Support Group

[claire_louise]

Could you talk to your gp about trying a different medication? There must be other options, right? And if you find out anything positive, please let me know, as I might try it myself! I'm not in exactly the same position as you, I have a part-time job and I'm studying for a degree (albeit through distance learning), but I do have agoraphobia and I know how bad it feels. When you say you don't want to do anything, that you just want to stay inside where it's safe, I can totally relate to that. But when you look at it on a deeper level, is that actually what you want, or just what feels comfortable because of your illness? Putting it another way, if someone could give you a magic pill that made you feel 'normal', so that you were able to get a job and do whatever with your life and feel totally fine about it, would you still want to stay inside and not do anything? I know I wouldn't, but maybe that's just me.

[emmasi]

It's my mum's birthday next month. I'd like to be myself for it. I'm going to start taking daily vitamins and allergy pills (I have a theory that I'm pretty much allergic to everything these days, and that makes me feel sick and lethargic - if I can get rid of that maybe I'll feel better in general). If I don't feel any better by the end of the month when I know I should be physically healthier... then I'll have to accept that the way I feel is strictly mental and I will go to the doctor. Either that, or there's something REALLY physically wrong with me and if that's the case, then I should probably get that checked out too . I am a hypochondriac though. If even hear of a disease or condition, I have it. I'm currently "battling" diabetes, numerous forms of cancer (including skin, breast, lung, kidney, and brain), a heart condition, hemophilia, anemia, chronic fatigue, Alzheimer's, alcoholism, Aspergers, depression, agoraphobia, an addiction to erotic asphyxiation (sure I haven't actually done it yet but if I did I would be addicted!) and the possibility that I may have been born a hermaphrodite, but it just hasn't come up yet. Probably shouldn't watch All Saints so much lol. (I also think I may have been cursed by a witch who's son I was mean to in primary school...) But you can see why I'm reluctant to go to a doctor... I already know how unlikely it is for me to have any of these things - including clinical depression - so I don't want to be the idiot who goes to the doctor and demands to waste everyone's time and money to test for everything under the sun. And if it turns out I do have anything... then what? What am I going to do about it if I have cancer, for example? I'm not one of those people who would fight valiantly for life, I'm one of the ones who'd lie down and wait for it to be over. I already know how selfish that is, because I should fight for my family and friends, and for all those people who really don't have any choice in the matter... but... *shrug.* I don't know what else to tell you. I think I'd rather be a statistic so someone else doesn't have to be.

I did get checked for diabetes last year - didn't have it. And I'd convinced myself of that one... so... I don't know what to believe about everything else.

[rising-flame]

The drug i'm on is fluoxetine, which is prozac, but i find it good, it helps with teh depression but i'm still me. I haven't lost my sense of self at all.

[emmasi]

I've had a couple of friends on Zoloft and they both tell me it's crap, and yet that's what a doctor gave me... and I'd trust my friends who have been on it over a doctor who's probably getting paid to prescribe it. But my whole problem is self-confidence - or the lack of - so... I'm going to feel pretty stupid going in there and saying that I don't want to go on the prescribed medication because my friends told me not to . If I go I'll mention that one... but prozac has such a stigma attached to it. I don't believe it, but I don't want people to believe it about me either... if that makes sense... Actually, there's a stigma attached to any medication, which is also a major reason I've been putting it off, so I guess it doesn't really make a difference.

I know I'm just being stupid and making excuses. It would all be so much easier if I was just NORMAL

[rising-flame]

where's the fun in being normal. And i must admit i tend to use the name Fluoexotine rather than prozac!

[Isobel]

Edit: So things went from bad to freaking hell.

So mother dear hung up on me because I said that I do not want to go back to uni next semester. I never said never, I just said not next semester. I don't know what I want, so how can she expect that of me? I waited, then called her back and she said she doesn't want to talk about it, and hung up again. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't want to talk about it. Here's me thinking it was my life.

But then things calmed down again. I should have known it was just the eye of the storm...

Now I'm immature because I don't want to talk to her (Oh, I WONDER WHY?!), stupid for god knows what reason and whatever the hell else I am tonight. Apparently, most other parents would have kicked their children out of home by now. For what? Not knowing what I want to do with my life? Wtf??!

