Support Group

[whispered_envy]

In response to whispered_envy: I have the same problem. I havn't been diagnosed with Social Anxiety as such but have suffered depression on and off for years and about two years ago in turned into what you are describing, constant stress of people judging me. I think you should let your friend know how stressed you are, that way if you do something wrong (as we all do) then she will understand if you get upset. Plus she will be extremely encouraging and trying to keep your spirits up and keep your mind off what is stressing you out.

Also don't fret too much about relying on your mum and bf. I know it's easier said than done but try and remember that they love you and that is what they are there for.

I don't know if this helps at all but I hope so lol. Also if you need to talk or simply stress out loud feel free to PM me

Yeah, I should probably tell my friend, but I'm not good with the talking face-to-face thing. Oh well, I should probably do it- I gotta get over my insecurities. Thankyou.

Whispered Envy: I also have social phobia and agoraphobia so I can totally relate to your situation. It took a long while for me to get a job because it was important for me to find somewhere that I felt comfortable, and a group of people who would be friendly and supportive. It sounds like you've found that with the cafe job so I really think you should go for it if you feel able. Don't get me wrong, it will be hard, but in my experience it's worth it. I know it sounds hard to believe but over time you'll start to realise that other people's opinions aren't as important as you think (I know how difficult that is to believe as it's something I struggle with myself). If you make a mistake, people aren't going to hate you - everyone makes mistakes at work on a daily basis. But if they get annoyed with you, so what? If people can't appreciate that you're doing your best they aren't worth bothering with. Just remember it's them with the problem, not you. Good luck!

You are right, I know you are, I just got to start believing in myself a little more! Thanks for your kind words- I really appreciate it.

[thelonius]

This is my story (I'll try to keep it short).

So this year I decided to defer from uni so that I could work for the year and get some money together before I moved out. However, whenever I tried to get a job or actually got one, I kept having panic attacks from fear of people judging/hating me. I went to see a psychologist, and he diagnosed me with Social Anxiety, and we've been doing some cognitive behavioural therapy to help me get past my anxiety. I was having a pretty horrible time dealing with it all, and it's taken me this long (since about April when I was diagnosed) to actually feel like I'm ready to get a job. My friend just recently (who knows about my anxiety) said that she could get me a job working with her, part time at a cafe/takeaway shop. She is even the one training me, which takes a hell of a load off my back, because otherwise I'd still be anxious that the person is judging me badly. Now, what I'm starting to get scared about, is that once I'm trained up, I'm going to have the responsiblity and have to deal with customers/making food on my own, and I'm going to stuff up really badly and everyones going to hate me and that I'll let my friend down and I'll get fired and just be a royal screw-up. I don't want to think like this, and I know I shouldn't and it'll be easier once I know my way around the place, but I can't help myself. I need reassurance. And advice. Please.

I'm sorry to hear you've gone through such a tough time, but well done for getting help and giving it a go anyway. I know you're worried but I think its great you're trying anyway. I work in cafe/takeaway shop so I can let you know that it doesn't matter how long you've worked there - you'll still make mistakes. Everyone does! Even my boss does! And yes, it may be confronting because you'll be worried about how people will judge you and how you'll let them down, but seriously, they would have all made the same mistakes as well. You don't know how much I screwed up when I first started! Wrong change, misinterpreted orders, spilling water, dropping things! And now five years on, I'll still make mistakes. But everyone understands because they've done it as well. The best you can do is be yourself, be polite to your coworkers and your customers. It's also great beacuse your friend will be there to support you. Good luck

[Cerise]

I just need a place to vent. I guess I ended up in here. Theres loads of terrible spelling gramamar punctuation etc in this post so I apologise in advance.

