lino Posted October 3, 2010 Report Posted October 3, 2010 I am a happily married woman of many years with a few sweet children. My husband is one of the oldest of many children and he was the first to get married in his family. So his siblings really grew up with me. When they leave home to go to college, it is the norm for them to go to the one in our city. There they do join us a lot of times for meals. After a couples of years they leave the country for another college or university . Till now there was never a problem, the boys enjoyed eating by their brother and my kids loved having their uncles. But now this year one of my brother in law left. As usual they call us from time to time. That was when it started. I was so happy to hear his voice and talk to him when I picked up the phone. But I didn't think much of it, because I thought it is normal that I might miss him, since I saw him nearly every week for the last couples of years and suddenly he is not there anymore. Now we went to my in laws for a 2 week holiday and so was he. What I did not expect was feeling a attraction to this brother in law. Suddenly I don't see him anymore as this 10 years old boy like when i married his brother, but as this mature 20 year old young man. I know it is wrong on all levels and I don't understand it. I love my husband and we have a good normal marriage. Why would I start to get attracted to my brother in law who is ten years younger then me and who I spend the years seeing as a little boy. True I often was on his side, since he is the black sheep of the family. He was a naughty child but i always saw it as a need to get the attention he lacks from his parents. Now the first time since his leaving the country, I see myself attracted to him. I was thinking the whole time of him, liking his looks, wanting to be near him and talk to to him. I know that he likes me, maybe even more then all his sisters and in laws but thats most properly because he grew up knowing that I was often on his side and didn't see him as an obstacle like the rest of his big family. Now we left my in laws to go back home and I will not see him for a long time. I know that is the best solution for me and my marriage. But I want to understand why this happened. Why do I get attracted to someone else when I love my husband and why of all people to someone who I knew the whole time as my little brother in law? Why my husbands brother and why can't I stop thinking of his looks and that I wish he would be here and I could talk to him? How can i get rid of those feeling?
halcyon06 Posted October 10, 2010 Report Posted October 10, 2010 I dont want to complain about my problems when people have worse problems than me, but I'm very sick at the moment. Im in my final year of school so really cant afford to miss any school. I've been sick for the past few weeks and already missed a full week, and even when I came in I couldn't concentrate. I've been on numerous antibiotics and none of them have worked.. At first the doctor seemed to think it was tonsillitus as I have been prone to that growing up. But over the past few weeks i've developed swollen glands, fevers, headaches, I havent eaten, stiff neck.. and most recently, I cannot keep my eyes open. I'm so weak and tired the whole time. I had to get blood tests a few days ago and I am so nervous. After doing a bit of research on the internet, it really seems to be pointing towards glangular fever, which I am dreading as my brother developed that at the same age as me and had to take a year out. He also suffered depression afterwars which isint unusual after this disease.. I'm getting these horrible images of having to repeat school, theres no way I will be able to go in this week as I'm worse. Or maybe it might not be glangular fever and could be something worse? Is there anyone out there who has suffered these symptoms, or perhaps glangular fever? And how have people coped? Im so nervous..
bikinikill Posted October 11, 2010 Report Posted October 11, 2010 I think the most important thing is just to wait until you find out what it is and then deal with it then. Getting yourself worried about something that may not necesssarily occur won't help. I know its hard to wait, but try not to stress yourself about something that may not happen.
charmed60 Posted October 11, 2010 Report Posted October 11, 2010 I'm so sorry to hear the trouble you're having Carina It doesn't sound sad at all that you were crying, it's to be expected seeing as your Mum is refusing to support you in something without all the other stresses you're under at the moment. I know it's easier said than done but you really need to make sure you take care of yourself and eat regularly; otherwise you'll be so ill it will be even more difficult to cope with everything. Even if you can't bring yourself to eat full meals (I won't pretend I understand the eating difficulties you face) just make sure you're eating little and often to keep your strength up. Your situation reminds me of an episode of Supernanny I watched recently. The teenage children were being given so much work by the parents who didn't appreciate it at all and one of the daughters ended up fainting because her body couldn't cope with the stress anymore. I really don't want that to happen to you. Is there anyway do you think that you could sit down and talk seriously to your Mum? Tell her you're sorry you've been moody lately but you're finding it really difficult to cope with all the college work and house work and you're undoubtedly nervous about starting University. It's a huge decision where you go so let her know how much it means to you that she's there to help you decide and give her opinion. If you're honest with her then hopefully she will see how much it genuinely is affecting you. Is there any way you can talk to your teachers also with help to balance the workload? That sounds like an awful amount of work I don't know how people are meant to cope with that much to do! Maybe if you can set aside a few hours a day to get it all done and make sure you get half hour breaks every now and then just to go for a walk or something; have an apple as a snack! I'm sorry it's not much help but I hope you get it all sorted soon. I remember what it was like and it does get easier at Uni (believe it or not!)
halcyon06 Posted October 11, 2010 Report Posted October 11, 2010 I think the most important thing is just to wait until you find out what it is and then deal with it then. Getting yourself worried about something that may not necesssarily occur won't help. I know its hard to wait, but try not to stress yourself about something that may not happen. Thanks for your advice. It appears to be a blood infection I've developed. I just have to rest and force myself to eat or else I'l end up in hospital.. I'm still not entirely sure about this diagnoses and might seek a second opinion if I show no improvement in a few weeks.
charmed60 Posted October 16, 2010 Report Posted October 16, 2010 I'm so so pleased to hear that Carina, it's great she was there to support you as it obviously meant a lot to her; I guess she was worried she would rob you of your independence by going but it's great you were able to explain it to her. You'll make a great primary school teacher; I wanted to do that if I didn't go into what I'm doing now so it's a worthy profession! Thank you for letting me know
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