Support Group

[Nathan]

I don't really know how to say this so I think I should just blurt it all out. Okay, here it goes...

Umm, one of my best friends was gang-raped on Monday night and today it's all over the newspapers and on television. There's only a few of us that know about it and I'm beginning to feel really sick. When she returns to school, I don't know what I should do for her. Should I comfort her or ignore her. I'm really confused and sad about all of this. She didn't deserve it...

[encouraging_angels]

i'm guessing its a combination of Bulima and Anorexia, which is also known as EDNOS and have actual done 6years of researching mental health some of the topics I have studied are; Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, General Aniexty Disorder, Anorexia, Bulemia and rape and other sorts of abuse. I even had to do a mental health topic for my year12 Study.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/bulimia/page3_em.htm

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anorexia_s...s_treatment.htm

http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/PrintablePage...,550347,00.html

http://searchwarp.com/swa15353.htm

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Ea.../type_ednos.asp

Also feel free to pm me if you want, I am planning to be a counsellor in later life and saving up to do an expensive, but excellent Counselling course.

PS. I started researching mental health when I was only 16 1/2years old. I now 20years.

[encouraging_angels]

I love helping others, I really sorry about what happened to your friend, I know this is going to sound hard, but its best not to ignore your friend, she needs to know she has friends that care and that will allow her to talk if she wants to. She may not want to talk though, but stay beside her and give her hug, and sometimes gentle rub on the back is a comfort too.

BEST THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE(I've used ALL THESE)

You are not alone in this

It not your fault

You have friends that care about you and won't leave you.

I love you

You are kind,

You are pretty

Hang in there

Hug them

Spend time with them

I love you

I Care"

You're not alone in this"

"I'm not going to leave/abandon you"

You are really important to me and precious.

They need to know they mean something to you.

WORST THINGS TO SAY!

Is go and kill yourself

Stop being depressed

Your only being selfish

You don't care about those around you.

You deserved it.

What's *your* problem

Will you stop that constant whining?

What makes you think that anyone cares?

Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?

You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."

But it's all in your mind."

I thought you were stronger than that."

"No one ever said life was fair."

As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."

Why don't you just grow up?"

Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

There are a lot of people worse off than you

You have it so good, why aren't you happy

It's a beautiful day!"

You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed

What do you have to be depressed about

Happiness is a choice

You think *you've* got problems..."

Well at least it's not that bad."

Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."

21. "There is always somebody worse off than you are."

22. "Lighten up!"

23. "You should get off all those pills."

24. "You are what you think."

25. "Cheer up!"

26. "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

27. "Why can't you just be normal?"

28. "Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"

29. "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"

30. "You need to get out more."

31. "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]

32. "Get a grip!"

33. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their

minds to be."

34. "Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."

35. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

36. "Get a job!"

37. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone."

38. "You don't *look* depressed!"

39. "You're so selfish!"

40. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

41. "You're just looking for attention."

42. "Have you got PMS?"

43. "You'll be a better person because of it!"

44. "Everybody has a bad day now and then."

45. "You should buy nicer clothes to wear."

46. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

47. "Why don't you smile more?"

48. "A person your age should be having the time of your life."

49. "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

50. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

51. "This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL"

--> after confiding to supervisor about my depression

52. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."

53. "You brought it on yourself"

54. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or

against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."

55. "Get off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!"

56. "Why should I care?"

57. "Snap out of it, will you?"

58. "You *want* to feel this way."

59. "You have no reason to feel this way."

60. "Its your own fault."

61. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

62. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

63. "Your problems aren't that big."

64. "What are you worried about? You should be fine."

65. "Just don't think about it."

"Go Away."

"You don't have the ability to do it."

"Just wait a few weeks, it'll be over soon."

"Go out and have some fun!"

"You're making me depressed as well..."

"The world out there is not that bad..."

"Just try a little harder!"

"Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."

"You need a boy/girl-friend."

"You need a hobby."

"Just pull yourself together"

"You'd feel better if you went to church"

"I think your depression is a way of punishing us." ---My mother

"So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

"What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."

"You're a writer, aren't you? Just think of all the good material

you're getting out of this."

"Have you tried camomile tea?"

"So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"

"You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass."

"This too shall pass." - Ann Landers

"Oh, perk up!"

"Try not being so depressed."

"Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have

time to brood..."

"Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."

"You have to take up your bed and carry on."

"Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out

those pills, then you'll feel better."

