Support Group

[Dean]

Because I started school when I was 4 turning 5, I do have the extra year to take off as well, which is what I will do probably...

[Cal]

I started school when I was 3. Now I'm 17 trying to plan my whole future. But Kat, don't go if you don't want to. Seriously. You have the rest of your life for college. Also, if you finally decide what to do in 5 years time, you can apply for a course through the Mature Applicant thing (you have to be over 23). It's interview based, so they don't look at LC results.

I'm definitely not going to college until I'm 100% sure what I'm doing.

[Jess]

^^ I certainly see your point, Cal, although I'm doing the exact opposite!

I'm going to uni because I have no idea what I wanna do. Okay, so not quite. I love Italian, so I think I've made a pretty wise decision to carry on with it next year, but as far as jobs go, etc, don't have a flipping clue. How we're meant to even come close to a decision (unless you're one of these lucky people who know they wanna be a doctor, or something) at 17/18 years old is beyond me! There's every possibility I won't do something actually related to my degree (single honours Italian) but, hopefully, with all the life experience behind me I'll be some way towards knowing what I want. Not saying that you have to go to uni to get the experience, or anything, I just know that, personally, I'm too lazy for anything else to be able to be of use!

[carmelle]

I was never sure about what I wanted to study at uni but regardless I went straight to uni after college. I was half hearted about the courses I applied for. I am now almost half way through; 2 years done with 2 more to go and I have just realised I really don't like my course and one reason for this is because I have finally realised what I want to study more than anything and I'm stuck in a rut.

I have already spent so much money paying for tution fees, travel and living arrangements, then there's all the time and effort I have put into my 2 years so far. I really am not sure what I'm going to do or where I'm heading.

All I can say is if you're not sure about your uni choice/course or have even the slightest doubt then take a year or two out and decide what it is you really want. Work, travel, think, make the right choices. It is so much better to take a few years out deciding what to do with your life than just jumping into something half heartedly and then finding yourself somewhere where you really don't want to be.

Think things through and make the right decisions. You can never get back time that has been wasted!

[Pierced Musie]

Not really a problem, just a quick update.

I'm still at college and have an exam tomorrow, which I am struggling to revise for due to bad throat and stupid medication. The medication for the throat stops my depression tablets from working so I am all over the friggin place. At least I have picked out the subjects for September. I have been taken off Job Seekers because they finally realized I am not ready for a job. I'm waiting to hear back about Income Support but it has taken a huge weight off my shoulders, plus means I can focus on other things.

[Mez83]

Good on you Jess. You're doing so awesome. Going to college is such a huge step for you. High fives all around!

[~Lynd~]

My best friend has been going out with her boyfriend for 4 months and last week he was admitted to a Psych ward.She told me last night that when one of the other patients said something about her when she was visiting,staff had to stop him from decking the person.Yes,in a Psych ward,how smart!

Anyway,she also told me that doctors have told her not to get a job for now because they won't let him out unless there's someone to watch him.They also said don't take a step back as family and friends have suggested because he'd take it as rejection.When he gets out he'll go on a disability pension and her on a carers and they'll live in a DOH house.

People thought maybe she should take a step back as they've been together such a short time and are practically married which may have caused this.She doesn't have a job and now neither does he and he took on the responbility for both of them which is quite stressful.But as i said,doctors advised against it.

I'm really worried about her.She's only 20 and shouldn't have to take care of him to make sure he doesn't top himself and she she shouldn't feel pressured to stay with him for the same reason.I've told her as much but she just gets defensive and says she won't and she's not.

She says she loves him but this is her first serious relationship and i'm scared she's looking at it through rose coloured glasses.People with mental illness's often have a ongoing battle with depression.their meds,and are in a Psych ward more then once,etc.She should get out and experience more before she decides she wants her life to be like that.

I'm in no way saying they don't deserve to be happy,they do but i feel like she has no idea what she's gotten herself into and she's only young.We don't know what he might say or do,he's already displayed violent tendencies when things don't go his way,etc,someone says something he doesn't like.

