Support Group

[-Kevin-]

^ I'm sorry to hear that, you sound really stressed out.

I think with your neighbour the best thing to do would be to approach her calmly and just ask if there is a reason why she has drifted away from you. If she isn't sorry or has no kind of explanation, then at least you know there's nothing more you can do and you have tried to bridge the gap but she isn't worth it. On the other hand you could end up friends again. She might be feeling awkward for allowing the two of you to drift apart, and doesn't know how to reconnect. I get like that with friends sometimes.

As for your family, it is much more complicated. Families are so tricky, and relationships can be so difficult and fraught (my family is like a warzone sometimes). I want to give you advice, but at the same time I don't feel entitled to because I don't know you personally or your family. If I did offer any advice it might be the wrong kind of advice and only make matters worse for you. All I can say is I sympathise with you.

What is it with Irish families, eh? My family, and practically all my friends' familes have some kind of feud going on.

Thanks

and yes I think Irish families are just messed up in general Its not even a laughing matter but oh well all we can do is laugh!

I don't know anyone who isn't 'not talking' to anyone at the moment. I mean even my uncle, he has 6 children but is in some sort of feud with 4 of them, all for different reasons

and as for the neighbour , she just makes me wana shout stuff at her, and maybe throw things at her as well

[thelonius]

I completely agree! Family problems just get too complicated and are generally messed up. You're right Kevin, we can only laugh about it sometimes because it gets to the point it is ridiculous. My family in the last year has sort of fallen apart and I was so upset about it because I really missed our family events and seeing everyone together. But the best thing you can do is maintain any close relationships you've had (which were with the younger generation, so lots of cousins and second cousins) and hope the ones with the problems (the oldies!) sort them out eventually. I hope your dad eventually makes up with his mum and your uncle(s) Kevin.

[Barbara]

I think most families have some issues at some point. Sometimes, it lasts for a few weeks and sometimes, it lasts for years. It depends on the reason why they fall apart but also on the people's personalities.

Another person who seems to be drifting away is my uncle who we always grew up around and was quite close to my family! But ever since my mum died (his sister) he has slowly been drifting further and further away from the family . (This is also the same guy who was involved in an argument with my other uncle(dads brother) We also plan on visiting him on saturday as well I am rather excited about geoing to see some family I haven't seen in a while because there isn't anything worse than bad feeling within a family, TRUST ME!!

Maybe he is just having some trouble coming to terms with your mum's death and finds it easier not to be around you all as much as he used to because you all remind him of his sister. People grieve in different ways and if he's always been close to your mum, it may be very hard for him.

[emmasi]

I like watching Gilmore Girls. It makes me think "at least my parents aren't like that." Then I see how Lorelai and Rory have jobs and other life purposes and friends who are closer than family, and romantic relationships that are... messed up... but at least they have something to mess up. I know it's just a TV show, but it can't be that hard to have a half-satisfying life. Should I move to Connecticut ? Even if that was a legitimate solution it all comes back to the same problem: I have no money and no skills to obtain money. And not just job skills, social skills. I can't interact with people face-to-face without freaking out, or downing a significant amount of alcohol first. Or during. Or after. Or... at random times in anticipation of human interaction in general. The term "self medicating" keeps popping up in my head, but after being professionally medicated for two years and ending up feeling worse than I did before, I'm starting to settle into a depressive little rut, not caring what's good or bad for me. If my life was a TV show it would have been canceled due to lack of interest a long time ago.

If I was to model my life on Lorelai it would mean running away from home, which, even though I want to do it, I can't. Because my parents are nothing like hers and I don't want to hurt them, even though staying here is killing me. Trapped trapped trapped trapped trapped and did I mention trapped? My mum has undiagnosed depression - I recognise the signs, and the perpetual negativity - but she won't do anything about it. So it's either me or her. One of us is going to end up dead... at least on the inside, and... very possibly on the outside. If I stay it will be me. If I go it will be her. I can't choose my life over my mother's. Way too much guilt attached, and that's the last thing I need. She's old and will probably die sometime in the next 20 years. So I'm waiting on that or the apocalypse, whichever comes first. I know I'm a bad person for waiting on such things, but there's nothing else I can do. There's nothing at all I can do. Nothing but wait...

I need more vodka.

[-Kevin-]

I completely agree! Family problems just get too complicated and are generally messed up. You're right Kevin, we can only laugh about it sometimes because it gets to the point it is ridiculous. My family in the last year has sort of fallen apart and I was so upset about it because I really missed our family events and seeing everyone together. But the best thing you can do is maintain any close relationships you've had (which were with the younger generation, so lots of cousins and second cousins) and hope the ones with the problems (the oldies!) sort them out eventually. I hope your dad eventually makes up with his mum and your uncle(s) Kevin.

Yeah its so upsetting having a family fall out like they do , and the worst thing is there isn't much you can do about it! I just wish all my extended family could all just talk to each other and act like civilised human beings but its like they aren't capable of doing that (especially my dads family, they are known for being generally messed in in the sense there are 3 groups within the family all not talking to each other but thankfully that side of the family don't bother me because I never even knew who they were till I was like 12 mainly because they don't really care about anyone but themselves) The only extended I ever had anything to do with was my mums family but my grandparsnts and one of my aunties from that family are now dead and theres only 1 auntie and 1 uncle left. Trying to hold onto the relationships we have with them is very important with me so we've decided gto try and make an effort and visit more often.

