Support Group

[rising-flame]

This isn't so much a problem that needs to be sorted, or sorts, i really just needed somewhere to vent.

I went to my cousins wedding on saturday night and after discovering that the very cute best man was already married, i met a really nice guy who was a friend of the groom. We got chatting for ages, and when i brought up facebook he said he was on there, and told me his log in name.

I sent him a message on sunday when i got back home, and then tuesday morning (may have been monday) i got into work, checked my facebook page and there was a message from him as well as a friend request.

In his message he said he hoped we would meet up again sometime which i took as a positive thing.

however, my actual problem is that i now haven't heard from him since tuesday (i did reply) which isn't surprising as he's in Houston for 5 weeks on a work training course and therefore probably doesn't have much access to email or time, but i keep checking my facebook account to see if i've had a response. Bassically i've let my mind become way to emotionally invested too quickly, and i can't seem to do anything about it. it's always happening.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Rant over, thanks for listening and goodnight.

[claire_louise]

This isn't so much a problem that needs to be sorted, or sorts, i really just needed somewhere to vent.

I went to my cousins wedding on saturday night and after discovering that the very cute best man was already married, i met a really nice guy who was a friend of the groom. We got chatting for ages, and when i brought up facebook he said he was on there, and told me his log in name.

I sent him a message on sunday when i got back home, and then tuesday morning (may have been monday) i got into work, checked my facebook page and there was a message from him as well as a friend request.

In his message he said he hoped we would meet up again sometime which i took as a positive thing.

however, my actual problem is that i now haven't heard from him since tuesday (i did reply) which isn't surprising as he's in Houston for 5 weeks on a work training course and therefore probably doesn't have much access to email or time, but i keep checking my facebook account to see if i've had a response. Bassically i've let my mind become way to emotionally invested too quickly, and i can't seem to do anything about it. it's always happening.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Rant over, thanks for listening and goodnight.

I wouldn't worry, it's just something girls do! It's infuriating that we can't just relax and let things happen naturally, but from my experience I'd say most of us are the same. Obviously you like him and it's natural to be excited about it, but just remember that you don't know him very well and he might still turn out to be an idiot! But this time last week you didn't even know him, and your life wasn't any the worse for it was it? So if it all goes pear-shaped you won't have lost anything. In the meantime just try to keep occupied with other things so you don't obsess about it too much - go out with friends, go on a shopping spree, watch a film, bake a cake! Lol I don't know, just anything that usually cheers you up.

Good luck, I hope things turn out well!

[rising-flame]

Thank you for that, it's what i needed to hear. I'm actually being good and have stopped thinking about it so much (been having too much fun at work making things with double sided sticky tape and paper).

[emmasi]

Emmasi, sounds like you're in a real bind and not happy. firstly, it doesn't matter what background you're from, rich, poor, white black etc you're no less important than anyone else.

In an ideal world, without any of that stuff weighing you down and holding you back, what would your ideal job be? for me it would be screenwriting. having something like that, a dream can occassionally help, what would yours be, no matter how unrealistic people have told you, there's no reason why you can't acheive it.

I don't really have a dream job. That's sort of the problem. There's nothing I feel that I'd be willing to commit myself to 100%. All my life I was told that I should be an artist, so that's what I believed I should be, and I never really considered doing anything else. The thing is I didn't really enjoy studying art at all, I just wanted to DO it, and I didn't want to be told that there was a right and wrong way to that, because that's not what I think art is about. Art is about expressing yourself, not about expressing "society's" issues. Who cares about society? I don't. But suddenly I can't draw a cat and be happy with it because my love and appreciation for animals is meaningless to "real art."

Which is why I now hate "real art" and "real artists." Give me "Sunday painters" and "illustrators" any day

I suppose what I would like to do is write and illustrate my own books, but I've never really understood why I need a university degree to do that. What I DO need however is inspiration, commitment, and the self-confidence to know when I have something good to run with... I'm working on that, but outside influences never help.

If you're not sure you want to go to uni, don't be forced into it, you'll regret it.

HERE, HERE!!!!!

(Or is it hear hear ?)

Anyway, thanks for the reply. Really appreciate it

[claire_louise]

Funnily enough, I got into a sort-of argument with a friend at work about the uni issue yesterday. We were all talking about another colleague's nephew, who has given up a place at a really good university because he doesn't want to move away from his girlfriend. Everyone was saying how stupid he is, but I said that I couldn't really criticise him as I left Nottingham Uni (which is ranked something like 4th or 5th in the country I think) after one semester and transferred to the OU. Anyway, this friend of mine (who is a lot older than me, like my parents' age) started saying how wrong she thought I was, and basically implying that I was ungrateful and that I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I told her that I didn't think it was the wrong decision, as I was so unhappy at Nottingham Uni that I ended up having a breakdown, and should I really have stuck it out and caused myself three years of misery and possibly long-term damage to my health? What she said upset me as I love her to bits and really care about what she thinks of me, but I still maintain that what I did was the best thing for me and no one else should be allowed to judge when it's really none of their business! So to anyone out there who feels pressured into something they aren't happy with, I say stick to your guns.

