Support Group

[adellejefferiesxox]

not just where to post this just wanted to get it off my chest.

So for the past three days I haven't been in good health, I've got this dry cough which seems to be sitting on my chest now and then it will sound like a chesty cough, then I had this morning a sore throat and a runny nose.

I've been pushing myself to go to work through this illness. But this morning when I woke up at 4am I had a really sore throat and couldn't talk really. My boss said that if anyone is sick they should contact them asap. So I thought I'd text my two bosses this is at 4am. I didn't know whether their mobs would be on, I made the assumption that they would be switched off at night and they would recieve the message in the morning when they turned their phones on. That way they could read the message and check the time and think "okay she's texting at 4am, then she must be sick and she's given us early notice". But instead what happened was I got a reply back at 4am...which surprised me. Anyway, cut the story short. They wanted to know what was wrong with me and it was implied that they were disbelieving of my illness and that I shouldn't have cancelled my shift as this is added stress on the two bosses. We've had a lot of new people on staff and we only have one supervisor and then the female boss, the boss has been working non stop for several weeks now, as we don't have another supervisor. So it's mothers day today, and I wasn't aware that there was a policy that means employees have to find a replacement ... call them and rearrange for someone to do my shift. But the employers use to take care of that. So I felt guilty this morning for being sick.

The thing is, I get sick really easily and sometimes stress is to blame. I get dizzy, tired, stomach cramps/pain, or the flu, sometimes I'll feel hot and sweaty. It's hard to explain. So it's come across that I'm lying about being sick as I have gone home (probably alot in their eyes) from shifts, the reason I go to work sometimes when I feel sick is because I don't know how my condition is going to play out whether it will get worse or better and I thought well I'll go anyway because they need me and fight through the day and suck it up. But today I couldn't "suck it up"...and therefore called in sick. Also the other day I cried at work. I have cried many times at work and if you cry at work it comes across as "weak" and "sadness". But I cry when I am tired, angry and sad. So yeah... I don't think the two employers like it when I cry, because then they see me as weak and a baby.

I actually cried because I was trying to make coffees and my boss kept asking/checking up on me whether I was doing okay with the coffees, and I was fine. I wanted to pace myself and not get stressed out and then she kept asking me and then she stopped me and said that I wasn't doing it time effectively enough, but it was said in a harsh way. So she told me how to do it properly and then asked if I wanted a demonstration (harshly), I couldn't be bothered aruging and the way she told me didn't really process so I said "okay, show me". Then I felt bad because I thought I was doing a good job and I wanted to do it my way so I wouldn't get stressed, and then I just felt like the "construct critism" which she claimed it to be was "crisitim". As I'm often critised as home, it was hard for me to distugish between the two. But usually I am okay with constructive crisitim. I guess it was the way she said it to me.

So yeah, after having crying at work for maybe the 5th time and then calling in sick. I feel guilty and fear the trouble I'm going to get in.

Advice??? Sorry about the long rant!

[Miranda]

I can see I've butted in to a private thread, so I deleted my post. Sorry.

[xxJaniexx]

I really need some help and i didnt know where else to go, i just had a miscarriage and my fiance has walked out on me, i feel so depressed and angry and i dont know what to do. I was so looking forward to being a mum and now everything has gone and i have no support, and the one person i really need by my side right now has gone. I just feel like getting totally wasted

anyway sorry to moan but i just dont know what to do next, i hate life right now

[KirstyEkua]

Janie i am incredibly sorry for your loss and won't pretend to imagine what you are going through right now. I think you really need to be with someone right now, maybe your mum/dad or close friend? Did your fiance leave becasue of the miscarriage? I wish i could make you feel better but all you can do is stay strong and be with people you love. Please don't stay alone through this.

[-Kevin-]

Janie , I am so sorry for your loss, I've seen you throughout this forum talk about how happy you were being pregnant and how much you were looking forward to being a mother and it just breaks my heart that something so tragic has happened to you. I know I cant say or do anything that will make you feel better or offer advice to you because I don't know how it feels to go through what you are going through right now. My heart goes out to you Janie, it really does, and I know that I may be just some poster on a forum but I really do mean it. And as for your fiance, if he's walked out on you because of the miscarriage then he needs to realise that you more than anyone else is feeling the worst right now because you have felt that baby growing inside you from the beginning. He also needs to realise that in times like these you guys should stick together and deal with everything that happens together.

I can't really say anything Janie other than I wish you the utmost best in the future and maybe sometime soon you will find yourself pregnant again, and I understand that that wont make up for your loss but it will definitely give you the ability to look to the future again.

I don't think that anybody can completely comprehend how a mother that loses a baby feels until you go through it yourself and sadly many women go through the same thing everyday.

I just hope Janie that you can talk to someone and stay strong.Take care.

[charmed60]

Janie I'm so so sorry to hear that, you must feel completely lost at the moment and that's totally understandable. I agree with Kirsty that you should be with someone at the moment, a friend or family member. Stay strong because things will get easier, just take each day at a time. Maybe it might help you to join some of the forums on the internet for people who've gone through the same thing as you, it might help to talk to people who understand exactly how you feel? I'm thinking of you and if you need to talk more were all here for you!

[Lise]

That's heartbreaking to hear, Janie. Like Kevin said, you sounded so happy to be pregnant but you shouldn't have to go through this by yourself so talking to a friend or a family member is a good idea. charmed60's idea of finding a forum with people who have gone through the things your going through right sounds like a great idea at least so you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I have no idea what must be going through but if you ever need to talk to someone please feel free to PM me.

[HAA Girl 08]

I am so terribly sorry to hear of your loss, Janie. I know there is not much I can say that will make you feel better, but don't feel you need to go through this alone. I'm thinking of you, Janie, and if you do need someone to talk to about anything, I am here. Take care. xxx

[Barbara]

I’m so sorry for your loss Janie. I don’t know what you are going through but I know you must feel really sad about this. Like others have said, go and find a relative or a close friend. They’re the ones who will be there for you and give you the support you need. I don’t know why your partner left but if it’s because of the miscarriage, maybe it’s just because he needs some time to get over this very sad news.

Like charmed60 said, joining a forum with members who have had miscarriages could be a good idea. Those people know exactly what you’re going through and might know what to say to make you feel (a bit) better. Or maybe you know someone who has had a miscarriage and you could talk to them (if the topic isn’t too hard for them or for you to talk about, of course). Sometimes, it's easier to talk to someone you don't personally know like members of a forum than to a person close to you.

Stay strong and take care.

[~Stella~]

Aww Janie i am really sorry hun, i cant imagine what you must be going through at the moment, i only wish there was something i could do or say that would make you feel better. I agree with everyone though, please dont be on your own, talk to someone and please just take care of yourself.

If you need to talk, just PM me.