I think most families have some issues at some point. Sometimes, it lasts for a few weeks and sometimes, it lasts for years. It depends on the reason why they fall apart but also on the people's personalities.

Another person who seems to be drifting away is my uncle who we always grew up around and was quite close to my family! But ever since my mum died (his sister) he has slowly been drifting further and further away from the family . (This is also the same guy who was involved in an argument with my other uncle(dads brother) We also plan on visiting him on saturday as well I am rather excited about geoing to see some family I haven't seen in a while because there isn't anything worse than bad feeling within a family, TRUST ME!!

Maybe he is just having some trouble coming to terms with your mum's death and finds it easier not to be around you all as much as he used to because you all remind him of his sister. People grieve in different ways and if he's always been close to your mum, it may be very hard for him.

Yeah actually you are right , my uncle and my mum were so close, he even went a bit crazy looking for 2nd,3rd and 4th opinions when she was diagnosed as terminally ill, he tried bringing her to different countries and was trying to pay for medical treatments but there was nothing he could do which I think was when it really hit home what was happening. I don't necessarily think thought that he is drifting away because of her death really I think its more of a simple fading of contact kind of thing. We are all worried about him now , he couldn't make it to my sisters babys christening last week and he is havong serious bowel problems. He hasn't passed anything in over 6 weeks and nothing will work, the main worry is the cancer thing which it could be. I really hope he isn't sick if he got sick and died then there would only be 1 person left out of a family of 6 people!!

My dads family can really just go away because I don't have anything to say to them and I don't plan on having anything to do with them. I gave them a chance and they blew it , I won't let them come back for more! I already feel stupid for letting them in the first time.

Oh and another shocking thing, I was walking down the road today with my niece in her buggy we were going to the shop and my neighbour walked past us and she said hello!!!!! I was shocked and just said hello back. I've noticed that when shes on her own she will say hello but when shes with her boyfriend(who I hate) she will ignore.

[-Kevin-]

OK why do I seem to be posting in this thread AGAIN ? Oh yes because I'm stupid!

I am so annoyed with myself at the moment, I have always wanted to have sex for the first time with someone I know and I trust but the other day I met some complete stranger and went to his hotel room and we did it. But at least he was really nice and we talked for ages, so it wasn't all that bad. So that was the end of wanting to wait for someone special. So what do I do the next day ? Yes I went and did it again with someone else , another stranger as you do. God how many times does it have to happen before I realise I shouldn't be doing it. Thankfully I now seem to be in a better frame of mind and know what I did is wrong, but it doesn't stop me from hating myself for being so stupid. I wouldn't mind but these guys weren't even my own age , one was 26 and the other 28 thats just wrong. Yeah it is wrong actually. I feel dirty now atm and wish I could go back and not be such an idiot.

Its not even in my nature to be like that. If someone posted what I just did I would just think "ewwww" or "omg slut" and rightly so!

Anyway I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest because its been really bugging me

[DinerLandlord]

^ Ewww, OMG slut!!!!! *joking*

Don't worry about it, honestly. The fact that you regret it means you can learn a lesson that this isn't something you want to do again. It's up to you now to either not do that any more if it isn't what you want, or continue doing that but not feel bad about it. As long as you are safe that is the most important thing. However, it might be better if you had a boyfriend who you could sleep with regularly instead of random guys. I'm pretty slutty personally, so I don't judge you.

[-Kevin-]

^ Ewww, OMG slut!!!!! *joking*

Don't worry about it, honestly. The fact that you regret it means you can learn a lesson that this isn't something you want to do again. It's up to you now to either not do that any more if it isn't what you want, or continue doing that but not feel bad about it. As long as you are safe that is the most important thing. However, it might be better if you had a boyfriend who you could sleep with regularly instead of random guys. I'm pretty slutty personally, so I don't judge you.

^^ Thanks for that , makes me feel better having other sluts amongst me *joking*

Yeah as long as I'm safe thats the main thing I guess! I don't really want to have a boyfriend either, I don't know what I want actually

[DinerLandlord]

^ Ewww, OMG slut!!!!! *joking*

Don't worry about it, honestly. The fact that you regret it means you can learn a lesson that this isn't something you want to do again. It's up to you now to either not do that any more if it isn't what you want, or continue doing that but not feel bad about it. As long as you are safe that is the most important thing. However, it might be better if you had a boyfriend who you could sleep with regularly instead of random guys. I'm pretty slutty personally, so I don't judge you.

^^ Thanks for that , makes me feel better having other sluts amongst me *joking*

Yeah as long as I'm safe thats the main thing I guess! I don't really want to have a boyfriend either, I don't know what I want actually

Well by "boyfriend" I don't necessarily mean a serious relationship, just a guy you can fool around with regularly, instead of random man after random man. Lots of people who don't want a relationship have that instead, for convenience.

[Laura]

Kevin, I told you not to the second time!! I was actually suprised you didn't meet anyone last night. Just don't do it again! Just stay home and speak to me on MSN! It's much more fun. And don't send me texts in the middle of the night again either telling me what happened Nah, seriously, forget it, just don't do it again Just think what I did a few months ago ( you should know what I mean, I think.. ) and it might make you feel better