She just went off her bloody rocker. Fully yelling and screaming and saying how she's such a good parent and that she does soooo much for me, even my Aunty says that. Well, I'm sorry, I WANT to stand on my two feet, but you won't let me. Maybe if you stopped babying me, stop nosing into my life, stop wanting to know everything that's going on in my world and stop assuming that just because I'm only twenty, that life is a walk down easy street. Just stop!

And now she's claiming my phone and my laptop don't belong to me because they were gifts. What the hell? Is that some lame attempt at holding power over me?

And I pissed off one my best friends. Yes, okay, I'm having one hell of a day and it was wrong to take it out on her, I get that, but I just wish she was online and not ignoring my calls. I miss her.

Ready to smash something.

[emmasi]

And now she's claiming my phone and my laptop don't belong to me because they were gifts. What the hell? Is that some lame attempt at holding power over me?

I've watched enough Judge Judy to know that a gift is your property - it was GIVEN to you, therefore whoever bought it has no claim to ownership. Besides which, possession is 9/10ths of the law, so there

[claire_louise]

And now she's claiming my phone and my laptop don't belong to me because they were gifts. What the hell? Is that some lame attempt at holding power over me?

I've watched enough Judge Judy to know that a gift is your property - it was GIVEN to you, therefore whoever bought it has no claim to ownership. Besides which, possession is 9/10ths of the law, so there

Totally agree. You can't just expect something back because you've fallen out with the person you gave the gift to! If you break up with a partner you don't expect them to give back all the presents you've ever given them, do you? It's the same principle - just because she's your mum doesn't mean she owns you or the things she's given you.

[rising-flame]

If you're an only child, the thought of you growing up probably scares the hell out of her, hence why she's still trying to control you. She possibly still sees you as her little girl and doesn't want to let go. Hang in there

[KaitieL]

I don't know how to put this but I'm thinking about seperating from my husband. I've been thinking about it for a while now, I guess the more I think about it, the longer I've realised I've been thinking it. If that makes sense. We've been married for less than 6 months, but have been together for three years. We have a son together and I fell pregnant before we had been together for less than a year. Back then I thought he was the one I was going to marry and have kids with so it didn't bother me really that it was happening that early. We had already talked about marriage and kids, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I was only 20 and I realise that I was way too young.

Everything is just getting too much for me. I decided to quit my job to stay at home with the baby, while he works full time and gets whatever over time he can. But it's like that's all that he does; works. He's lazy with the housework and I know that I'm not the neatest person, but I feel like I'm the only one that does the cleaning, cooking and washing and looking after the baby. I'm not saying that he doesn't do nothing, just not often enough. He comes home and goes either straight on the computer or the x box. I try not to say anything because he has been working all day, but so have I. Our son is a full on active toddler and I'm forever running around after him. I don't get a break.

Because I don't work, the bills are starting to pile up and we never have money to do anything. We've borrowed god knows how much money off his mum and because his parents own the house we live in, it's rent free. Or whenever we can pay rent, we do. I hate asking his parents for money but he seems to have no problem with it.

We hardly spend anytime with each other anymore and we don't 'talk' anymore. The only chance we really get is late at night, in bed. And he's usually asleep and gets cranky if I start talking. I don't know if I love him anymore. I've been feeling like this for ages and although I don't know if I'll ever get the guts to tell him this. I've been really moody lately and he knows something is wrong, but he would never ask or want to talk about it. It's the way he's always been. He won't talk about anything serious. His grandmother passes away a few weeks ago and hasn't said a word about it or how he's feeling.

To make things worse, I think I had/still have feelings for one of his friends. I'd never act on them and never tell him. I think it was because I could talk to him. His mates took me out (without my husband) last year, to get me out of the house and away from the baby for a night. We got drunk and It all came out to him how I was feeling about everything. That I was scared of getting married, I wasn't sure and that I had been a bit depressed since the baby was born. It was easier to talk to him because I knew that my husband wouldn't respond the same way. I don't see him anymore and it's probably for the best.

I probably sound like I'm whinging, but I really need to tell someone and get it off my chest. I can't even bring myself to talk to my mother or sister (we're very close) about it. I feel like a failure and don't see the point in going on. My son is the only thing that is keeping me here. I don't think I love him anymore and I think that the only thing that is keeping us together is our son. I don't feel appreciated. I feel like my life has been taken away from me. That I'll never have a career or get to travel. I never got to do those things before I settled down and I don't think I will.