"Well, we all have our cross to bear."

"You should join band or chorus or something. That way

you won't be thinking about yourself so much."

"You change your mind."

"You're useless."

"Nobody is responsible for your depression."

"You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

[-Tess-]

Umm, one of my best friends was gang-raped on Monday night and today it's all over the newspapers and on television. There's only a few of us that know about it and I'm beginning to feel really sick. When she returns to school, I don't know what I should do for her. Should I comfort her or ignore her. I'm really confused and sad about all of this. She didn't deserve it...

Spend plenty of time with her.

A couple of words that may help your friend;

You are not alone,

You have friends that care,

You are a special friend

You are really important to me,

You are precious to me.

If your friend is crying or you know she been crying "Its okay to cry and you are not crazy.

^^ I'm agreeing with encouraging_angels. Just be there, support her, and try to get her help. Don't ignore her; She'll most likely need your support. Just try to ignore that fact of what happened if she wants you too,Because once it gets around to everyone, people will stop and look, and she'll need someone to act normally around her.

[DaSilva]

Sorry but if this girl who was gang raped is really one of your "best friends" as you claim, you shouldnt even be considering ignoring her!!!

Theres a song by 2pac & the Outlawz called "baby dont cry" that deals a bit with this...

Some of the lyrics are:

"Now here's a story bout a woman with dreams

So picture perfect at thirteen, an ebony queen

Beneath the surface it was more than just a crooked smile

Nobody knew about her secret so it took a while

I could see a tear fall slow down her black cheek

Sheddin quiet tears in the back seat; so when she asked me,

"What would you do if it was you?"

Couldn't answer such a horrible pain to live through

I tried to trade places in the tragedy

I couldn't picture three crazed **** grabbin me

For just a moment I was trapped in the pain, Lord come and take me

Four **** violated, they chased and they raped me

Even though it wasn't me, I could feel the grief

Thinkin with your brains blown that would make the pain go

No! You got to find a way to survive

cause they win when your soul dies

Baby please don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, you got to keep your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up

Even when the road is hard, never give up {never give up}

Baby don't cry, I hope you got your head up {never give up}

Even when the road is hard, never give up

Baby don't cry"

Whatever you do DONT IGNORE HER!

[Ms Becky]

Just be there for her. If she wants to talk about it, let her. If she wants to get back into a routine and talk about/do normal stuff, let her. That's all you can do.

[aejdude]

All you can do is try your best to make her feel better, by being there for her when she needs you the most.

[Nathan]

When I said ignore her, I didn't mean not talk to her. I meant give her space. Sorry if I came across as ignorant friend but I definitely wouldn't do that to her. I'm going to her house after school today and we were talking on the phone for hours last night. Thanks, everyone, for ALL your advice.

[Emma_B]

I agree with what has already been said. I think I would probably tell her I loved her and that I wasn't going to leave her, then take my cues from her. Don't smother her if she seems to want space, but if you tell her you'll be there then you can't get scared and back off. Just keep saying how special and important she is, and that you will give her space if she wants or you will be there if she wants.

Maybe don't try to hug her, she may find close contact difficult, especially with men, and if she backs away from you give her more physical space. Maybe reach out to touch her hand, being very non-threatening, and see how she responds to that before you try to be physically comforting.

I think it is fantastic that you want to be so sensitive and that you care about her. Try and tell her, gently, that what happened doesn't change her or how you feel about her, that she is not alone and that you are not going to abandon her. Make sure she knws she doesn't deserve what happened. She may never be the same person again. Make her know that she doesn't have to be brave around you, that you can take it, and that you just want to do whatever you can to help her. Tell her you know that you can't fix this or make it normal again, and that you don't care.

I am so sorry that this happened to your friend. I am thinking of you, let us know how things go if you can.

Emma xxx

[hotchoc]

DIVORCE:How do you survive your parents divorce?

Yesterday my mum and dad had a huge fight and it was full on screaming contest in the house and my mum made a split second decision and just started packing all her stuff and took off. Before she left the house she said to me that sh'es really sorry but she won't be coming back. I'm only nearly 14 and me and my sister were crying as she packed and left. We tried to get her to stay but she said she's had enough of dad constantly nagging her and losing his temper all the time(my dads really scary). While she was packing dad was still shouting about really hurtful things,etc and thats what made her decide to take off. And even now he's still talking about how bad mum was. How do guys whos been through this deal with this? Any advice??