Support Group

[TelephotoMarigold]

thanks guys, it doesn't really help when I have to play darts with him every week haha.... I told him when he was messaging me to stop it coz he has a gf and to never say that to me again while he does;.... but he doesn't get the jist of what he's done... and I'm sick of trying to tell him.

He's not going to get the message even if you spell it out with six foot high letters. He's a man they don't understand that kind of thing. The only thing you can do is be friendly but aloof. If you snub him at Darts he'll be all hurt puppy and try and lure you in that way. But if you are polite and friendly he will actually start to think about things, mainly because he won't know what to do or say to you. And the aloof part is to protect you. You don't need to be sucked back into his psycho-drama. It's his mess let him sort it out himself. You know you deserve better and show him that. If he asks about messges tell him that you delete them because he has a gf. AND then DELETE them. Don't agonise over them or try to read more into them than is there. The situation isn't going to change and if he treats you like this now if you were to ever get together is he going to treat you any better?

You are worth more than him. Deserve more than him. You are a strong person. All of this will get you through the hurt that he's causing.

I know that this advice is hard to follow. You have feelings for him and want to do what is right but when I was in a similar situation I wish with all my heart that someone had told me to do this. I ended up wiht my ex in a three year relationship, dealing with his ex until I had a breakdown. He walked out taking all the furniture and leaving me in a house that I couldn't afford massing debts that took years to clear.

[TelephotoMarigold]

Why do I have to put myself in awkward situations?

The other day on facebook, this guy randomly started talking to me. I have never actually met him but I know of him.

He is my friend's brother & I had heard her talk about him for a while, etc.

& then my other friend started dating him, so I knew of him pretty well, just had never met him.

A few moments ago, seriosuly, about five minutes ago, my friend came online (the guy's sister) & she passed on a message.

This guy wants to take me out on a date to the cinema & get to know me better.

I have never even met this guy & I didn't want to say no & hurt their feelings. But I'd feel very uncomfortable.

Not so much about the fact that he went out with one of my friends ('cause I never talk to her now).

But because I don't actually know him.

So I said I would get back to him when I find out what date I can make ... oh dear.

What am I going to say to him?

I don't want to hurt his feelings nor his sister's but I'm not looking for a relationship with him.

I know that sounds harsh, but at least in the long run, he won't get hurt.

Be honest. Say that you aren't looking to get into anything and you are going to uni later this year so that and college is your focus. It's better than letting yourself go on a date with someone because you don't want to hurt their feelings.

[matticus01]

Then don't. He will get the message eventually.

I stopped the other day, I've had nothing to do with him for a few days now... now its just his gf harrassing me...

I got to the point where if he didn't get it, what he had done, I wasn't going to explain it to him... and I'm not going to... I went out and bought a new phone this week, and I'm also getting my hair done, because I want him to see that I'm not going to cry over him, I'm going be strong, and HOT in the way I know how... I've got this thing that if he's going to see me, it'll be looking my best and not worrying about him and his pathetic life, not looking my worst!

thanks for all the advice guys!

[Zetti]

Good. Move on. I have shown my ex that i couldn't care less about him and he hasn't hassled me since

[Zetti]

Okay, I have been battling with myself the past few days and I keep getting these little gifts from my ex. He doesn't seem to get the concept of a clean break. This morning, he decided to come over just as I was about to leave, I can't seem to get him to stay away and its really hard to convince myself to stay away. I have no idea what to do now. I hate not being able to figure it out myself

[Miranda]

Oh god, my daugther is ill AGAIN. Same old same old throwing up, unable to keep down any water or food. I can see it all happening again: going to the doctor to be fobbed off, then going back again when she is worse, then off to hospital, where she will be put on a drip, I'll be staying overnight getting 2 hours sleep til I'm hallucinating, then she'll get better. Then she'll catch another illness and it'll happen all over again in a few months in exactly the saem way.

I just can't stand the inevitability of it, trying my absolute best but she still gets ill and has to go to hospital, exactly the same illness every time, there's never any change. I've had 3 hours sleep, our whole bed is covered in vomit, as is daughter, her hair is like a bird's nest. There's no point washing or changing her or the bed in case she's sick againm, she can't cope with a bath or hair wash in her delicate state. The washing machine was on at 2.a.m. as it was.

Added to that, my mum 'always knows best.' She walzes in and says 'do this do that,' then goes out again leaving me to deal with the vomiting. I need to stand up to her and say 'no, I know my daughter can only take 1 sip of water every hour, don't tell me she can take more.' I don't like being given the wrong instructions then I have to deal with the consequences, she is a bossy cow.

But at least if I start hallucinating due to lack of sleep, I'll start writing some out there fanfics

[Pierced Musie]

How old is your daughter?

This is probably a disgusting question (or 2) but 1) Is she suffering from just sickness or is it the other end? 2) Does her sick look more like curdled/undigested food or is it proper sick?

I ask because my niece is almost 2 but she keeps getting colds/coughs and then she is sick because the dairy she gets through (milk/cheese/yogart) has curdled. She also doesn't chew properly. This is just my opinion but I think it is good when babies/toddlers suffer illness because it helps the immune system to build. If we shielded them from all illness they would be hit even harder by it.

I have no kids but I am an aunt.

I hope what I have said helps. If not then tell me to shut up about things I don't know !

[Miranda]

Thanks Pierced Musie. any concerned sensible comments are welcome Its just my daughter (she is 5) seems to get so many sinus colds, she gets full of phlegm, it goes into her tummy and makes her throw up. I hope when she is more able to blow her nose it will help, she can't blow her nose properly yet.

There, that is as disgusting as anyone could want.

Its just the inevitability of it I hate. I feel like we might as well take her to hospital now to save time As that's where she always ends up.

[TelephotoMarigold]

I'm sure you've tried this but:

When I come down with a cold I always give my bed a hoover and my pillows because I know I get quite congested and it helps if I get rid of any allergens. I then put a tissue inside the pillowcase with Olbas oil on. This helps keep me decongested.

I also eat raw oninon (natural decongestant) in a sandwich or something, have liquorice if I have a sore throat (it kills the bacteria) and drink honey and hot lemon.

If she can't keep anything down it's important that her fluid is maintained. Can she suck on ice chips?

Has she been teasted for food allergies?

[Miranda]

Oh thanks for that Tele

I have tried those suggestions but it just seems this time she is worse than usual I have a really sensitive digestive system, it seems she has inherited it, poor thing.

But I feel better for talking (virtually anyway) to people and my husband is home now so I feel less alone. thank god he doesn't do shifts anymore, I used to feel llike a single mum with no one to turn to in those days.

anyway, onward and upward.