September is officially the worst month ever. Hell, it's always been. I just can't find any positives in things. It's coming up to the one year anniversary of her death, and I just can't cope. I had the worst night last night, I didn't sleep, I mainly just drank and cried and talked to Leah, one of my friends from sixth year, about random crap for about 5 hours. i asked her a whole load of questions that tehre's no answer to. Why are things the way they are, why am I ashamed of who I am, how can i be ashamed of who I am when I don't even know. We sat of this exact chair infront of the computer for hours and hours. I kept getting taunting emails from these bitches and their bastard friends saying awful things which did not make it any better. Leah told me not to read them but I did over and over again. She's finally convinced me to get it all out. get what out? I guess a good place to start whould be I hated school. Sixth year was the only barable year, that's because that's the year I had the most friends, or should I say I was friends with people who were also friends with me. Louise, jane, Leah, Sara. Probably the best four girls in teh world. but in a way sixth year was the worst year because I also had more enemies than i ever ahd. people who hated me so bad. Oh, so so bad. They would do anything to humiliate me. Oh, teh rumors. the is kat a lesbian, does kat do drugs, i heard kat lucas had an orgy with some girls from SP she's such a slut. I didn't notice the rumors much at first. Then they got out of hand and they might as well have been true. So anyway i graduated, pretending to be oblivious. i got 600 points in my LC, which is the most points you can get. I felt like shoving those 6 A1s in their faces. Haha. You know what they said when they found out? you must have cheated you dyslexic whore, all the etachers are worried about your behaviour you know, they're wondering teh same. So, even the teachers believed those rumors. I just decided to get on with it. Then came September and my sisters best friend killed herself. That was a hard time. But we got through it, though I'm not sure if we did or just blocked it out. Anyway. I kept getting taunting messages from those bittchhes. Did they not realize what had ahppened? Obviously not. i blocked these things out, mostly by stupid random conversations ion msn, girly nights out, and eating chocolate and pizza at three in the morning. yeah, those aspects can be fun I guess. Fun, and yet saddening. urgh. Anyway, the emails stopped but last night I got them again:

12:45 am

you suck

12:56 am

your a bitch

1:12 am

you lesbian psychotic fat cheating whore

and on and on.

Sorry about this. I just had to get it all out.

EDIT: You dont have to reply btw, though some reassuring words might be what I need right now.

[solaris]

Bullies are scum! They target people they percieve as being weaker than themselves and almost always hunt in packs - to cowardly to go it alone!

It sounds like you're pretty intelligent...take a look a jealousy as a motivation (been targetted myself because of this...it's hell!)

Then came September and my sisters best friend killed herself. That was a hard time. But we got through it, though I'm not sure if we did or just blocked it out. Anyway. I kept getting taunting messages from those bittchhes. Did they not realize what had ahppened? Obviously not.

Don't give them too much credit! If they figured you were hurting already, they'd go for you anyway! Something like this would rock the strongest person, I hope you, your sister and all who knew her friend are supporting each other.

As you might be able to guess, I've walked this road and it's not fun. Remembr this though, you're a surviver. You know that when the going gets tough, you can hang in there and get through it. Don't let them destroy you, in a few years when you've completed your eduation (not sure how old you are so adjust time scale as appropriate) and you're in a good job that you love...where will they be?

Believe in yourself and stay true to yourself, it will probably be the hardest thing you do but worth it in the end.

If you need an anonymous person to talk to more, my pm is always available.

Best wishes

Sol

p.s. If you have a spam filter/email blocker thenthei email addresses may benefit from this treatment.

[KaitieL]

Kat, I know your friend said to ignore them and that's my advice as well. I know it's easier said than done, but you can't take everything mean someone says to heart.

You're better than these b!tches. They're only doing it to make them feel better about themselves and because they know it makes you upset, it just eggs them on even further. Next time they call you a lesbian, just turn around and say (sarcastically, of course) OMG, I am so lesbian and I have this like big lesbian crush on you. Just do something unexpected and when they realise that you don't give a damn, they'll stop.

[Cerise]

Thanks guys I know it's probably a really minor problem, I just had to get it off my chest. Eh, I'll probably be back in here soon. I have to work tonight. That's gonna be so much fun. *sarcasm*

[claire_louise]

Kat: It isn't a minor problem, I've been there and it makes you feel like s**t. I know you'll think I'm only saying this to make you feel better, but it genuinely sounds like these girls are jealous of you. Just think, in ten years time where will you be, and where will they be? (Imagine them working in a burger bar - preferably with a terrible uniform and chip fat in their hair - and you'll get the point!). Also, by that time these people won't even be a blip on your radar. So go and live your life to the full and put them behind you, as soon as possible!

[emmasi]

There has been a lot of tragedy this year, and I've been thinking, "It's 2008! 8 is supposed to be a lucky number! What the hell!?" But I've come to realise that 8 isn't really about luck - not just good luck, anyway - it's about infinity (the symbol for infinity is 8 on it's side). It's just life circling around, chasing it's own tail, crossing over past experiences, good and bad... When someone dies, it's not the end, it's not the beginning either, it's just another part of a perpetual cycle... Sometimes it's hard to see the point in it, but maybe there is no point... maybe it's all just stuff that happens and if we feel like we've done it wrong once, there's always the chance to circle back around and do it right later on. Maybe the do-overs won't come in this lifetime, but they will come, because everything's always repeating itself. If something upsets us now, further on down the track there'll be something to make us happy again. If we're happy now and have been upset before, then we're better able to appreciate the happiness we have and prepare for the sadness that will come in due course. If we haven't yet learned to appreciate our happy times and cope with our sad times (and despite this know-it-all tone, I certainly haven't) then maybe we will when they come around again.

