Support Group

[Barbara]

Well, school is important but so is grieving. I don't know when your exams start but if you need a day off, why don't you take a day off this weekend unless your exams start next week? It might do you some good.

3 of my grandparents died during the summer, so I didn't have school to worry about.

[Cerise]

HM, School isn't important. I mean, it is, but WHO THE HELL CARES? If you need to take time off, take it off. If you haven't had time to deal with your granddad you have to take the time, because you simply cannot go to school while having all this locked up inside you. That's what I've learnt. Go to school, you become depressed. Simple.

[flyingwithoutwings]

Valli, I understand COMPLETELY what you're going through. My grandmother passed away 6 months ago [i'm still in denial that it's been that long], a few days after one of my cats died, so I didn't grieve properly over either of them and I'm still not over it. I would cry myself to sleep, cry at the slightest mention of something to do with them or death in general. And everytime someone asked me if I was OK [when CLEARLY I wasn't] I'd just say I'm fine and somehow deny that I was grieving and that it had happened at all. I'm terrified of death now. Only these past 2 or so months have I started to feel 'happier' so to speak, but I'm still not the way I used to be.

Basically, what I'm saying is if sitting alone, remembering your grandfather, is what you need to do, then do it. Who cares about what people think, and how this is going to effect your schooling. It'll be effected 10x more if you don't grieve and if you block it all out. Do what you need to do, when you need to do it. Care about yourself.

I know I don't give very good advice, but I'm drawing on past experience. It's different for everybody. If you ever want to talk, just PM me.

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Ok, now my problem. Well, it's not a problem and seems SO insignificant to everyone else, but referring back to what I just said, how I used to be depressed and all, well, I'm getting better now, but now I'm kinda the opposite. I seem, I don't know, a little TOO happy sometimes. Like, I've gone from being sad, to happy, but it feels weird. I feel like I'm betraying my grandmother and my cat by being happy... if that makes sense... I guess I don't know how I feel, or how I'm meant to feel...

[Jamey-Maria]

Yeah I know, that's not what I meant; I am ready to give it up, I just don't want to go back there. I've been twice in the past, and I know it's all for my benefit it just makes me feel trapped.

Firstly, if you don't mind me asking are they serious drugs or lighter stuf, like canibas? And are there any other ways of getting clean without going to rehab? Maybe if you spoke to your mum (and or a doctor) about the fact that you've been there twice and it hasn't done you any good she'd be more open to the option of another method of helping of you. There's obviously some sort of issue that they're not getting to with you about why you take them. I hope it doesn't come across as patronising at all, it definitley wasn't my intention.

[KaitieL]

Well, first I said I'd like to be a Teacher.

"Do you really think judging from your performance this year so far you'll get the grades to go into education, Katarin?" (Stop using my full name, lady.)

Then I said I'd like to do something to do with Art.

*Pulls out my art folder*

"I'm not going to lie to you, Katarin, not many Job opportunities arise with the way you draw." (That's both insulting and totally off mark. I know I can draw, WHAT I draw may not always be very realistic but I can draw whatever the hell I want. And she used my full name.)

Then I said something about liking writing.

"I can see that, but from what I've seen from your stuff you may not be able to keep up with the standard in a Journalism course, Katarin." (Like I WANT to go to Uni to study that anyway.)

I said something about liking Photography.

"Yes, but that's not a very solid career with a big wage, is it, Katarin?" (I don't care about money, and secondly, my name is Kat.)

Then I'm really sick of it and say how about I work in a cafe as a waitress for the rest of time.

"That would be perfect for you, Kat."

She was very insulting and rude.

She sounds like a b****. Do you even want to go to uni when you finish school? My advice: don't go unless you're 100% sure of what you want. And even then, I think you should take year off before you do. I started uni, did a semester of teaching, hated it and left. Now I will never go back because it was such a bad experience it's put me off. It's not what I wanted to do. Glad I didn't finish my degree though. Ran into a friend that was in the same class and she can't find a job anywhere and has been out of uni for a couple of years now.