[carmelle]

Funnily enough, I got into a sort-of argument with a friend at work about the uni issue yesterday. We were all talking about another colleague's nephew, who has given up a place at a really good university because he doesn't want to move away from his girlfriend. Everyone was saying how stupid he is, but I said that I couldn't really criticise him as I left Nottingham Uni (which is ranked something like 4th or 5th in the country I think) after one semester and transferred to the OU. Anyway, this friend of mine (who is a lot older than me, like my parents' age) started saying how wrong she thought I was, and basically implying that I was ungrateful and that I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I told her that I didn't think it was the wrong decision, as I was so unhappy at Nottingham Uni that I ended up having a breakdown, and should I really have stuck it out and caused myself three years of misery and possibly long-term damage to my health? What she said upset me as I love her to bits and really care about what she thinks of me, but I still maintain that what I did was the best thing for me and no one else should be allowed to judge when it's really none of their business! So to anyone out there who feels pressured into something they aren't happy with, I say stick to your guns.

Yes stick to your guns indeed!

Sure this friend of yours may think you made the wrong choice but that's only because she can't understand why you made the choices you made. Nor is she ever going to fully understand unless she stands in your shoes and experiences what you did. So looks like it's going to have to be a case of agreeing to disagree on this one.

A friend of mine decided to transfer uni after her first year as she was so miserable and hated everything about the uni and course but because of where she wanted to transfer to she was asked to repeat first year again, which she agreed to do after much debating. A lot of people (including some our close friends) criticised her for wasting a year of her life and so much money in the process but I have always supported her decision and I can see that even though it's been hard for her she made the right choice for her. She is enjoying the course much more and is adjusting to life in this new uni as well as can be expected. It would have been easier for her to just see the three years through at her initial uni even if that meant she was unhappy for the most of it. Making the change has been difficult and I have to say I think she has been very brave throughout it and am proud of her. Lots of people would have just not bothered and even more would not have been fortunate enough to get a second chance. I think if you're unhappy about where you find yourself then do something about it, if you can, otherwise you're going to regret it.

[emmasi]

I can't answer that. I struggle with the question myself on a daily basis, and it's not even prompted by the death of friends or family, just the knowledge that it's an inevitability and that everyone will leave sooner or later, especially when you least expect it. I heard a quote today (in an ad for a cartoon of all places), "Life is a joke and death is the punchline." I wish I could tell you the point to that and the pain we suffer just thinking about it, let alone going through it.

I suppose the only consolation you can take at all right now is that your friend's brother knew that your friendship was real, and that you needed to know what had happened. I have friends in my off-line life and I worry that if something happens to them, no one will tell me about it until it's all over and done with. I can't imagine being so close to someone online and just having them disappear one day and never knowing why.

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you

[emmasi]

Mate, don't apologies. You've got me in tears over here. An empty shell - that's how I felt for a lot of last week, and that was just after a fight with a best friend that, in all honesty, I hardly see these days anyway. But the relationship you're describing there reminds me so much of my other best friend, who I do see in real life but most of our time is spent chatting online. Just about the things you say, tv and the like, stuff that doesn't seem that important at the time, but when it's gone... God, I remember a time when he went away for a week without telling me, and I didn't want to call his house because a. I didn't want to look like a freak, and b. I wasn't ready to hear it if something HAD happened... so... in a really really really incredibly minute way... I think I understand a little of what you're going through. Still, I can't imagine actually being there. I don't know if there's anything anyone can say to you to make you feel any better...

Okay, here's a really stupid and random thing - I'm watching a show on psychic detectives... now, I believe in an afterlife and a spirit realm... and I believe that people who have died can hear us when we're reaching out to them... so... this is going to sound weird and I hope you're not insulted by it... but maybe when Saturday rolls around, and you're thinking of him anyway... maybe just write an email to him and keep it in your sent folder? Lord, I teared up so much writing that lol... I know it sounds stupid but it might make you feel better if you can feel like he's still with you.

I don't know. Like I said, I've never lost someone, but when my friends are offline and I want to talk to them, even if I have nothing to say... I'll send them an email... just trying to imagine it if my friend died... I think... if I could bring myself to stay online at all... that's what I'd do.

I'm sorry, I really wish I could say something more useful

[carmelle]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you must be feeling and even then it won't resemble anything to what you're actually going through. It's going to be hard to let go and move on but eventually, when you're ready, you will. You will probably find it hard to watch these shows for a while, but I'm sure that when you do, you will remember your friend and the happiness that he brought in to your life and the happiness that you brought into his life.

It's ok to believe that your friend has gone on to a better place even if you dont believe in God. Where ever your friend is now I'm sure a part of him will always live on in your heart and be with you where ever you go and when ever you watch your shows. You might not realise it but, your heart won't be empty - your friend will be in it.

I'm sorry if I can't be any more helpful than this.

[Cerise]

I don't know what to say. You two were obviously very close, and I was almost in tears reading it. And I know from (very recent) experience that it will be hard, I won't lie to you. It will pain you to think about him, to think about what he loved, to do what both you and him had in common. You'll grieve like the next person who loses a friend will. But the positive thing is, it gets better. It may not seem like it, but it does. I used to believe everything happens for a reason, but when my best friend died in September I stopped believing it because what possible reason could there be for Sara to be taken from us so cruelly. One day you'll wake up and it will seem like a normal day and you'll lead a normal life for a few weeks and then it will hit you that part of you has forgotten, moved on. People say life goes on, only ONE part of life goes on, the life you lead every single day, but one part of you stays with your friend wherever he may be. And when you realize that, that's when you accept it. This will take time, of course. The next few months will probably be tough for you, so I'd recommend talking to someone, not a counsellor unless you feel you need to, but your parents, relatives, friends, people online, or even here. Sorry I can't be of that much help, but feel free to PM me anytime.