[solaris]

^^ Well said.

[Cal]

I just need a place to vent. I guess I ended up in here. Theres loads of terrible spelling gramamar punctuation etc in this post so I apologise in advance.

September is officially the worst month ever. Hell, it's always been. I just can't find any positives in things. It's coming up to the one year anniversary of her death, and I just can't cope. I had the worst night last night, I didn't sleep, I mainly just drank and cried and talked to Leah, one of my friends from sixth year, about random crap for about 5 hours. i asked her a whole load of questions that tehre's no answer to. Why are things the way they are, why am I ashamed of who I am, how can i be ashamed of who I am when I don't even know. We sat of this exact chair infront of the computer for hours and hours. I kept getting taunting emails from these bitches and their bastard friends saying awful things which did not make it any better. Leah told me not to read them but I did over and over again. She's finally convinced me to get it all out. get what out? I guess a good place to start whould be I hated school. Sixth year was the only barable year, that's because that's the year I had the most friends, or should I say I was friends with people who were also friends with me. Louise, jane, Leah, Sara. Probably the best four girls in teh world. but in a way sixth year was the worst year because I also had more enemies than i ever ahd. people who hated me so bad. Oh, so so bad. They would do anything to humiliate me. Oh, teh rumors. the is kat a lesbian, does kat do drugs, i heard kat lucas had an orgy with some girls from SP she's such a slut. I didn't notice the rumors much at first. Then they got out of hand and they might as well have been true. So anyway i graduated, pretending to be oblivious. i got 600 points in my LC, which is the most points you can get. I felt like shoving those 6 A1s in their faces. Haha. You know what they said when they found out? you must have cheated you dyslexic whore, all the etachers are worried about your behaviour you know, they're wondering teh same. So, even the teachers believed those rumors. I just decided to get on with it. Then came September and my sisters best friend killed herself. That was a hard time. But we got through it, though I'm not sure if we did or just blocked it out. Anyway. I kept getting taunting messages from those bittchhes. Did they not realize what had ahppened? Obviously not. i blocked these things out, mostly by stupid random conversations ion msn, girly nights out, and eating chocolate and pizza at three in the morning. yeah, those aspects can be fun I guess. Fun, and yet saddening. urgh. Anyway, the emails stopped but last night I got them again:

12:45 am

you suck

12:56 am

your a bitch

1:12 am

you lesbian psychotic fat cheating whore

and on and on.

Sorry about this. I just had to get it all out.

EDIT: You dont have to reply btw, though some reassuring words might be what I need right now.

Those girls aren't worth typing about, Kat. Seriously. I know it's hard to get stuff like that out of your head, but if you can it will help a lot. They are jealous that you are intelligent and that you have real friends. Those girls are just together to get what they want. They'll be all friendly towards one another then they'll bitch about each other. But you and your friends seem to be real. And that's important. You've got what those girls want, and it sickens them.

From the emails, I can guess that they knock your confidence down a lot. I can totally understand that. But try and have fun with your friends and go on nights out and go to the cinema and don't even look at those evil pieces of scum. I know it's easier said than done, but believe me it will feel so good.

There has been a lot of tragedy this year, and I've been thinking, "It's 2008! 8 is supposed to be a lucky number! What the hell!?" But I've come to realise that 8 isn't really about luck - not just good luck, anyway - it's about infinity (the symbol for infinity is 8 on it's side). It's just life circling around, chasing it's own tail, crossing over past experiences, good and bad... When someone dies, it's not the end, it's not the beginning either, it's just another part of a perpetual cycle... Sometimes it's hard to see the point in it, but maybe there is no point... maybe it's all just stuff that happens and if we feel like we've done it wrong once, there's always the chance to circle back around and do it right later on. Maybe the do-overs won't come in this lifetime, but they will come, because everything's always repeating itself. If something upsets us now, further on down the track there'll be something to make us happy again. If we're happy now and have been upset before, then we're better able to appreciate the happiness we have and prepare for the sadness that will come in due course. If we haven't yet learned to appreciate our happy times and cope with our sad times (and despite this know-it-all tone, I certainly haven't) then maybe we will when they come around again.

Don't make me sadder. But that's lovely.