I'm 22 and I still don't know what I want to 'be when I grow up.' And I don't care anymore. I think as long as you make enough to support yourself, who cares?

[Cerise]

I finished school last year, and this is my gap year. I've basically had almost 12 months to decide whether I want to go to uni or not, but to be honest, although I've applied, I don't think I want to. My Mom wants me to, though.

[KaitieL]

If you're not sure. Don't.

Do they have something like TAFE where you are? (Wherever that may be). Here TAFE is a teritary college where you can do certain qualifications (Certificate III, IV, V, Diplomas in certain subjects etc). It doesn't take as long and it might give you a better idea of what you want to do. I did a Cert III in Business Admin. It only took me 6 months (usually takes 12) to do and it was work based, so I was getting paid while doing it.

[Cerise]

I don't think we have something like TAFE in Ireland, but there's something about Home Courses, so you learn at home, practically get a degree without going to Uni. I'm not sure about it, I just over-heard a conversation about that. I don't know if it would be right for me anyway, but it would beat actually going to Uni. To be honest I'd keep my Starbucks job and make a living off minimum wage, it's not like I have to support anyone but myself. Funny that I used to be so sure of what I wanted to do, even had many different options, but that Guidance Counsellor bitch totally destroyed it all. My main plan (influenced partially by my mom) was to get a degree in History and Literature, then go on to become a secondary school teacher - ideally History, English and CSPE (Civic, Social and Political Education). If I decided the year of History and Literature degree, 3 years of training to be a teacher and 1 and a half years of HDIP (5 and a half years, if I started next year I'd be 24/25 by the time I'd done) would be too much, I'd go to uni and major in Art, Photography and Journalism. But, yeah, that was sort of crushed by GCB.

But now, I don't think I could face going to Uni, just like going back to school, and I hated School.

[rising-flame]

The uni from home you're refering to I think is the Open University, and it's something i highly recommend. I spent four years at uni, completed teh course but didn't pass my finals, and consequently am finishing my degree with the open uni. What i'm doing is a BA Hons Open, which means i have to do a majority of arts courses, but that's the limitation on what courses i do. You can pick the courses you're actually interested in, which is a much better way of doing it.

www.open.ac.uk it's worth checking out cause there's no time limit on how long it takes to get a degree, plus there are some residential courses, and there's a course that takes place in Majorca, an astronomy course.

If you're not sure you want to go to uni, don't be forced into it, you'll regret it.

[claire_louise]

The uni from home you're refering to I think is the Open University, and it's something i highly recommend. I spent four years at uni, completed teh course but didn't pass my finals, and consequently am finishing my degree with the open uni. What i'm doing is a BA Hons Open, which means i have to do a majority of arts courses, but that's the limitation on what courses i do. You can pick the courses you're actually interested in, which is a much better way of doing it.

www.open.ac.uk it's worth checking out cause there's no time limit on how long it takes to get a degree, plus there are some residential courses, and there's a course that takes place in Majorca, an astronomy course.

If you're not sure you want to go to uni, don't be forced into it, you'll regret it.

I'm with the OU too, and I can't recommend it highly enough. Some people assume that because it's a distance learning course you're basically cast adrift with no help or support, but that's not the case at all. You have a tutor and group tutorials are scheduled on a regular basis (attendance optional), plus there are study days organised for most courses and some have week-long residential schools, so it's really up to you how much you get involved. It's also a lot better financially - all my friends have massive student debts, whilst I get my fees paid for me and am able to work part-time, so I'm actually in profit!

Kat, if you want to know anything else I'm happy to answer PMs. Don't get pushed into anything you're not sure about - I made that mistake and ended up at a university I hated, doing a course that wasn't right for me. I ended up wasting a year of my life being miserable, so I'm not about to make that mistake again!