I guess the point of me posting this is how do i support her in something i don't support myself?I feel like i need to try,she's always been there for me when i need her but i have no idea how.If she goes through with this relationship there's going to be some really tough times ahead.She was crying and telling me she missed me the other night but it's her fault we haven't seen each other in 2 months.They want to get married when he gets out and she wants me to be matron of honour...In a wedding i don't support...fun!

I'm not sure if i'm making any sence and i sencerely apologize if i've offended anyone.

I also apologize for the length of this post!

I don't post here a lot but i don't know what to do...i quoted my first post so i didn't have to re explain the situation...He's out and has no job.they're still together and i barely ever see her even though she's down this way a lot to see him.

We went out last night and she said she had to go wait out front for him later so he can give her some moneu because she didn't have much on her but she'll come back because she was going to stay at my place.Well about half an hour after she left i called him to see what was going on and she was with him at a friends place!!!!!I was furious that she would leave me there and not even call so i said thanks for nothing you could have called i've been waiting for you.She hang up on me so i called back really peeved and was going to tell her our friendship is over because i won't be treated like crap and i'm sick of everything being about him,she doesn't have her own life.She didn't answer though so i didn't.

I was in tears,people kept asking if i was ok and it took me 2 hours to get home.

Chances are she'll eventually call and act like nothing's happened but i can't do this anymore.She's changed since she met him,we've known each other for 10 years and she'd never have done this before.I have no idea what to do or say,i thought she was the one person in the world who actually cared and wouldn't use and abuse me.

[thelonius]

That's really really tough Lynd. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I haven't posted here either so sorry if this advice is insensitive or a load of crap but I hope it helps. I guess I can understand you wanting to protect her from getting too deep in this relationship as she's only 20. But at the same time, you have to give her credit as she would not have entered in on this lightly. On the other hand, she might feel guilty about not staying with him. Why do people say that the speed of their relationship has caused his breakdown? If it might have, maybe you should suggest to her to slow things down. (If she'll listen)

I can see why you're worried about her because it only has been 4 months, and you're right about love/infatuation smothering everything else. But that's a reason why you need to be supportive if you want to keep your friendship. She'll know you don't support it, and she'll resent you for it. Even if you don't support it you should at least be straight up and say "I don't agree with you, I think you'll get hurt, but I know you'll do it anyway and so I will support you regardless" rather than wiping your hands clean. I know it's a different type of situation, but when I first starting seeing my boyfriend I could sense some friends who didn't like it. And instead of listening to them, I just didn't want to deal with them because I knew they didn't support me. One of my good friends sat me down though and was upfront with me, told me she wouldn't ditch me because of my bf but she thought I needed to do things better. I really appreciated that because she was really upfront instead of just pretending or talking about it behind my back like others did. Your friend might feel like everyone is expecting her to fail at any moment now, so she just doesnt want that negativity or she just wants to prove them wrong.

HOWEVER, all that aside, the way she brushed you off is completely wrong of her. Especially considering how much you've been worried about her and she's saying that she feels guilty you two haven't seen each other much. You could easily make excuses for her though, sounds like she's under incredible stress and that her boyfriend seems to have a large influence on her. But if she does call back, don't let her act like she's done nothing wrong. What she did was downright rude.

It's your choice whether or not you end this friendship, and I don't envy you for it It sounds like she's just a different person now and I couldn't imagine what I'd do if my best friend completely changed and hurt me. 10 years is a really long time. I guess you just have to wonder if maybe that old her will come back, if this is just a phase. Or if you can accept the new her. Maybe you two could have some space, even though it sounds like you haven't seen each other much. Maybe you should just get on with your life and see if she cares enough to contact you. I'm really not sure, sorry. I really hope you work it out.

[Traceve]

Just an update.

I posted around 3 months ago that I was diagnosed with Depression. Since then I've been on a waiting list to see the psychologist. She has finally got a free appointment and has booked me in on the 28th of August.

That's all.

[emmasi]

That's a long time to wait . Congrats on finally getting an appointment. I hope it goes well for you.