Support Group

[yannick]

First of all I'd like to say I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

There was a time I felt the same. I lost a few very special people in a short period of time, and I just couldn't get my head around it. I rejected everything (faith, religion,...), and I couldn't understand why people had to go through the pain of losing someone. And it's taking me quite a while to get over these feelings. And it all changed a few months ago. I was helping my grandmother cleaning out her closets. And we found a few things from when she was really young, and she said to me, I am getting old aren't I? And then she went on saying here time would probably come soon. I responded with the stereotypical "Don't say that", but she wouldn't have any of it. And she said to me that it was ok. For a lot of people death is the worst thing, but she told me she has never been scared of it. Eventhough it's painful saying goodbye to anyone, she always embraces the time she had with the person instead of focusing on the time they will never have together. No matter how long someone has been in your life (a month, a year, all your life), they have been a part of it, and they have formed you in one way or another, and therefor that person has had a purpose. Every single person that has left us (an unborn baby, a mother, a friend, ... anyone, all of them) has had some kind of purpose.

And that is something that really got to me, and it has changed my views on a lot of things. We are here, and yes, we will die one day, so why not embrace all these beautiful moments you have with someone. If you are aware of them and treasure them, then it is easier to see everyone has a purpose. And that makes the loss of a loved one more bearable (for me atleast).

And I also don't believe people just disappear once they die. They're still close to me, even if it's only their memory. That's why I still talk to them. When I feel alone and I can't talk to anyone about something, I close my eyes and think about my grandfather (who I was really close to) and I just start talking to him as if he was here with me. And he won't answer or he doesn't give advice, but that's ok, just the thought he is here (even if only in my memory) gives me something to hold on to.

That's also why I've decided that if someone close to me dies I'm no longer gonna go to their funeral. The funerals I've been to have had such a huge impact on me, because it really felt like the person was completely gone and they were completely erased. But that's not what I believe in, they are not gone. Their physical presence is no longer here, but I still feel them, so it wouldn't feel right being at a funeral.

Anyway, that's my view on life/death, I hope it made sense, it's not easy trying to express these kind of feelings

[Eli]

I feel bad for posting this, it's just ridiculous high school love stuff, and more a question than a request for support. There's this guy I've known for five years now, we went to junior high together, and now we go to high school together. We haven't been close friends, but we have been kinda friends-y from time to time, and especially over the last few weeks/months we've been hanging out a lot more and spending time together, even if it hasn't really been just the two of us that much.

I could be interested in more than friendship, but I'm afraid I'm gonna wreck the friendship if I directly suggest something or come on too strongly, as he's kinda sending me mixed signals... Sometimes he don't seem interested at all, almost like he's definitely NOT interested, but at the same time aware that I am, other times he's suddenly asking me to start hanging out with him and his (our) friends more or saying that he misses me if I'm not there etc. I don't know, like I said he's sending me mixed signals and I don't know how much I should read into stuff.

[renatexx]

The best way to find out is to ask him, I guess.

[Eli]

Yeah... I probably should... But I'm afraid it will make things awkward :/

[renatexx]

I understand.. But, if you really are good friends, I don't think it will be awkward.

[Eli]

Yeah... We're not that close though... I don't know... I'm probably going to see him tomorrow, and I think he was planning on drinking (I'm not) so maybe he'll start talking

[Cal]

Ask him when he is drunk. He won't remember a thing.

That can be a tricky one, Eli. Maybe you can talk to your girlfriends about it. They may be able to ask him without it being suspicious. Did that make sense? I confuse myself these days.

[Eli]

Hehe, yeah that makes sense I don't know though.... We're all very obvious people

But thanks for replying, both of you

[renatexx]

Haha, that's a good idea!

[~Lynd~]

Apparently i'm a whinging depressed b!tch so i apologize if i've p!ssed anyone off lately.

Jem,hun i appreciate your honesty.Thanks .