lose some weight or get fitter? I like doing sports with a friend, it's more fun that way. You can motivate each other.

Maybe you could search for information about all the sports you can practise in your town/city. There might be a sport you'd never thought of but which you would like to try out.

I hope one of these ideas will be helpful.

[claire_louise]

I wasn't really sure where to post this, so forgive me if it's in the wrong place...

I have a bit of an issue with food and exercise, basically. I don't eat vegetables and hardly any fruit, I'm quite hard to choose meals for and I'm even going off chicken and potatoes now which are the only healthy things I really eat. I basically have to have special meals put together, always modified for me. I know Kat's like that as well but at least she can swallow the vegetables, I can't even pick one up. I haven't eaten one for years, excluding potatoes. Basically all I eat is - Fish (not cod, more like seafood), Apples, Grapes, Noodles/Pasta (Again, only Pasta with cheese sauce or Pot noodle with no Veggie bits or sauce, just Chicken or Curry flavouring), Fried Chicken, bacon, sausages, Rice Cakes, Cheese, Junk Food (like Crisps, Choccie, Ice cream, Doughnuts etc), Chicken/Prawn Balls, Rice, Chicken Korma (strictly no onions), and a few other unhealthy things. Seeing as my food choice is a little limited regarding healthy stuff, and I eat rather a lot, I'm getting really chubby, which was never really an issue until about a year or so ago.

And Exercise, I don't play sports basically. I hate sports. I'm very very unfit and when I do the slightest bit of walking or running I'm out of breath so easily. I like Basketball, but I don't really know THAT much about it and when I joined the team I got out of breath so much I had to quit. The only exercise I like is Swimming but I don't get to do that so much.

Basically, I'm trying to lose a bit of weight, not just to be to be accepted at school (though that's definitely a reason) but mainly for myself as I look a bit like a troll to be honest and if I could lose some of that flab maybe I'd feel better of changing other things about me. SO I have to get fit first of all, any suggestions on an exercise plan? And then I have to find meals that I like and are healthy, and find a way to stop the binge eating after school because I'm upset and substitute my Junk Food Snacks with healthy ones that I like.

So, any suggestions on any of them? There's more to it but I don't think it's that important.

The reason you don't like healthy food and exercise is because you're not used to it, so if you're serious about improving your health you have to try and get used to it! Start off slowly, maybe by going swimming once a week if you can? Trying basketball again would also be good - the fact that you got out of breath just proved that you needed to be doing it! You don't necessarily have to join a team, maybe just get some friends to go along to the court with you?

As for food, there's no easy way round it - you're going to have to cut down on junk and start eating fruit and veg. There must be at least one vegetable you like?? What about doing spaghetti bolognese with some tinned tomatoes and fresh vegetables chopped up in the sauce? If you really hate vegetables it's easiest to chop them up and disguise them in sauces and stir-fries etc. Jacket potatoes are a really good, healthy meal if you have them with a healthy filling and salad, or maybe baked beans (they're a vegetable too)! Instead of fried chicken make sure you have it grilled or baked (same with bacon and sausages). You can do your own chicken in breadcrumbs quite easily if you don't mind cooking. Also make sure you eat a healthy breakfast as this will actually help you to lose weight better than skipping it altogether. Cereals are good but be careful of the sugar content - something like bran flakes or porridge is best (if you could bung in some fruit that would be even better), or wholemeal toast. I could go on and on but I think that will do for now! Feel free to PM me if you need any help. Good luck!

[Isobel]

Never mind, all is well

[emmasi]

This is stupid, but if anyone would like to give me some token reassurance... it'd be good. My friend was supposed to meet me at my brother's house tonight... but he never showed. I called his house and his parents said he wasn't there. I called again, and he still wasn't there. I called again, and again, and there was no answer... Now it's too late to call the house phone, and I don't have his mobile number, except on my mobile, but the battery's been dead for months and I lost the charger. So that's useless... So I came online to see if he was here, but he wasn't... so... I don't know where he is or what happened to him, and I don't know why his parents never answered the 3rd and 4th calls... I'm concerned that something's happened to him, and they've gone to the hospital or something, and of course no one would think to call me at a time like that... so... I'm being completely paranoid about it. I know I am. But... I need hugs

[claire_louise]

Don't worry Jem. It's more likely that you should be annoyed with him for blowing you out, rather than worried! But keep trying to get hold of him and you'll find out something before long. *hugs*

[emmasi]

He's still not online... I thought he might be on by now... Hasn't called either... I'm sort of scared to call the house again in case his parents do answer, and they expect him to be with me, and he's not, and then I have to explain it all...

*Takes hugs*