Cerise Posted February 25, 2008 Report Posted February 25, 2008 ^^ I agree. One of our good friends died last year, and although it's not the same circumstance, on the 12th of every month we do something in memory of her because it was Wednesday the 12th of September she died (RIP), so it might be nice to do something for your birth mother, even if you never had a relationship.
girl_from_uk Posted February 25, 2008 Report Posted February 25, 2008 Well on the date she died im going out wiv my sister coz she is taking me the places were our mam used 2 like and im going to visit her grave soon in a few weeks (as she isnt buried no where near where i live). it was jst coz i didnt know whether i should feel like i should miss her because both her and my dad treat me badly and now they have both died!!
Dazacoulls Posted March 2, 2008 Report Posted March 2, 2008 Anyone have any advice on how to help/deal a good mate out who has recently gone through something totally awful. His girlfriend hung herself on Boxing Day (I know its been a while but he's still not getting over it, I dealt he ever will but you know what I mean). . . He's gone through the stages of - Guilt (The had an argument that night just before but was nowt serious, lovers tiff), Anger (At her I think) and Dreams of her and nightmares and not sleeping. NOW he's smoking weed as he feels its an escape (I've told him it aint). And he's mentioned to me that he wants to see her again which means one thing. . . He wants to go see someone (which is good) but that Doc has said No as he's still going through the grieving stage or something so its down to me and a few other mates. . . Help please!!! He got over the GUILT as they found out that she suffered Bi-Polar Depression and she had tried killing herself a couple times before!! I don't really know how to help him. . . Any idea's please? Do you know if there are any other stages of grieving he is going to go through? Thank you.
carmelle Posted March 2, 2008 Report Posted March 2, 2008 Anyone have any advice on how to help/deal a good mate out who has recently gone through something totally awful. His girlfriend hung herself on Boxing Day (I know its been a while but he's still not getting over it, I dealt he ever will but you know what I mean). . . He's gone through the stages of - Guilt (The had an argument that night just before but was nowt serious, lovers tiff), Anger (At her I think) and Dreams of her and nightmares and not sleeping. NOW he's smoking weed as he feels its an escape (I've told him it aint). And he's mentioned to me that he wants to see her again which means one thing. . . He wants to go see someone (which is good) but that Doc has said No as he's still going through the grieving stage or something so its down to me and a few other mates. . . Help please!!! He got over the GUILT as they found out that she suffered Bi-Polar Depression and she had tried killing herself a couple times before!! I don't really know how to help him. . . Any idea's please? Do you know if there are any other stages of grieving he is going to go through? Thank you. I can't believe a doctor said no to helping. Maybe a grief counsellor can be of more help because he or she would specialise in this area? You could try that. I'm sorry if this isn't really helpful. It's great that you and your friends are being so supportive, so keep that up but it sounds like a professional would be able to help more. I hope that things will start to get better soon.
~Lynd~ Posted March 12, 2008 Report Posted March 12, 2008 My best friend has been going out with her boyfriend for 4 months and last week he was admitted to a Psych ward.She told me last night that when one of the other patients said something about her when she was visiting,staff had to stop him from decking the person.Yes,in a Psych ward,how smart! Anyway,she also told me that doctors have told her not to get a job for now because they won't let him out unless there's someone to watch him.They also said don't take a step back as family and friends have suggested because he'd take it as rejection.When he gets out he'll go on a disability pension and her on a carers and they'll live in a DOH house. People thought maybe she should take a step back as they've been together such a short time and are practically married which may have caused this.She doesn't have a job and now neither does he and he took on the responbility for both of them which is quite stressful.But as i said,doctors advised against it. I'm really worried about her.She's only 20 and shouldn't have to take care of him to make sure he doesn't top himself and she she shouldn't feel pressured to stay with him for the same reason.I've told her as much but she just gets defensive and says she won't and she's not. She says she loves him but this is her first serious relationship and i'm scared she's looking at it through rose coloured glasses.People with mental illness's often have a ongoing battle with depression.their meds,and are in a Psych ward more then once,etc.She should get out and experience more before she decides she wants her life to be like that. I'm in no way saying they don't deserve to be happy,they do but i feel like she has no idea what she's gotten herself into and she's only young.We don't know what he might say or do,he's already displayed violent tendencies when things don't go his way,etc,someone says something he doesn't like. I guess the point of me posting this is how do i support her in something i don't support myself?I feel like i need to try,she's always been there for me when i need her but i have no idea how.If she goes through with this relationship there's going to be some really tough times ahead.She was crying and telling me she missed me the other night but it's her fault we haven't seen each other in 2 months.They want to get married when he gets out and she wants me to be matron of honour...In a wedding i don't support...fun! I'm not sure if i'm making any sence and i sencerely apologize if i've offended anyone. I also apologize for the length of this post!
carmelle Posted March 13, 2008 Report Posted March 13, 2008 It's a really tough situtation, but if you really feel that strongly about it and cannot support her then you need to be honest with her. I think you should tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. 20 is far too young to be having to deal with something like this and they haven't really been together for that long. Maybe if someone else is honest with her and can really explain to her exactly what she's going to be getting herself in to may be can then she be honest with herself instead of seeing through those rose coloured glasses. On that note - I think it's really unfair that the doctors are suggesting how she handles this. The added pressure from his family doesn't help things. She's only 20. She needs to be putting herself first. The guy would still have his family, friends and doctors, which is a lot more than what a lot of other people out there have. Maybe your friend feels that if she steps back she'd be seen as a bad person/being selfsish/making the wrong choice - which would not be the case. I hate to say this but if she decides to stay with her boyfriend and later on realises she can't handle the situation and chooses to leave... things are probably going to get much worse for him. The choice that she makes here could possibly determine the rest of her life. I really hope she makes the choice that is right for her and her boyfriend. Talk to her and be honest. I'm sorry if what I've written doesn't help.
Pierced Musie Posted March 15, 2008 Report Posted March 15, 2008 I've become friends with the most beautiful woman I have ever met. My other friend wasn't at college yesterday and we were discussing the next module, which is debating and 20 minute presentations. The tutor was going round us to see if anyone had an idea and I did, so told them (got a few strange looks but in an okay way). Afterwards, when we had time to kill this woman said she thought my idea was fascinating. We talked for about an hour and she is just amazing... and in another of my classes as well. We have a lot in common! I think I have my first friend crush
claire_louise Posted March 15, 2008 Report Posted March 15, 2008 Aaw Jess, don't worry! You never know, having someone so good looking around might mean that even more beautiful people gravitate towards you. And the fact that someone gorgeous can actually hold a decent conversation is a rare thing. Enjoy having such a great friend!
Cerise Posted March 15, 2008 Report Posted March 15, 2008 I feel upset for no reason. Suddenly I feel all floppy and just who cares. Bad thing? I just feel like there's no reason for anything and have that feeling that I had when I was depressed...
carmelle Posted March 15, 2008 Report Posted March 15, 2008 I feel upset for no reason. Suddenly I feel all floppy and just who cares. Bad thing? I just feel like there's no reason for anything and have that feeling that I had when I was depressed... Awwww! I hope you're feeling happier soon.
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